Starring:  Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome,  Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.

Guest starring: Akebono  and Gilbert Gottfried

The volcano was restless.  Which for Chicago boys like the Handsome brothers, Guy and Joe, was startling and, for gentlemen cursed by Pele in general, was unnerving. 

The Big Man, who ran the newsstand closest to the Pedicab stand, strummed his new Ukelele in between his snack of horse meat sashimi and mochi.   “Pele is upset today.  Did either of you guys wear a shirt recently?”

Joe shook his head to indicate that, “no we did not.”

The Big Man tsked loudly.  “Rock thief,”  He said enigmatically.

As if it was a cue, Beauregard Bogaardus of the Chapel Hill Bogaarduses came rolling out on to the sidewalk.  If anyone had cared to notice, the fellow wheeling him on the handcart bore a remarkable resemblance to a certain helicopter pilot who, in turn, bore an incredible resemblance to Nathan Fillion in an uncredited cameo, but not one noticed.

“Save me,”  He bleated in an accent unique to someone born and raised on a plantation in the deep South, but whose nanny during his speech pattern's formative years had been from a different sort of south, such as the South  Bronx.

He was being rolled on a hand cart due to an extraordinary array of casts and pins adorning his body, over which he wore white Bermuda shorts and a plaid shirt of pastel rose, mint green and creamsicle orange.  The Volcano rumbled and he squealed,  “She's gonna kill me!!!”  Then he uttered a sound best described as a squawk.

The Big Man nodded to himself and muttered, “uh huh,” in a what-did-I-tell-you tone, then went back to playing Mozart's 42nd in E minor on his uke.

Of course, Guy and Joe rushed to the man's assistance.  They were both gentlemen.  “What happened?”  Joe asked.

Cut to commercial:  Tonight's Episode is brought to you by Pikacthulhu by Nemo Hastus. 
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc139/blazeorama/pikacthulhu.jpg  Pele and Pikacthulhu get along great, and are often found playing Magic the Gathering together.
           
Guy took the single bag that the afflicted Southern South Bronxer had with him. He shook it.  “It feels like it is full of rocks.”

Joe said, “help me get him wedged...”  And as they bungeed Beauregard safely into the pedicab, he began his lurid tale.

“The brochures all said that if you took a volcanic rock home with you, it would incur the wrath of Pele.  But, I didn't believe that!  So I took four rocks.”  He shuddered and whimpered,  “When I got home, everything went wrong!  My crop got weevils.  Peppers don't get weevils!” 

“Whoa.”  The brother's replied pedaling him toward the national park.

“She appeared!  This Hot Chick,” a bump appeared in the road that rattled Mr. Bogaardus in his casts, but didn't seem to disturb Joe in the least, “Ow!  Watchit !” He whined.  Then he corrected himself, “this smokin’ hot woman, in a magma colored muu-muu.”

Visions of  Pele leaning in on a sleeping rock thief and growling, filled everyone's head. Everyone's!

“Then I started slipping on goo in my deep fried Pork Plant.”  He sighed, “and then my wife left me for  a Bill Clinton impersonator.  So I realized, it was time to return the rocks.”

“Yeah, I'd guess so.”  Guy replied.

So he did, and Pele, reclining on a bed of magma hued flowers, threw her head back and laughed.

Our next episode: Eyjafjallajökull