Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Songs: Wish You Were Here, by Eddie Fisher – Wish You Were Here, by Pink Floyd
(For best effect start these two you tubes simultaneously in different tabs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPm4GH3UUC8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8mo2qXJnbY Watch the Pink Floyd screen unless you are reading!)
Guy picked up his ukulele and leaned back against a tree, and began to play as Joe lifted the post card and read it to Pele.
“As you read this card,” Joe read aloud, “I am tending to my horses, who must stay inside their large barn due to the passions of my most beautiful wife.”
Pele sighed, and declared, “he is the most romantic being on Earth.”
Guy change the strumming to Wish You Were Here. Joe began to hum the old tune, a favorite of his grandparents.
“They're not making the skies as blue this year - wish you were here...” He paused and read a little further, “how I miss her beautiful eyes looking into mine, dark like the blackest pahoehoe, warm as the air swept form the caldera.”
Pele nodded, missing his, blue as the skies, eyes as well. “Yesss.” She swayed to the tune.
“As blue as they used to when you were near - wish you were here” Joe sang, “and the mornings don't seem as new, Brand-new as they did with you..”
Guy joined in on the chorus, “Wish you were here, wish you were here, wish you were here.”
Cut to commercial: Fitzwilliam Darcy Rock Star, by Heather Lynn Rigaud (whom I have known since she was fourteen! Congratulations Heather!) http://www.amazon.com/Fitzwilliam-Darcy-Rock-Heather-Rigaud/dp/1402257813/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315402475&sr=1-1
Pele looked at the stars above, “ They're not shining the stars as bright, they've stolen the joy from the night...” Then she dissolved in to ash on the ocean breeze, and disappeared.
Guy looked at Joe and said, “wow, well done, brother o'mine.” There was a fist bump.
“Mostly, I just really read what he wrote. He can print really small!” Joe pointed out.
Guy put his ukulele aside and peeked at the post card. “Wow, yeah.” He furrowed his brow.
Joe got a pencil and started to decode the cypher. As he worked, Guy grabbed the ukulele again and began a different tune.
“So, do you think she can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain? Can tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?” He posed.
Joe waved at him to be quiet impatiently. Then announced, “he's in!”
Guy nodded and smiled. “Nice stamp,” He observed.
“Yep, that one is a keeper.” Joe agreed.
07 September, 2011
30 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Memorable Moments
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe danced from the mailbox to the beach chairs. “Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!”
“Who?” Guy asked. Just so he could hear his brother say the name again, mind you.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe repeated.
“Who?” Guy asked.
Joe almost fell for it, but then tossed the card to Guy, sort of like a rectangular Frisbee, instead.
Guy almost caught the card, but a gush of upwelling hot air carried it away from him. His eyes got big as Pele walked up to have the dancing card land neatly in her grasp. “Good evening!” He said.
Joe fell off of his beach chair.
“Howdy, boys.” Pele said, “got a letter from my man, I see!” Her feet were making little glass footprints in the sand, that hissed and steamed as the waves lapped over them.
“We could get a bundle for those on e-bay, I'll bet,” Joe whispered to Guy.
Guy nodded, hoping that they would live long enough to, because in the dying light he could see Pele's eyes burning a warm magma orange. “ 'Evening, Ma'am.”
“So what makes you so happy about a post card from my spouse?” Pele asked. She happened, at the moment to be very lonely for him, and hence had been sensitive to the invocation of his name.
Now, you, dear reader, have probably figured out by this juncture that neither Joe nor Guy Handsome was an accomplished, or even a mediocre, liar. Even assuming that they were gifted in the realm of subterfuge, here they were in the present of the goddess Pele, when she was striding through the surf in a smoking hot molten gold Aguaclara Solid Knots monokini, making glass trivets with each step.
“Hmm?” She asked.
Cut to Commercial:
This episode is brought to you by Rainbow Edge, by Christine
http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC02708.jpg (This quilt is for sale!)
“Memorable moments.” Guy replied.
Joe nodded like a chihuahua on the shelf in the back window of a Tijuana Taxi.
“Memorable Moments?” Pele echoed. She came closer, suspecting subterfuge. Her single-mindedness when it came to one of her spouses was, well, legendary.
“Yeah, when you meet someone from another country, you ask them to send you a post card, and then... well, you make a scrap book of all the post cards.” Guy said, “see?”
Pele did not see, so she strode closer, obsidian footprints forming in her path.
“Excuse me, Ma'am.” Joe squeaked out, “That is really terrifying when you do that.”
Pele looked down and laughed, “oops.” She wiggled her toes and stopped throwing so much heat. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Guy got up and offered Pele his chair. “We collect post cards from all over. So many people say that they will mail you a post card, but so few people actually remember to.”
“Really?” Pele sat down.
“And then we collect the ones we get and we can make a book of memorable moments.” Joe concluded.
“Don't you collect things?” Guy asked.
Pele smiled and looked at her shirtless chotchkies. “Hrm, I suppose I do....” She smiled and handed the card back to Joe. It had a tiny smoldered brown outline of her fingers. “So what does he have to say?” She asked politely, sitting in Guy's chair.
Our next episode: Wish you were here.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe danced from the mailbox to the beach chairs. “Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!”
“Who?” Guy asked. Just so he could hear his brother say the name again, mind you.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe repeated.
“Who?” Guy asked.
Joe almost fell for it, but then tossed the card to Guy, sort of like a rectangular Frisbee, instead.
Guy almost caught the card, but a gush of upwelling hot air carried it away from him. His eyes got big as Pele walked up to have the dancing card land neatly in her grasp. “Good evening!” He said.
Joe fell off of his beach chair.
“Howdy, boys.” Pele said, “got a letter from my man, I see!” Her feet were making little glass footprints in the sand, that hissed and steamed as the waves lapped over them.
“We could get a bundle for those on e-bay, I'll bet,” Joe whispered to Guy.
Guy nodded, hoping that they would live long enough to, because in the dying light he could see Pele's eyes burning a warm magma orange. “ 'Evening, Ma'am.”
“So what makes you so happy about a post card from my spouse?” Pele asked. She happened, at the moment to be very lonely for him, and hence had been sensitive to the invocation of his name.
Now, you, dear reader, have probably figured out by this juncture that neither Joe nor Guy Handsome was an accomplished, or even a mediocre, liar. Even assuming that they were gifted in the realm of subterfuge, here they were in the present of the goddess Pele, when she was striding through the surf in a smoking hot molten gold Aguaclara Solid Knots monokini, making glass trivets with each step.
“Hmm?” She asked.
Cut to Commercial:
This episode is brought to you by Rainbow Edge, by Christine
http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC02708.jpg (This quilt is for sale!)
“Memorable moments.” Guy replied.
Joe nodded like a chihuahua on the shelf in the back window of a Tijuana Taxi.
“Memorable Moments?” Pele echoed. She came closer, suspecting subterfuge. Her single-mindedness when it came to one of her spouses was, well, legendary.
“Yeah, when you meet someone from another country, you ask them to send you a post card, and then... well, you make a scrap book of all the post cards.” Guy said, “see?”
Pele did not see, so she strode closer, obsidian footprints forming in her path.
“Excuse me, Ma'am.” Joe squeaked out, “That is really terrifying when you do that.”
Pele looked down and laughed, “oops.” She wiggled her toes and stopped throwing so much heat. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Guy got up and offered Pele his chair. “We collect post cards from all over. So many people say that they will mail you a post card, but so few people actually remember to.”
“Really?” Pele sat down.
“And then we collect the ones we get and we can make a book of memorable moments.” Joe concluded.
“Don't you collect things?” Guy asked.
Pele smiled and looked at her shirtless chotchkies. “Hrm, I suppose I do....” She smiled and handed the card back to Joe. It had a tiny smoldered brown outline of her fingers. “So what does he have to say?” She asked politely, sitting in Guy's chair.
