NB: Tonight's episode is a fan fiction that I was sent. It was penned by the inimical Marisol_29. Thanks, Marisol! Nothing makes an author feel more loved than a fan fiction! <3 Blaze
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Stars: Andrea Bocelli and Tony Danza
Guy Handsome sat nervously on his pedicab, awaiting another customer. Joe was at home, recovering from assorted second degree burns which had been acquired from too hot bath water. He had purchased a lovely silk shirt and had sworn up and down that trying on was not the same as wearing. Apparently Pele thought differently. While Guy had not been remotely involved in the affair, still he waited for the other shoe to drop.
Two men came toward Guy’s cab, both handsome, one leading the other, who was clearly visually impaired.
“My friend,” said the slightly elder, with a thick Brooklyn accent, “needs to go to the Opera House.” He smacked Guy with an expensive leather glove, stating, “So you can understand him,” and left without another word.
The other, settled in, smile on his face, watched Guy who tried to make conversation, asking, “So… what will you be doing at the theater?”
In clear, dulcet tones of a tenor, the comely man sang, “Questa mia canzone, inno dell’amore, te la canto adesso.”
“Oh, a singer, eh?” said Guy, pedaling with some urgency, feeling as though he should be hastening to get the man to his destination.
“Con il mio dolor, così forte, così grande, che mi trafigge il cuor,” the man, whom we shall name Andrea, continued.
Not realizing he understood the words, Guy winced in sympathy. “Stabbing pain in your heart? Maybe you should go to the hospital instead.”
“Ma limpido è il mattino, tra i campi odor di vino,” sang Andrea, and Guy sniffed the air to see if he could smell the wine too.
“Io ti sognavo e adesso, ti vedo ancora lì, ah, quanta nostalgia, affresco di collina.”
Guy looked back at the dude, uncomfortable to be told he had been dreamt about frolicking among the hills. What hills?
“Io pìango che pazzia, fu andarsene poi via.” Sweat began to run down Guy’s face as he thought it was madness for him not to just leave this guy and go.
Cut To Commercial: Buy the latest CD of Andrea Bocelli
“Questa melodia, inno dell’amore, te la canto e sento, tutto il mio dolor.” Then it was, that our hero realized the man san about a girl.
“Così forte, così grande, che mi trafigge il cuor, ma limpido è il mattino, tra i campi un gran mulino.” Guy began to wonder if his passenger was Don Quixote in reverse or something… seeing a windmill in the distance instead of the volcano.
“So… you are from Italy, then?” Guy finally caught on the song was in a different language.
“lì è nato il mio destino,” the man replied.
“Reminds me of a joke, what did the lemon said to the sugar cube?”
“Amaro senza te… amaro senza te,” Andrea belted out the punchline.
Guy laughed, fully comprehending now who his customer was. “So you must be performing tonight? What will you be singing about then?”
“E questo core canta, un dolce melodrama, èl’inno dell’amor,” the tenor responded with beautiful clarity.
“Hey, what if I go see your show tonight?” “Che canterò per te,” Andrea sang cheerfully.
Then, Guy remembered that he couldn’t wear a shirt, which had begun this whole fiasco from the start. “Sorry… can’t make it after all.”
Looking disappointed, having reached his destination, the man paid, “È un melodramma che
Che canto senza te.”
