Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
“I've been through all the statistics and unless you really screw up?” Joe said. He was pedaling next to his brother, who was running, not the exact Iron Man course, but a course that was 98.4% similar, since running the actual course would get one banned from competition.
“Unless I really screw up?” Guy asked, not breaking his rhythm.
“Your only real challenge is going to come from some Kaz Kaiser fellow,” Joe concluded.
“Kaz Kaiser? What a really cool name. So what do we know about Kaz Kaiser?” Guy asked, not breaking his rhythm. Guy really loved to run, almost as much as he loved to swim. It showed on his face .
Joe found it very annoying that Guy loved everything so much. Joe loved lots of things, but not everything. He almost said something, like: Loving everything is like loving nothing, but Guy would have replied that he loved that quote. Instead, he quoted the statistics and times for Kaz Kaiser in other Iron Man competitions.
Guy listened politely, because his brother was an actuarial and all. He deeply appreciated that he had taken the time to find all that out, too, but it didn't help. “No, no, no, while those are great for statistical information, they don't tell me much about Kaz Kaiser! Like, well, what would he want for Christmas?”
“Oh,” Joe said, thinking that was one of the most idiotic for instances that his brother had come out with in a long, long time. At least, he thought that until he realized that he knew the answer. No question is idiotic when you know the answer. “He would want to win.”
“Gee,” Guy said, not breaking his rhythm, “good thing it isn't Christmas.”
“Good thing.” Joe agreed. “What do you want for Christmas?” He asked as a logical follow up.
Cut to Commercial: Monty Python's Not the Messiah; You can rent it on Netflix! http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Not_the_Messiah/70135966?strackid=179f2f6dcad46dc2_0#height1453
Guy imagined his brother on a stodgy podium with stodgy actuarialists giving him a stodgy award. “A pony,” He stated, not breaking his stride.
Joe snorted. Guy had asked for this pony every year as long as he could remember. “You do understand that we can't afford, nor do we have room for a pony,” He reminded his brother. This had been his parents' standard reply.
“I guess,” Guy said, “that gives you something to ask for, for Christmas.”
“I am not writing to Santa and asking for fabulous wealth just so that I can support my brother's pony monkey.” Joe was adamant regarding this matter. Notwithstanding the fact that he had, at the age of ten, actually written to Santa stating that he would waive all rights to presents that year if that would help Santa bring Guy his pony. Of course even at that tender age, Joe had thought to add, in the case of Guy not being pony eligible, his wish list. Mrs. Handsome had raised no fools...
Unless you took into account that both her sons were cursed by Pele and living shirtless in Hawaii.
Author's note: I am on the road, which is why my posts are sporadic. Some hotels do not provide free wifi! How outrageous!