Our next episode: Wish you were here.
17 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Define: All right.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Veronica sat in Joe's cab. Well, a Veronica sat in both their cabs twice, but Veronica sat in Joe's cab so that she could speak more easily to Guy as they rode along.
As in many relationships where one party likes someone well enough and the other party is totally smitten with the party of first part, Joe observed, the party of the first part managed to chat glibly and comprehensibly. The party of the second part mostly gibbered. Like an idiot. So much so that Joe, being the good brother he was dropped back and stopped to examine his chain. Just to give his brother time to recover some acumen.
Guy pulled to a halt as well, but needed to stay up ahead because it was bad form to make a loop with passengers, he did start to dismount and walk back toward his brother.
“Guy, right?” Veronica said stopping him.
“Yes, 'M,” Guy came to full halt and looked right at her. “I think my brother's cab slipped a chain,” He explained the hold up.
In the other cab, the one where Joe was fussing over nothing to give his brother time to re-oxygenate his brain, the Veronicas were going over things like itineraries on their iPods. “The Palace looks so beautiful,” Veronica said.
“It is beautiful, we were just there with our Uncle Howie.” Joe told them.
“Joe has it well in hand I am sure,” Veronica said. “So how long have you known Veronica?” Ah, there, she saw it. Yes, he had a very bad case.
“College, I was a freshman.” Guy replied simply, where he could have described everything she was wearing that first time he saw her. He could have described the song playing over the radio nearby. He could have written a sonnet about it. (Actually, he had not only written a sonnet about it, he had written two.)
Both the Veronicas in Guy's cab nodded to each other. It the one who had asked who inquired further, “and how long has she known you?”
“So how did the four of you end up with this gig?” Guy asked, because his brain worked better around these two Veronicas than it did around that one Veronica.
Cut to Commercial: Find out more about Alzheimer's by going here: http://www.alz.org/index.asp This is a terrible disease, stealing our loved ones from us long before their time.
“All of us have Grandparents with Alzheimer's, and all of us are named Veronica, like the song which is about a woman who has Alzheimer's,” Veronica explained.
“We decided that if we got together, and we used the song and played off of all that, people might take notice," The other Veronica said.
“And we want to bring awareness to the disease, which is really a lingering living death for the people who get it, and so hurtful to their relatives.”
“Does it run in families?” Guy asked solemnly.
Both of the Veronicas in his cab nodded. “Deterministic genes Still, no one knows yet why those cells which carry memories fail.”
“Can I do anything to help?” Guy asked, his own problems suddenly fading into the background.
“Have you ever worked a kissing booth?” Veronica asked.
“Or been auctioned off for charity?” The other Veronica asked.
“Uh, no...” Guy said, imagining Joe's reaction when he found out what he was about to get volunteered for.
Our next Episode: Memorable Moments.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Veronica sat in Joe's cab. Well, a Veronica sat in both their cabs twice, but Veronica sat in Joe's cab so that she could speak more easily to Guy as they rode along.
As in many relationships where one party likes someone well enough and the other party is totally smitten with the party of first part, Joe observed, the party of the first part managed to chat glibly and comprehensibly. The party of the second part mostly gibbered. Like an idiot. So much so that Joe, being the good brother he was dropped back and stopped to examine his chain. Just to give his brother time to recover some acumen.
Guy pulled to a halt as well, but needed to stay up ahead because it was bad form to make a loop with passengers, he did start to dismount and walk back toward his brother.
“Guy, right?” Veronica said stopping him.
“Yes, 'M,” Guy came to full halt and looked right at her. “I think my brother's cab slipped a chain,” He explained the hold up.
In the other cab, the one where Joe was fussing over nothing to give his brother time to re-oxygenate his brain, the Veronicas were going over things like itineraries on their iPods. “The Palace looks so beautiful,” Veronica said.
“It is beautiful, we were just there with our Uncle Howie.” Joe told them.
“Joe has it well in hand I am sure,” Veronica said. “So how long have you known Veronica?” Ah, there, she saw it. Yes, he had a very bad case.
“College, I was a freshman.” Guy replied simply, where he could have described everything she was wearing that first time he saw her. He could have described the song playing over the radio nearby. He could have written a sonnet about it. (Actually, he had not only written a sonnet about it, he had written two.)
Both the Veronicas in Guy's cab nodded to each other. It the one who had asked who inquired further, “and how long has she known you?”
“So how did the four of you end up with this gig?” Guy asked, because his brain worked better around these two Veronicas than it did around that one Veronica.
Cut to Commercial: Find out more about Alzheimer's by going here: http://www.alz.org/index.asp This is a terrible disease, stealing our loved ones from us long before their time.
“All of us have Grandparents with Alzheimer's, and all of us are named Veronica, like the song which is about a woman who has Alzheimer's,” Veronica explained.
“We decided that if we got together, and we used the song and played off of all that, people might take notice," The other Veronica said.
“And we want to bring awareness to the disease, which is really a lingering living death for the people who get it, and so hurtful to their relatives.”
“Does it run in families?” Guy asked solemnly.
Both of the Veronicas in his cab nodded. “Deterministic genes Still, no one knows yet why those cells which carry memories fail.”
“Can I do anything to help?” Guy asked, his own problems suddenly fading into the background.
“Have you ever worked a kissing booth?” Veronica asked.
“Or been auctioned off for charity?” The other Veronica asked.
“Uh, no...” Guy said, imagining Joe's reaction when he found out what he was about to get volunteered for.
Our next Episode: Memorable Moments.
12 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Veronica
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Guy was shooting the breeze with the Big Man at his magazine stand, and Joe was flipping through his copy of The Actuary Magazine. (Actuaries liked that name for a magazine for actuaries.) Things were at a normal lull for a Sunday morning at the stand. People sleeping in, people at Church, people at breakfast. It was gorgeous out, the heat had not yet built and the humidity was low, and the trades were blowing in from the ocean, carrying with them hints of salt and surf that promised a day of such fun to anyone who was not working.
Of course, if you loved your work, like the Big Man, and Guy, and (to a lesser extent) Joe, it could be a good day, too.
And if a friend from home whom you hadn't seen since college suddenly showed up in your life again, you could parlay it into a great day.
Guy smelled a familiar scent, that sort of memory inducing odor that made you have to turn and look, and he did. He saw her back lit by the morning sun, her hair like dark honey and her dark eyes smiling, “Veronica?” He asked, breath caught.
Joe looked up from his magazine, because of his brother's tone of voice. An inflection that he had not heard since... “Veronica?” He looked up and saw her, and she was not alone.
Three other gorgeous women with her all said, “yes?”
But she said, “Guy? Joe!” She skipped gracefully across the sidewalk on her impossibly high heels and embraced Joe and then Guy, both of whom she kissed on each cheek.
Joe beamed, but Guy was suddenly all tongue tied, flush and didn’t seem to know what to do or say.
“Girls!” She called over her shoulder, using a term that she would have tasked any man who used it. “These are two old friends of mine. Guy and Joe Handsome!!” Then to Guy and Joe she said, “These are my co-workers, Veronica, Veronica and Veronica.” She grinned.
Cut to Commercial: Brought to you by, the Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html A fun place to eat, stay or especially to attend one of their many special events!
The women all offered hands, “Bridger,” said the first. “Gorsline,” said the second. “Spillane,” said the third.
“Pleasure,” said Guy, finding his voice, he shook each hand in turn.
“Real pleasure, “ said Joe, kissing the backs of each lady’s hand. “Would you ladies like a ride somewhere?” He motioned to his and Guy's Pedicabs.
“Oh!” Veronica said, “do you live here now?”
“Yes, well, for a little while anyway,” Guy managed. He glanced down at his chest to make certain that no one could see the beating of his heart, which he imagined to be loud enough to be heard by everyone around him.
“What are you doing here?” Joe asked, hoping the distract the Veronica's from Guy’s aberrant behavior.
