Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele. Guest Starring: Lainie Kazan
Joe came walking over to his brother, Guy, carrying two cups of Kona coffee, and the want ads section from a local newspaper.
“Sup?” Guy asked, accepting the coffee. He didn't even try to reach for the paper, it looked terrifyingly like it had a banner saying Positions Available. In Guy's mind, it seemed like a great idea to test the tensile strength of ILSUT's Leave of Absence policy. If this wasn't the best reason ever to not work, a curse, then what could be better?
Oh yeah the whole death and disability thing... but this was actually pretty nice.
Joe, on the other hand, set his coffee aside and snapped the newsprint into a manageable rectangle. If a normal person could be said to have a superpower? This was Joe's: He could make any printed matter behave.
Flashback: An El Station in Chicago, winds gusting around 20 knots. Everyone around a crisp looking Joe Handsome in his London Fog look is wrestling umbrellas and newspapers and magazines all of which want to fly away. Not Joe though. His newspaper is in a neat rectangle and looks like there is no air movement at all.
“The Madams Soo circled some positions available for us, isn't that wonderful?” Joe said.
Guy, in the special Heaven of Kona Coffee, was no longer aware that his brother had ever been born.
A punch in the arm remedied that. “Reality to Guy.” Joe said.
“Hey, you almost spilled some of my coffee.” Guy replied.
“Wanted: Two gentlemen of True Grit.” Joe read, “To assist senior lady with kittens.” He looked at his brother with a sloppy grin on his face. “Kittens.”
Guy said, “do we need to fill out forms?”
Cut to Commercial: Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Java. Cappuccino! Ahhhhh.
The door of the large neatly landscaped house opened and Mrs. Kok stood there. She was in a one piece Esther Williams swim suit and feather topped mules. “Oh My God!” She said, placing a hand to her ample bosom, “you are the Handsome brothers.” Then she fanned herself as she let them in. “I rescue abandoned kittens, raise and place them in loving homes,” She explained. “Right now, I have 12 kittens and my back went out. The doctor said to me, Mrs. Kok, no bending over for you! Such a nice man.”
She took them into a room where a dozen kittens were in constant motion. It was almost dizzying. “They need to be feed, have their widdle cwawsies clipped and be snuggled.”
Guy was already on his knees playing with kittens. Joe was already regretting taking the job, with all those tiny sharp claws and no shirts... until a small almost pale pink long haired kitten mewed just at him, then all he could think of was soft fur and golden green eyes.
Mrs. Kok clapped her hands in delight, “I'll go mix up the formula.”
Many hours later, our exhausted heroes tried to sort the kittens into nails clipped, nails to be clipped for the umpteenth time.
Mrs. Kok was no longer in the room as her bell had rung again, and she was having a “cuppa” with a friend by the pool.
Pele leaned forward and whispered to Mrs. Kok, “don't let them forget to change and wash out all those litter boxes, dear.”
After all, this had to be a gross episode.
Our next episode: “Get the Picture.”
