Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Howard Handsome came walking toward his favorite two nephews in a pair of faded denims and an off white linen shirt that he wore with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons all open, and he wasn't even cursed. “Guy! Joe!” He called out to them in a faint Aussie accent that, while the brothers didn't find it sexy, every woman in the area was instantly transfixed by.
The Handsome Brothers were always so pleased to see their Uncle that they never paused to think about why his accent was so different from their father's or theirs. Much hugging and back pounding ensued and then Uncle Howie, being in Rome, did as the Roman's do and took his shirt off entirely, (which caused two women to faint.)
“So, you make a living here pedaling bikes?” Howie asked, genuinely interested. Then suddenly he excused himself, disappearing into the crowd.
“I just love when Uncle How is around,” Joe said. “He always makes me feel better.”
“Yeah,” Guy agreed, He secured Uncle Howie's luggage on his cab, because Joe had won the honor of driving their uncle around. (In a rousing game of rock, paper, scissors.)
About fifteen minutes later, Howie returned, carrying a container of shave ice for each of them. “Where were we?”
“I am actually still working as an actuarial, too, Unc,” Joe said, as they sat around and nibbled their ices. “I telecommute four days a week.”
“And he is going to be going to the Actuarial Antics in Chicago,” Guy added.
“And you,” Howard said, “your Mum told me that you came in second in the Iron Man.” He said it proudly.
“I did.”
Then they started to pedal, discussing everything in their lives, and creating a itinerary that would keep their Uncle entertained and far from the volcano, limited only by the odd “no shirt, no shoes...” warning.
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It was not the first time that the Handsome brothers noticed that their Uncle How disappeared several times a day for up to an hour. But when this occurred at the Ala Moana Beach Park and Magic Island, it was difficult not to notice that someone had suddenly appeared to rescue a couple of tourists from a severe riptide, and when it happened again at the 'Iolani Palace they noticed that someone snatched a small boy just as he plummeted from a balcony.
So as the pedaled home, Guy asked, “Uncle Howard? Are you a super hero?”
“No! Of course not!” Howie said, laughing. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
Joe poked a finger at the suitcase on Guy's cab. A piece of cloth was protruding from it.“Uhm, the yellow and black spandex, actually. That and the frequency of all your pit stops.”
“Unless you are on Lasics?” Guy chuckled.
Just as Howie was about to admonish his nephews for believing in Super Heroes, a gorgeous woman on a palanquin, born by more than a dozen rugged Hawaiian men stopped her transport and wafted toward him. He felt his temperature (and his heart rate) rising.
“How handsome!” Pele commented.
“Yes, I am,” Howard said charmingly, “but you have me at a disadvantage.”
“Yes, I do,” Pele replied coquettishly. “Have you taken the helicopter tour yet?” She asked.
“No, should I?” Howard asked.
“No, Uncle Howie is afraid of heights,” Guy interjected, rapidly.
“NO,” Joe admonished, heatedly, “do you know how unsafe those tours are?”
“I am not afraid,” Howard Handsome said gently, looking right into Pele's eyes, “of anything.”
“I can tell,” She replied, lifting a hand to caress his strong jawline.
“We have reservations!” Guy and Joe blurted in unison, and in perfect honesty, although which specific definition of that word was not stipulated.
“Later then,” Howard kissed the goddess' hand.
“Definitely later,” Pele cooed.