“We are setting up the annual Alzheimer's Awareness Symposium.” Veronica said. “It is in Hawaii this year!” And she smiled.
The sun rose in Guy's heart with that smile, and he fell over.
All the Veronicas helped him to his feet. “Are you all right?” They asked.
Our next Episode: Define: All right.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Guy was shooting the breeze with the Big Man at his magazine stand, and Joe was flipping through his copy of The Actuary Magazine. (Actuaries liked that name for a magazine for actuaries.) Things were at a normal lull for a Sunday morning at the stand. People sleeping in, people at Church, people at breakfast. It was gorgeous out, the heat had not yet built and the humidity was low, and the trades were blowing in from the ocean, carrying with them hints of salt and surf that promised a day of such fun to anyone who was not working.
Of course, if you loved your work, like the Big Man, and Guy, and (to a lesser extent) Joe, it could be a good day, too.
And if a friend from home whom you hadn't seen since college suddenly showed up in your life again, you could parlay it into a great day.
Guy smelled a familiar scent, that sort of memory inducing odor that made you have to turn and look, and he did. He saw her back lit by the morning sun, her hair like dark honey and her dark eyes smiling, “Veronica?” He asked, breath caught.
Joe looked up from his magazine, because of his brother's tone of voice. An inflection that he had not heard since... “Veronica?” He looked up and saw her, and she was not alone.
Three other gorgeous women with her all said, “yes?”
But she said, “Guy? Joe!” She skipped gracefully across the sidewalk on her impossibly high heels and embraced Joe and then Guy, both of whom she kissed on each cheek.
Joe beamed, but Guy was suddenly all tongue tied, flush and didn’t seem to know what to do or say.
“Girls!” She called over her shoulder, using a term that she would have tasked any man who used it. “These are two old friends of mine. Guy and Joe Handsome!!” Then to Guy and Joe she said, “These are my co-workers, Veronica, Veronica and Veronica.” She grinned.
Cut to Commercial: Brought to you by, the Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html A fun place to eat, stay or especially to attend one of their many special events!
The women all offered hands, “Bridger,” said the first. “Gorsline,” said the second. “Spillane,” said the third.
“Pleasure,” said Guy, finding his voice, he shook each hand in turn.
“Real pleasure, “ said Joe, kissing the backs of each lady’s hand. “Would you ladies like a ride somewhere?” He motioned to his and Guy's Pedicabs.
“Oh!” Veronica said, “do you live here now?”
“Yes, well, for a little while anyway,” Guy managed. He glanced down at his chest to make certain that no one could see the beating of his heart, which he imagined to be loud enough to be heard by everyone around him.
“What are you doing here?” Joe asked, hoping the distract the Veronica's from Guy’s aberrant behavior.
“We are setting up the annual Alzheimer's Awareness Symposium.” Veronica said. “It is in Hawaii this year!” And she smiled.
The sun rose in Guy's heart with that smile, and he fell over.
All the Veronicas helped him to his feet. “Are you all right?” They asked.
Our next Episode: Define: All right.
05 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Look around boys,” The Craggy Man said, “you aren't the first, and many others have tried to escape, but we all seem to end up back here.”
Joe and Guy did look around. Now that their eyes had adjusted to the hazy demi-light of the bar they could see a proliferation of shirtlessness and unbuttonedness, and even some meshness. “Great googally moogally.”
“Still, I like a challenge,” Nebuchadnezzar mused, massaging his strong jaw line with equally strong fingers. “Are you on a fixed deadline? Or would one of the festival days do? Better yet, are you all on good terms with the new husband? If we could get him to help distract her...”
Guy and Joe were in awe of the man's abilities to break down a problem as they devoured ribs, drank beers and discussed how best to get off the Island and back to Chicago.
“It doesn't have to be forever,” Joe admitted. “I mean it wouldn't be so bad to come back here, eventually. Maybe I can even get the office to open a branch here. Beach Actuary. It would suit a younger generation.”
“Plus you would get the female demographic,” Honey said in her thick, husky voice..
“Do you mind?” Nebuchadnezzar said to her, “we are scheming, here.”
“Who am I going to tell?” Honey asked, shrugging and moving away.
And if this was a different sort of story? Honey would have been a plant from Pele, set to spy upon her collection of hunks. But Pele actually didn't have anyone spying upon her favored ones. She kept no ledgers, she wasn't that sort of goddess.
Honey, truth be told, did not really believe in the common misconception held by the men who frequented Blick's Cafe, Novocaine that they were cursed by an Island goddess. She simple couldn't accept such things; however, she did enjoy the scenery. Lots.
Cut to Commercial: Tonight's Episode is brought to you Blood Hunt by Shannon K. Butcher. The latest in her Sentinel Wars series follows the incredibly gorgeous Logan. My goodness, can she tell a tale of hot, sweaty adventure!
“You boys get along really well, don't you?” Nebuchadnezzar didn't really mean it as a question, “It seems like to me...”
“Yeah, of course we get along well!” Guy blurted, “he's my brother. We're like best friends.”
“Of course we're best friends,” Joe exclaimed simultaneously, “we're brothers, it's natural to get along!”
The Craggy Man rolled his eyes. He sipped his beer to get some of the saccharine sweetness out of his mouth. Then he wiggled his mustache so the foam bubbles burst. “You fellows are un-be-lieve-able,” He said dryly.
Guy and Joe looked at each other. “We are?”
Resting his head on the back of his hands on the table, Nebuchadnezzar shook with silent laughter, “yes,” he said in conclusion, “I'll take Paypal.”
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Look around boys,” The Craggy Man said, “you aren't the first, and many others have tried to escape, but we all seem to end up back here.”
Joe and Guy did look around. Now that their eyes had adjusted to the hazy demi-light of the bar they could see a proliferation of shirtlessness and unbuttonedness, and even some meshness. “Great googally moogally.”
“Still, I like a challenge,” Nebuchadnezzar mused, massaging his strong jaw line with equally strong fingers. “Are you on a fixed deadline? Or would one of the festival days do? Better yet, are you all on good terms with the new husband? If we could get him to help distract her...”
Guy and Joe were in awe of the man's abilities to break down a problem as they devoured ribs, drank beers and discussed how best to get off the Island and back to Chicago.
“It doesn't have to be forever,” Joe admitted. “I mean it wouldn't be so bad to come back here, eventually. Maybe I can even get the office to open a branch here. Beach Actuary. It would suit a younger generation.”
“Plus you would get the female demographic,” Honey said in her thick, husky voice..
“Do you mind?” Nebuchadnezzar said to her, “we are scheming, here.”
“Who am I going to tell?” Honey asked, shrugging and moving away.
And if this was a different sort of story? Honey would have been a plant from Pele, set to spy upon her collection of hunks. But Pele actually didn't have anyone spying upon her favored ones. She kept no ledgers, she wasn't that sort of goddess.
Honey, truth be told, did not really believe in the common misconception held by the men who frequented Blick's Cafe, Novocaine that they were cursed by an Island goddess. She simple couldn't accept such things; however, she did enjoy the scenery. Lots.
Cut to Commercial: Tonight's Episode is brought to you Blood Hunt by Shannon K. Butcher. The latest in her Sentinel Wars series follows the incredibly gorgeous Logan. My goodness, can she tell a tale of hot, sweaty adventure!
“You boys get along really well, don't you?” Nebuchadnezzar didn't really mean it as a question, “It seems like to me...”
“Yeah, of course we get along well!” Guy blurted, “he's my brother. We're like best friends.”
“Of course we're best friends,” Joe exclaimed simultaneously, “we're brothers, it's natural to get along!”
The Craggy Man rolled his eyes. He sipped his beer to get some of the saccharine sweetness out of his mouth. Then he wiggled his mustache so the foam bubbles burst. “You fellows are un-be-lieve-able,” He said dryly.
Guy and Joe looked at each other. “We are?”
