Tonight's Episode: Katty on a Hot Tin roof

Starring:  Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome,  Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.

Introducing:  Katty – as herself,  sort of,  but not really.

Rain sheeted down as a mild day was blessed with a tropical shower, and so it was that our heroes, Joe and Guy Handsome, were not only pumping the pedals of their pedicabs shirtlessly, but in a shorts that were plastered to their bodies with rain.

Pele, who had been busy smiting a writer who had dropped the letter P off of her name when transferring a line, was relaxing from the exertion, sipping a pina colada  and decided to see what would happen if....

Joe heard a faint cry of “'help!”  And since he had no fare (he was returning from a grocery run for Mrs. Amahai-Amahai) he veered to see if he could assist whomever the sweet feminine voice belonged to.

There he saw her, in a pair of white pedal pusher and floral shirt, also plastered to her in the rain, a woman near his own age who was holding a kitten close to her bosom (which was an excellently polite reason to look at a woman's bosom, he thought.) and dangling/clinging to a low dipping section of  a turn metal seamed roof.

Cut to commercial:  Metal roofs are durable, fire retardant and almost maintenance-free. They are also energy efficient; metal reflects heat and blocks its transfer into the attic.

Had Joe not been an actuarial in his heart of hearts, he might have said something bold like:  Jump!  I will catch you!  But he was so instead he said,  “Hang on a moment, I saw a ladder.”  Whereupon he nipped quickly around the house to grab the ladder and bring it to where he could easily climb up and help her down.

Katty, (who was playing herself,  mostly) now found that she was clinging to Joe Handsome's neck with one arm and plastered against his chest, and for ease of ladder climbing down, she decided it would not be remiss to wrap her legs around his incredibly well toned hips. The sigh that emerged from her was probably from relief.  Well, okay maybe not.  Maybe it was another sort of sigh altogether, but who would blame her?

Soon they were seated side by side on the passenger seat of his pedicab and just then the sun broke out again!  Oh, wait, no, that was just Joe smiling.  “Hi.”  He stammered, looking at the kitten again, and again, frequently.

“Hi.  Thank you.”  She replied.  “He was burning his widdle pawsie on the hot tin roof there, and I had to rescue him.”  She moved the kitten up so that their eyes met.  Her heart went pittta-pat. The beat was not unlike a tarantella.

“You are very brave.”  He said to her.  “Did you burn your legs?”  Which of course gave him an excellent reason to look to see if her legs were burned.

“A little,” she admitted shyly.  “When the rain started I slid, and I didn't want to fall... with the kitten, you know?”

“I have some...  lotion at home.  It is really good on burns.  Aloe.  Bill Nye approves of aloe cream.”  He said, looking into her eyes again.

“Lotion sounds very nice,” She said.  “But what about the kitten?”

The kitten soon found himself being fed some ahi-ahi, as Joe applied lotion.

...and Guy was relegated to the hammock and the rain.

But, he didn't mind.

Our next chapter:  Spoon Raider.

Tonight's Episode: Lee Berto

Starring:  Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome,  Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.

Guest Star:  Bob Hoskins

Things were never slow in the pedicab trade, at least not for the Handsome brothers, Joe and Guy.  They had a never ending female clientele as well as the odd family, gay guys, and on this particular day...

Guy ran up to a smallish man who was wrestling several large bags and a green spiked collar meant maybe for a dog the size of Clifford.  “Here, let me help you with that.”

“Thanks, buddy.”  The man was stout, and beginning to show a certain amount of pattern balding. He was dressed, quite surprisingly in a  green toga, which was hiked up to show very loud yellow red and green plaid shorts and huarachi sandals with white tube socks.

Joe, who was deep into his actuarial tables saw and heard nothing until the man settled into his pedicab.

All the bags were deposited into Guy's pedicab, but the man saw Joe's screen just as he closed it and said, “an insurance man!”

So he introduced himself as Lee Berto.  His small company was also an insurance and investment counseling place, called Liberty, on account, he explained that his goal was to free people from worry about death, dismemberment and retiring on a dog food diet.

“Yes, if you consider the payments as an annuity over the years...” Joe began to agree. 

Here, Guy interrupted.  “What is with the toga and the pycopay dog collar?”

Cut to commercial:  Steampunk.  *images of Vernesque mechanizations and happy, albeit mad, scientists in rose colored goggles.

“Oh, that.”  Lee laughed, “this is my statue of Liberty costume!”  He explained that he intended to spend the day in costume, waving at all passers by in order to bolster business.

“No offense,”  Joe remarked casting a long and contemplative look over his shoulder at his passenger, “but people really want an insurance broker to seem serious...  maybe even dour.”

“Not here.”  Lee Berto countered, “this is Paradise.  In Paradise people like a bloke with a sense of humor.”

“But the Statue of Liberty is a tall stout woman.” Guy just had to put that out there. 

“I could stand outside with maybe just the tiara and torch and you could actually look like you to speak to customers.”  Joe offered before his occipital lobe and his frontal cortex could synchronize.  (He just loved being in Insurance.)

“You are a pair of righteous Dudes.”  Lee Berto remarked.  “Would you?”

And so, for the rest of the day, Joe did just that.  Standing out in front of the sign that proclaimed, Liberty from Fear of Death, Dismemberment or Retirement on the Dog Food Menu Plan. 

Guy wondered how he ended up involved, but since he was, he undertook to entertain the children of the mostly female clientèle who dropped in, with games of freeze tag, and red rover, as their Moms spoke to Lee Berto, and most of their Moms chatted up his brother and himself as well.  Especially the single ones.

Pele laughed.  It never ceased to amuse her that neither Guy nor Joe Handsome could figure out why so many women flocked around them.  “Goofballs.”  She whispered to you all, dear audience.

Our next Episode:  Katty on a hot tin Roof.