Resting his head on the back of his hands on the table, Nebuchadnezzar shook with silent laughter, “yes,” he said in conclusion, “I'll take Paypal.”
02 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Trouble
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Get a grip, gentlemen,” Nebuchadnezzar growled softly. “We're in public.”
Guy looked at him and wanted to explain to him that the juxtaposition of the woman being named Honey and calling them Big Jim and the Twins was one of the funniest things, ever. But then he remembered that not everyone was a grade school gym teacher, and some people were jaded by life. This fellow was jaded. Harder, maybe, than diamonds.
Instead he said, “I can't help but notice that you are wearing an unbuttoned silk shirt.”
Joe's eyes bugged slightly. He hadn't noticed. Or maybe he had noticed but not realized what he had noticed. “The Big Man said that you were the person to come to if we needed help.”
“Did he?”
Honey brought the beer and set the bottles down, and Joe paid her, and gave her a good tip, right up front. He had a stringent moral code regarding servers, and how they should be treated.
“Yes, he said: If you can't find the A-Team, then you need Nebuchadnezzar, PI.” Guy stated it flat out.
That made Nebuchadnezzar laugh. He had a goodly laugh, even though he didn't get the sort of mileage on it he’d used to. He drew deep on his beer and mashed his chin contemplatively, “I think I have more staying power,” he replied, deadpan. Then he asked, “so what is the nature of your emergency?”
“It isn't an emergency, yet,” Joe explained, “It is a potential problem, a problem with getting off the Island.” His words dropped into a hush.
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by NSFW. Which does not mean North South Freaking West, no matter what your kids tell you!
“You're making a break for it?” Nebuchadnezzar queried, amused.
“Yes, and no,” Guy told him, “Joe has an important function to attend to in Chicago.”
“And you need a plane?” The Craggy Man supposed.
“We have a flight out,” Joe was pleased to admit. “We need to make certain that she,” he paused for dramatic effect, “that she doesn't notice until it is too late for her to do anything about it.”
“So,” he said drifting forward and a little to the left and folding his arms, “you want me to fool a goddess?” Nebuchadnezzar cocked his head, “is that all?”
“Yessir.” Guy nodded. “We need to have a safe take off, and get clear. The Big Man said, if anyone can do it, Nebuchadnezzar can.”
Now the man's enormous even white teeth broke through in a real smile. They were a sharp contrast to his sun darkened skin, and even more so to the big bushy mustache, and the smile almost created lumens enough to outshine the candle. “Could be... fun,” he admitted. “Could be lots of trouble, too. And you fellows don't have a dime, do you?”
“We... have some money, not a lot,” Guy was up front about this. “Most of our assets are in Chicago.”
“Would you take PayPal?” Joe asked.
Our next episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Get a grip, gentlemen,” Nebuchadnezzar growled softly. “We're in public.”
Guy looked at him and wanted to explain to him that the juxtaposition of the woman being named Honey and calling them Big Jim and the Twins was one of the funniest things, ever. But then he remembered that not everyone was a grade school gym teacher, and some people were jaded by life. This fellow was jaded. Harder, maybe, than diamonds.
Instead he said, “I can't help but notice that you are wearing an unbuttoned silk shirt.”
Joe's eyes bugged slightly. He hadn't noticed. Or maybe he had noticed but not realized what he had noticed. “The Big Man said that you were the person to come to if we needed help.”
“Did he?”
Honey brought the beer and set the bottles down, and Joe paid her, and gave her a good tip, right up front. He had a stringent moral code regarding servers, and how they should be treated.
“Yes, he said: If you can't find the A-Team, then you need Nebuchadnezzar, PI.” Guy stated it flat out.
That made Nebuchadnezzar laugh. He had a goodly laugh, even though he didn't get the sort of mileage on it he’d used to. He drew deep on his beer and mashed his chin contemplatively, “I think I have more staying power,” he replied, deadpan. Then he asked, “so what is the nature of your emergency?”
“It isn't an emergency, yet,” Joe explained, “It is a potential problem, a problem with getting off the Island.” His words dropped into a hush.
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by NSFW. Which does not mean North South Freaking West, no matter what your kids tell you!
“You're making a break for it?” Nebuchadnezzar queried, amused.
“Yes, and no,” Guy told him, “Joe has an important function to attend to in Chicago.”
“And you need a plane?” The Craggy Man supposed.
“We have a flight out,” Joe was pleased to admit. “We need to make certain that she,” he paused for dramatic effect, “that she doesn't notice until it is too late for her to do anything about it.”
“So,” he said drifting forward and a little to the left and folding his arms, “you want me to fool a goddess?” Nebuchadnezzar cocked his head, “is that all?”
“Yessir.” Guy nodded. “We need to have a safe take off, and get clear. The Big Man said, if anyone can do it, Nebuchadnezzar can.”
Now the man's enormous even white teeth broke through in a real smile. They were a sharp contrast to his sun darkened skin, and even more so to the big bushy mustache, and the smile almost created lumens enough to outshine the candle. “Could be... fun,” he admitted. “Could be lots of trouble, too. And you fellows don't have a dime, do you?”
“We... have some money, not a lot,” Guy was up front about this. “Most of our assets are in Chicago.”
“Would you take PayPal?” Joe asked.
Our next episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot.
30 July, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Plot Complications
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
Blick's Cafe Novocaine promised that when you left, you would be feeling no pain. It was one of those places that looked like a disreputable hole in the wall from the outside, and was worse once you entered. A den of iniquity.
How bad was it? You might well ask. Aside from the fact that they admitted people who were inappropriately attired (and I am not speaking of polka dot shirts and plaid shorts, although there was a fellow wearing Birkenstock knock-offs and black socks, with that horrendous combination,) they chose their brand of beer based upon which bottles were the hardest to shatter, just to cut down on the amount of glass they had to dig out of injuries.
At the very moment that the Handsome brothers happened to enter the bar, the Cantina music from Star Wars started up on the juke box, http://www.thesoundarchive.com/play-wav-files.asp?sound=starwars/Cantina1.mid which added a new dimension to an already surreal experience.
Then they saw... him. Craggy, mustachioed visage, with a slouch that indicated a devil may care attitude, and eyes shaded by heavy, albeit not quite menacing brows. He wore a silk floral shirt, unbuttoned, with a pukka shell necklace that caught the small amount of light thrown by the inappropriate yellow glass candle on the table. White plastic mesh that looked like a refugee from the produce department of the Piggly-Wiggly decorated the glass of the candle holder. He caught their entrance and leaned back in his booth, one arm raised slightly above his head, and the other hidden beneath the table. “You boys the Handsome brothers?” He asked. His voice as graveled as his visage was craggy. “Of course you are.” He said, his mustache twitching in something that might have been a controlled burst smile. “Sit. Beer?” He held forth a Coots bottle. It was an empty Coots bottle, and he had been scratching at the label, but despite that the word Coots was still visible.
Joe scootched into the booth first. He was not at all certain about meeting this person. The only thing worse would have been if he happened to have an eye-patch, which – thankfully – he did not.
Guy sat next to his brother and said, “that's a joke right? Coots?”
Cut to commercial: Ghost Story, the most recent addition to the Dresden Files novels by Jim Butcher. Buy it, read it, thank me later!
“Never kid a man about his beer.” The man said. Like everything he said it came out an admixture of laconic and axiom. They had the distinct impression that, had there been a spittoon, the man would have made use of it for punctuation.
“Sure, a beer would be nice,” Joe replied politely. Courtesy was a useful tool for times when you were in an awkward social situation. He decided that he would probably rate this among his top three awkward social situations. Number one was the time he woke up in the fountain on campus dressed as Dr. Frankenfuter. Number two was the time his mother had set him up on a blind date with a female contortionist who only spoke a rudimentary Engrish, and his misinterpretation of the phrase: “wordo you riku foruk?” (As opposed, he later found out, to chopsticks. He would have otherwise gladly eaten with chopsticks.) And now, this was his number three. So far.
“Good.” The man said and he beckoned to a waitress who could have given an ugly stepsister a run for her money. “Three, Honey.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Honey replied. “Big Jim and the Twins.” She winked a heavily false eye-lashed lid at them.
Guy couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped him at her observation. He looked at his brother, which proved a mistake, as that set Joe off as well.
For his part, the Craggy Man rolled his eyes. These were good eggs. And good eggs always meant only one thing: Trouble.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
Blick's Cafe Novocaine promised that when you left, you would be feeling no pain. It was one of those places that looked like a disreputable hole in the wall from the outside, and was worse once you entered. A den of iniquity.
How bad was it? You might well ask. Aside from the fact that they admitted people who were inappropriately attired (and I am not speaking of polka dot shirts and plaid shorts, although there was a fellow wearing Birkenstock knock-offs and black socks, with that horrendous combination,) they chose their brand of beer based upon which bottles were the hardest to shatter, just to cut down on the amount of glass they had to dig out of injuries.
At the very moment that the Handsome brothers happened to enter the bar, the Cantina music from Star Wars started up on the juke box, http://www.thesoundarchive.com/play-wav-files.asp?sound=starwars/Cantina1.mid which added a new dimension to an already surreal experience.
Then they saw... him. Craggy, mustachioed visage, with a slouch that indicated a devil may care attitude, and eyes shaded by heavy, albeit not quite menacing brows. He wore a silk floral shirt, unbuttoned, with a pukka shell necklace that caught the small amount of light thrown by the inappropriate yellow glass candle on the table. White plastic mesh that looked like a refugee from the produce department of the Piggly-Wiggly decorated the glass of the candle holder. He caught their entrance and leaned back in his booth, one arm raised slightly above his head, and the other hidden beneath the table. “You boys the Handsome brothers?” He asked. His voice as graveled as his visage was craggy. “Of course you are.” He said, his mustache twitching in something that might have been a controlled burst smile. “Sit. Beer?” He held forth a Coots bottle. It was an empty Coots bottle, and he had been scratching at the label, but despite that the word Coots was still visible.
Joe scootched into the booth first. He was not at all certain about meeting this person. The only thing worse would have been if he happened to have an eye-patch, which – thankfully – he did not.
Guy sat next to his brother and said, “that's a joke right? Coots?”
Cut to commercial: Ghost Story, the most recent addition to the Dresden Files novels by Jim Butcher. Buy it, read it, thank me later!
“Never kid a man about his beer.” The man said. Like everything he said it came out an admixture of laconic and axiom. They had the distinct impression that, had there been a spittoon, the man would have made use of it for punctuation.
“Sure, a beer would be nice,” Joe replied politely. Courtesy was a useful tool for times when you were in an awkward social situation. He decided that he would probably rate this among his top three awkward social situations. Number one was the time he woke up in the fountain on campus dressed as Dr. Frankenfuter. Number two was the time his mother had set him up on a blind date with a female contortionist who only spoke a rudimentary Engrish, and his misinterpretation of the phrase: “wordo you riku foruk?” (As opposed, he later found out, to chopsticks. He would have otherwise gladly eaten with chopsticks.) And now, this was his number three. So far.
“Good.” The man said and he beckoned to a waitress who could have given an ugly stepsister a run for her money. “Three, Honey.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Honey replied. “Big Jim and the Twins.” She winked a heavily false eye-lashed lid at them.
Guy couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped him at her observation. He looked at his brother, which proved a mistake, as that set Joe off as well.
For his part, the Craggy Man rolled his eyes. These were good eggs. And good eggs always meant only one thing: Trouble.
05 July, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Subterfuge
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
In fact, Pele was watching the brothers more closely. Not because of the reasons Joe was entertaining, but because their approach to life amused her.
Certainly as a child you watched the comings and goings of some lesser beings? Ants, perhaps. For Pele, whose life moved at geologic speeds, the daily doings and the thoughts and rushing to and fro of the people who lived upon her sloping shoulders held that same fascination. Especially when they looked like Guy and Joe Handsome, and had no shirts on.
Now, some of you, dear readers, have wondered why the brothers were not made to be bereft of pants, as well. As an ancient goddess, Pele simply was not impressed by a man's least impressive parts. (She tended to view things from the ground point of view.)
Still others of you have wondered about the lack of shirtless women, and I can only address that by saying that you need to write your own stories.
Guy, scowled at the author and rattled his newspaper so that things could move along, as they were almost to the commercial and he had not yet had any lines.
“I've been concerned,” Both brothers said to each other at the same time. Then they both paused politely to allow the other one to go first.
“You,” They both said at the same time.
“No, you,” The both said at the same time.
There followed a pause. Then Guy said, “we need subterfuge, in case we are being overheard.”
Joe could not have agreed more. “Yes.”
Cut to commercial: Ciphers can be so much fun, here is the dancing men cipher. https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuUb95QqFsLByMccvipLlAPlgasWqIOpDveEjtWj0QZELX9ftIwZhfq4LIndgf1UPUpAb2NYrlgknfskSJl5a1AvZPWQ4lXUMk6hWZIF8BkQqMTRDyuut3cUKysGVmiK4VONf_2nMAe_35/s320/encrypt04.jpg
29 June, 2011
Tonight's Episode: I'll Fly Away.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
“Soon,” Guy said pointing to the calendar, where Joe's flight to Chicago was listed.
“I'll fly away, O! Glory! I'll fly away, on that morning! Yes, I'll fly, Hallelujah, by and by! I'll fly away!” Joe sang.
Pedaling furiously as as their fares were shouting about being late, Guy looked over at Joe and sang, “Some glad morning when this life is o'er...”
And Joe sang back, “I'll fly away?”
“To our home, on Chicago's Eastern shore!” Guy sang out.
“I'll fly away! I'll fly away!” Joe sang out.
Pele noted that something was... different about the Handsome brothers, and not just because when she was carried past them by her bearers that they began to sing.
“When the shadows of this life have gone,” Guys sang softly as Pele passed.
“I'll fly away?”
“Like a bird! From prison bars has flown!”
“ I'll fly away.”
“Fly away,” Guy made a ZZ Top gesture, implying the universal concept of 'outta here.'
Joe waved.
Cut to commercial: Brought to you by my Quilt Quest Stash! http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc139/blazeorama/quilt%20quest/DSC02087.jpg
As they grilled a couple of fish they had caught for dinner, Joe sang softly: “I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away!”
“... on that morning! In the sky, Hallelujah, by and by...” Guy reminded his brother.
“I'll fly away!”
The next morning, they transported a family with four year old twins and a Newfoundland dog who needed drooling bibs, and the dog had weak bladder.
“Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away.” Joe whispered to his brother.
“Chicago land, where the Antics never end.” Guy teased him.
“I'll fly away!” Joe agreed. “I'll fly away.”
“Those two are up to something,” Pele mused aloud, mostly to the camera, “I just know it.”
“Soon,” Guy said pointing to the calendar, where Joe's flight to Chicago was listed.
“I'll fly away, O! Glory! I'll fly away, on that morning! Yes, I'll fly, Hallelujah, by and by! I'll fly away!” Joe sang.
Pedaling furiously as as their fares were shouting about being late, Guy looked over at Joe and sang, “Some glad morning when this life is o'er...”
And Joe sang back, “I'll fly away?”
“To our home, on Chicago's Eastern shore!” Guy sang out.
“I'll fly away! I'll fly away!” Joe sang out.
Pele noted that something was... different about the Handsome brothers, and not just because when she was carried past them by her bearers that they began to sing.
“When the shadows of this life have gone,” Guys sang softly as Pele passed.
“I'll fly away?”
“Like a bird! From prison bars has flown!”
“ I'll fly away.”
“Fly away,” Guy made a ZZ Top gesture, implying the universal concept of 'outta here.'
Joe waved.
Cut to commercial: Brought to you by my Quilt Quest Stash! http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc139/blazeorama/quilt%20quest/DSC02087.jpg
As they grilled a couple of fish they had caught for dinner, Joe sang softly: “I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away!”
“... on that morning! In the sky, Hallelujah, by and by...” Guy reminded his brother.
“I'll fly away!”
The next morning, they transported a family with four year old twins and a Newfoundland dog who needed drooling bibs, and the dog had weak bladder.
“Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away.” Joe whispered to his brother.
“Chicago land, where the Antics never end.” Guy teased him.
“I'll fly away!” Joe agreed. “I'll fly away.”
“Those two are up to something,” Pele mused aloud, mostly to the camera, “I just know it.”
19 June, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Sweeps
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele
Pele, while frequently away of late, always came home for meetings of the Polynesian Voyaging Society. She especially liked the night meetings on the beaches far from urban light sources, and also the hikes up on Mauna Kea. (Although more than once in the past several decades she had been annoyed by prohibitions on palanquins during the hikes.)
The Polynesian peoples who had first settled her Islands were a great relief to her loneliness, yes, but in an historical retrospective they had also saved her from being reviled by later Christian settlers as a demon or worse as a virgin!
But mostly, Pele loved to listen to the people talk about the star swept sky.
The stars, she knew were great furnaces so far away that one could only see them as pin pricks of light in the obsidian blackness of space.
As the ocean breeze swept her hair and her flame colored mu-mu this way and that, she wondered what those long ago voyagers had felt, and wondered how, if they were afraid in the huge tracts of darkness that their ocean crossing required, they had managed to stay the course?
“Are you chilly?” Guy asked the woman looking at the stars, and offering her the blanket that he had brought along to sit on. He had it wrapped generously around her shoulders, not even realizing who was standing before him, as Pele was wearing one of her more aged avatars.
“Thank you.” She was now grinning, “but you must be cold! Why don't you go put a shirt on?” She waited for his reply. If she had expected complaint, or remonstration she was disappointed.
“No, that is okay, I come from Chicago, and it gets so cold there you can toss a cup of coffee into the air and it makes snow.” He followed her gaze. “It is great here, isn't it?”
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by Christine's latest greatest quilt. http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC03551.jpg
Joe came jogging up to his brother, and instantly wondered how, even with dozens of beautiful wahines around, he always ended up conversing with an older person. “Sup?”
“He was telling me how it can snow coffee in your homeland,” Pele replied. “And how you don't get cold here, even when it is chilly, like now.”
Joe laughed, “yes, to us? This isn't chilly!”
“So, why do you think the Polynesians came to this land?” She asked the brothers.
Joe was about to give a dozen sociological-economic reasons for undertaking such a voyage, when he suddenly looked at Guy and recalled something from their youth. “Just a little farther.” He whispered the phrase wistfully.
Guy chuckled. “Which is why people do anything. You climb on a rock, then you have to climb on a little bit bigger rock.”
“And if you have a brother? You have to climb a little higher than he climbed,” Joe explained.
“So then of course he has to climb a little higher than that,” Guy continued, “And if your Mom and Dad let you run ahead at the park? You want to go... just a little farther.”
“So eventually you end up on the moon,” Joe finished.
“Just a little farther?” Pele realized, “I feel like that about the ocean, and how far into it the land goes.”
Her disguise lifted and the brother's were a bit startled. They watched her sweep away, still holding their blanket around herself, like some ancient chieftain.
Pele, while frequently away of late, always came home for meetings of the Polynesian Voyaging Society. She especially liked the night meetings on the beaches far from urban light sources, and also the hikes up on Mauna Kea. (Although more than once in the past several decades she had been annoyed by prohibitions on palanquins during the hikes.)
The Polynesian peoples who had first settled her Islands were a great relief to her loneliness, yes, but in an historical retrospective they had also saved her from being reviled by later Christian settlers as a demon or worse as a virgin!
But mostly, Pele loved to listen to the people talk about the star swept sky.
The stars, she knew were great furnaces so far away that one could only see them as pin pricks of light in the obsidian blackness of space.
As the ocean breeze swept her hair and her flame colored mu-mu this way and that, she wondered what those long ago voyagers had felt, and wondered how, if they were afraid in the huge tracts of darkness that their ocean crossing required, they had managed to stay the course?
“Are you chilly?” Guy asked the woman looking at the stars, and offering her the blanket that he had brought along to sit on. He had it wrapped generously around her shoulders, not even realizing who was standing before him, as Pele was wearing one of her more aged avatars.
“Thank you.” She was now grinning, “but you must be cold! Why don't you go put a shirt on?” She waited for his reply. If she had expected complaint, or remonstration she was disappointed.
“No, that is okay, I come from Chicago, and it gets so cold there you can toss a cup of coffee into the air and it makes snow.” He followed her gaze. “It is great here, isn't it?”
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by Christine's latest greatest quilt. http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC03551.jpg
Joe came jogging up to his brother, and instantly wondered how, even with dozens of beautiful wahines around, he always ended up conversing with an older person. “Sup?”
“He was telling me how it can snow coffee in your homeland,” Pele replied. “And how you don't get cold here, even when it is chilly, like now.”
Joe laughed, “yes, to us? This isn't chilly!”
“So, why do you think the Polynesians came to this land?” She asked the brothers.
Joe was about to give a dozen sociological-economic reasons for undertaking such a voyage, when he suddenly looked at Guy and recalled something from their youth. “Just a little farther.” He whispered the phrase wistfully.
Guy chuckled. “Which is why people do anything. You climb on a rock, then you have to climb on a little bit bigger rock.”
“And if you have a brother? You have to climb a little higher than he climbed,” Joe explained.
“So then of course he has to climb a little higher than that,” Guy continued, “And if your Mom and Dad let you run ahead at the park? You want to go... just a little farther.”
“So eventually you end up on the moon,” Joe finished.
“Just a little farther?” Pele realized, “I feel like that about the ocean, and how far into it the land goes.”
Her disguise lifted and the brother's were a bit startled. They watched her sweep away, still holding their blanket around herself, like some ancient chieftain.
11 June, 2011
Tonight's episode: Beer and Skittles
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Neil Patrick Harris as Nathaniel Winkle
It has to be said, that even though afflicted with Pele's curse, and unable to go into the mainstream stores, those which proudly (or wickedly) display signs proclaiming: No Shirt No Shoes No Service, this did not decrease the Handsome brother's need for supplies and sundries. It caused them to investigate the virtues of the small business owner, who valued trade above wardrobe.
Winkle's was one of those stores where a shirtless man could indeed buy a gallon of milk, some bread, peanut butter and other goods to keep body and soul together. So it was that, when on their way to work early one morning, they saw Nat Winkle's truck under an underpass, they pulled their pedicabs over and asked, “heya, Natty, sup?”
Nathaniel Winkle, technically the eighth, called Natty to distinguish him from his father, who went by the moniker Nat-fish (neither brother had yet had the time and temerity to ask regarding this.)
“Damn hammer.” Natty was somewhat sooty and looked at them from behind his thick round glasses. His white deli coat showed some stress from being on the ground.
Joe knelt and looked. “Wow, you don't see that every day.” There was claw hammer that had impaled the right rear tire of the Winklemobile.
“It's like I am cursed. You can't imagine what it is like!” The younger Winkle exclaimed.
“You might be surprised,” Joe replied quietly.
Cut to Commercial: The Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html So good!
Natty spread his hands in exasperation. “No matter where, no matter what, it is always a hammer.”
Pragmatic, Guy said, “have a jack? We can help you change the tire.” He peeked under the truck for the spare, “You have a flat spare.” He looked at Joe, “There is another hammer in it.”
“No way,” Joe’s voice was hushed.
“Way,” Guy nodded, truth being stranger than fiction.
Joe hunkered to look under the truck, “Look at that!'
“Hammer.” Natty sighed.
“No problem,” Guy said, “hop in the cab, and we'll take you to pick up a tire and bring you back.”
“First we should push you out from in the underpass, you can't believe how unsafe...” He didn't even get the words out when they heard a squeal of tires and crunching from above themselves! Down poured a familiar smelling golden liquid. On the other side of the underpass a sound like hail, or beads echoed.
“Even in the face of disaster, life can be all beer and skittles!” Natty stated and then shouted, “ow!” As a hammer dislodged from the I beam above them and landed on his foot.
Guest Star: Neil Patrick Harris as Nathaniel Winkle
It has to be said, that even though afflicted with Pele's curse, and unable to go into the mainstream stores, those which proudly (or wickedly) display signs proclaiming: No Shirt No Shoes No Service, this did not decrease the Handsome brother's need for supplies and sundries. It caused them to investigate the virtues of the small business owner, who valued trade above wardrobe.
Winkle's was one of those stores where a shirtless man could indeed buy a gallon of milk, some bread, peanut butter and other goods to keep body and soul together. So it was that, when on their way to work early one morning, they saw Nat Winkle's truck under an underpass, they pulled their pedicabs over and asked, “heya, Natty, sup?”
Nathaniel Winkle, technically the eighth, called Natty to distinguish him from his father, who went by the moniker Nat-fish (neither brother had yet had the time and temerity to ask regarding this.)
“Damn hammer.” Natty was somewhat sooty and looked at them from behind his thick round glasses. His white deli coat showed some stress from being on the ground.
Joe knelt and looked. “Wow, you don't see that every day.” There was claw hammer that had impaled the right rear tire of the Winklemobile.
“It's like I am cursed. You can't imagine what it is like!” The younger Winkle exclaimed.
“You might be surprised,” Joe replied quietly.
Cut to Commercial: The Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html So good!
Natty spread his hands in exasperation. “No matter where, no matter what, it is always a hammer.”
Pragmatic, Guy said, “have a jack? We can help you change the tire.” He peeked under the truck for the spare, “You have a flat spare.” He looked at Joe, “There is another hammer in it.”
“No way,” Joe’s voice was hushed.
“Way,” Guy nodded, truth being stranger than fiction.
Joe hunkered to look under the truck, “Look at that!'
“Hammer.” Natty sighed.
“No problem,” Guy said, “hop in the cab, and we'll take you to pick up a tire and bring you back.”
“First we should push you out from in the underpass, you can't believe how unsafe...” He didn't even get the words out when they heard a squeal of tires and crunching from above themselves! Down poured a familiar smelling golden liquid. On the other side of the underpass a sound like hail, or beads echoed.
“Even in the face of disaster, life can be all beer and skittles!” Natty stated and then shouted, “ow!” As a hammer dislodged from the I beam above them and landed on his foot.
06 June, 2011
Tonight's episode: Life without Howie.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Kelly Hu as Master Mi'na'kee
The sudden and unexplained absence of Uncle Howard put the brothers into the doldrums for many days.
Even quoting wonderful figures like, “Did you know one of the largest ever Lu'au was hosted by Kamehameha III in 1847. The list of foods prepared included 271 hogs, 482 large calabashes of poi, 3,125 salt fish, 1,820 fresh fish, 2,245 coconuts, 4,000 taro plants and numerous other delicacies. King Kalakaua, who was known as the ‘Merry Monarch’ for his love of parties and dance, invited over 1500 guests to his 50th birthday luau. They were fed in shifts of 500!” Didn't cheer Joe up.
Finding out that Kaz Kaiser's unitard during a recent race in Seattle had left him in-bare-assed, didn't cheer up Guy. Well, okay, yes it did– but not for long. (That should have been good for at least a week.)
Even the Madams Soo mentioned how things seemed a whole third less wonderful with Howard gone.
Of course there was lots of work to be done, making up for hours missed at being pedi-cabbies while they did fun stuff with Uncle Howie.
But it came to a head when Guy walked in and saw a glazed-like-a-donut Joe about to put on a shirt! “Are you crazy? What are you doing?” He cried aloud.
Joe froze and looked at the khaki colored four pocket safari shirt in his hands. He had even ironed it! “I... I don't know what got into me!” He stammered the words and placed the shirt onto a hanger. “I guess I was feeling... normal.”
Normal. The word hung there in the air like a pall. Normal. It seemed like forever since their lives had been that way, that 9 to 5 way.
“Oh, Joe,” Guy said slowly shaking his head in horror, “We need an intervention.”
Cut to Commercial: Serynzia electronic music! You can hear it here: http://bit.ly/2voHJe
They rode to the yellow and blue sign that said: Chakra Alignment.
Soon the brothers found themselves in a pergola covered garden with babbling water fountains and chimes of lun.
Master Mi'na'kee was facing them, her hands folded in greeting and she looked upon them and saw that their chakras were indeed wildly misaligned. “I can see that the earth is pulling you in many ways at once,” She said circling them. “We will need both sound and hand treatments to realign your pathways.”
Guy and Joe seated themselves, and attempted to relax.
“In the Light of the Creator...We See Only Love!” Master Mi'na'kee struck a tuning fork upon her elbow and the sound thrummed through the garden, harmonizing with some of the chimes and dissonizing with others. She brought her hands forward...
“Did I fall asleep?” Guy asked, suddenly noticing that garden was silent, “I saw myself in a place where everything tasted wonderful and yet it was all less filling.”
“Did we fall asleep?” Joe asked, seeing that the sun was much lower on the horizon, “I saw myself in a place where I could actually taste the rainbow.”
“You were wrapped in the cocoon of golden healing,” Master Mi'na'kee told them. “Your waking sleep gave you the key.”
After they bowed to the Master, (who waived her fee at this time, because the Handsome brothers had agreed that she could use photos of them in her garden on both her website and her brochures,) the brothers rode home.
They had much to contemplate.
Guest Star: Kelly Hu as Master Mi'na'kee
The sudden and unexplained absence of Uncle Howard put the brothers into the doldrums for many days.
Even quoting wonderful figures like, “Did you know one of the largest ever Lu'au was hosted by Kamehameha III in 1847. The list of foods prepared included 271 hogs, 482 large calabashes of poi, 3,125 salt fish, 1,820 fresh fish, 2,245 coconuts, 4,000 taro plants and numerous other delicacies. King Kalakaua, who was known as the ‘Merry Monarch’ for his love of parties and dance, invited over 1500 guests to his 50th birthday luau. They were fed in shifts of 500!” Didn't cheer Joe up.
Finding out that Kaz Kaiser's unitard during a recent race in Seattle had left him in-bare-assed, didn't cheer up Guy. Well, okay, yes it did– but not for long. (That should have been good for at least a week.)
Even the Madams Soo mentioned how things seemed a whole third less wonderful with Howard gone.
Of course there was lots of work to be done, making up for hours missed at being pedi-cabbies while they did fun stuff with Uncle Howie.
But it came to a head when Guy walked in and saw a glazed-like-a-donut Joe about to put on a shirt! “Are you crazy? What are you doing?” He cried aloud.
Joe froze and looked at the khaki colored four pocket safari shirt in his hands. He had even ironed it! “I... I don't know what got into me!” He stammered the words and placed the shirt onto a hanger. “I guess I was feeling... normal.”
Normal. The word hung there in the air like a pall. Normal. It seemed like forever since their lives had been that way, that 9 to 5 way.
“Oh, Joe,” Guy said slowly shaking his head in horror, “We need an intervention.”
Cut to Commercial: Serynzia electronic music! You can hear it here: http://bit.ly/2voHJe
They rode to the yellow and blue sign that said: Chakra Alignment.
Soon the brothers found themselves in a pergola covered garden with babbling water fountains and chimes of lun.
Master Mi'na'kee was facing them, her hands folded in greeting and she looked upon them and saw that their chakras were indeed wildly misaligned. “I can see that the earth is pulling you in many ways at once,” She said circling them. “We will need both sound and hand treatments to realign your pathways.”
Guy and Joe seated themselves, and attempted to relax.
“In the Light of the Creator...We See Only Love!” Master Mi'na'kee struck a tuning fork upon her elbow and the sound thrummed through the garden, harmonizing with some of the chimes and dissonizing with others. She brought her hands forward...
“Did I fall asleep?” Guy asked, suddenly noticing that garden was silent, “I saw myself in a place where everything tasted wonderful and yet it was all less filling.”
“Did we fall asleep?” Joe asked, seeing that the sun was much lower on the horizon, “I saw myself in a place where I could actually taste the rainbow.”
“You were wrapped in the cocoon of golden healing,” Master Mi'na'kee told them. “Your waking sleep gave you the key.”
After they bowed to the Master, (who waived her fee at this time, because the Handsome brothers had agreed that she could use photos of them in her garden on both her website and her brochures,) the brothers rode home.
They had much to contemplate.
29 May, 2011
Tonight's episode: Lu'au!
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest stars: Akebono as the Big Man, Maggie Q as Mahala
and Scarlet Johanssen as Kestrel
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
The Madams Soo had insisted that if the brothers Handsome were going to attend the Big Man's anniversary Lu'au they had to dress properly! And that is how Joe and Guy arrived at the event in short grass skirts, and pukka shell necklaces and arm bands.
It was only very close friends who were invited to a real Lu'au, the Madam's Soo explained. Those other feasts were put on for tourists. The real thing? Well that was participatory, not purely entertainment.
So Guy grabbed his ukelele and Joe brought his tennis balls. Because while it had not yet been made obvious, Joe could not only quote actuarial tables and recite Pi over 200 places, but he could also juggle fairly well.
So equipped, they rolled.
When the Big Man answered his door dressed in a sarong of bright magenta with enormous Tiki faces of electric blue on it, they felt more assured of their accoutrement choices than before. “Hey, Handsomes!” The Big Man hugged them both, touching foreheads with them and dragged them into his ample back yard. “Welcome to my ‘aha‘aina,” He said, “That means gathering for a meal, but also implies that we are honoring the gods and our friends and to celebrate.”
The smell of food permeated the air, and good food at that, and for the first time the Handsome brothers got to meet the Big Man's wife and daughters, each of whom was more beautiful than the next.
Mahala, his wife, was pleased to meet these fine single men, who were rather pleasing to the eye. “Please sit! I will tell you all about the Lu'au!” She waved them to mats on the ground.
“Back in 1819 an enlightened King named Kamehameha the Second, changed the long standing tradition that men and women could not eat together, and also changed the tradition that nobles and peasants could not eat the same foods. So, he came and sat on the ground like just plain folks,” She smiled.
That was when Uncle Howie showed up. He looked fried. Smudged. Still, all the ladies flocked to him, and he didn't seem to mind.
Cut to Commercial: http://www.therhinecliff.com/dining.html The Rhinecliff Inn fine dining in an English Pub atmosphere. Delicious, friendly scenic!
As they sat on Lauhala mats, and ate Chicken wrapped in the tender leaves of Taro, cooked in coconut milk, (called luau!) they watched all sorts of delicious food come up from the imu, an in-ground barbecue pit, fish and sweet potatoes, pork and beef.
“Poi is named for the number of fingers you need to eat it with.” Leilani, the Big Man's 21 year old daughter said, dipping her fingers into a bowl and then placing them in her mouth, licking off the marvelous viscous porridge.
Guy had to grab a pitcher of water and pour it over himself.
Joe just grabbed a nearby hose and shoved it down inside his loin skirt to “water the grass.”
Then the guests took turns displaying skills to entertain each other. Guy played his ukelele. Joe juggled.
Uncle Howard stood up and suddenly maracas appeared in hands. By now they had talked him into a sarong, as well, and he grinned. “This isn't Hawai'ian, but...” And he began to sing and dance:
“They call me Cuban Pete, I'm the king of the rumba beat
when I play my maracas I go
chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom
Yes sir I'm Cuban Pete, I'm the craze of my native street
when I start to dance everything goes
chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom
The senorita, they sing and they swing with terampero
It's very nice, so full of spice
And when they dancin they bring a happy ring that era keros
singin a song, all the day long
so If you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete,
and I'll teach you to chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom ...”
Everyone joined in! Soon the whole crowd was doing the merengue holding onto each others hips and
the Big Man was laughing loudly.
Then a serious and beautiful red headed woman slunk out of the shadows. “Howie.” She beckoned. She was wearing a black jumpsuit like a second skin.
“What is it Kestrel?” Uncle Howard asked.
“You're needed, sir,” She replied.
Guy and Joe only got a brief hug and goodbye (and not from the fetching young woman, either) before their Uncle departed, sarong and all.
Our Next Episode: Life without Howie.
Guest stars: Akebono as the Big Man, Maggie Q as Mahala
and Scarlet Johanssen as Kestrel
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
The Madams Soo had insisted that if the brothers Handsome were going to attend the Big Man's anniversary Lu'au they had to dress properly! And that is how Joe and Guy arrived at the event in short grass skirts, and pukka shell necklaces and arm bands.
It was only very close friends who were invited to a real Lu'au, the Madam's Soo explained. Those other feasts were put on for tourists. The real thing? Well that was participatory, not purely entertainment.
So Guy grabbed his ukelele and Joe brought his tennis balls. Because while it had not yet been made obvious, Joe could not only quote actuarial tables and recite Pi over 200 places, but he could also juggle fairly well.
So equipped, they rolled.
When the Big Man answered his door dressed in a sarong of bright magenta with enormous Tiki faces of electric blue on it, they felt more assured of their accoutrement choices than before. “Hey, Handsomes!” The Big Man hugged them both, touching foreheads with them and dragged them into his ample back yard. “Welcome to my ‘aha‘aina,” He said, “That means gathering for a meal, but also implies that we are honoring the gods and our friends and to celebrate.”
The smell of food permeated the air, and good food at that, and for the first time the Handsome brothers got to meet the Big Man's wife and daughters, each of whom was more beautiful than the next.
Mahala, his wife, was pleased to meet these fine single men, who were rather pleasing to the eye. “Please sit! I will tell you all about the Lu'au!” She waved them to mats on the ground.
“Back in 1819 an enlightened King named Kamehameha the Second, changed the long standing tradition that men and women could not eat together, and also changed the tradition that nobles and peasants could not eat the same foods. So, he came and sat on the ground like just plain folks,” She smiled.
That was when Uncle Howie showed up. He looked fried. Smudged. Still, all the ladies flocked to him, and he didn't seem to mind.
Cut to Commercial: http://www.therhinecliff.com/dining.html The Rhinecliff Inn fine dining in an English Pub atmosphere. Delicious, friendly scenic!
As they sat on Lauhala mats, and ate Chicken wrapped in the tender leaves of Taro, cooked in coconut milk, (called luau!) they watched all sorts of delicious food come up from the imu, an in-ground barbecue pit, fish and sweet potatoes, pork and beef.
“Poi is named for the number of fingers you need to eat it with.” Leilani, the Big Man's 21 year old daughter said, dipping her fingers into a bowl and then placing them in her mouth, licking off the marvelous viscous porridge.
Guy had to grab a pitcher of water and pour it over himself.
Joe just grabbed a nearby hose and shoved it down inside his loin skirt to “water the grass.”
Then the guests took turns displaying skills to entertain each other. Guy played his ukelele. Joe juggled.
Uncle Howard stood up and suddenly maracas appeared in hands. By now they had talked him into a sarong, as well, and he grinned. “This isn't Hawai'ian, but...” And he began to sing and dance:
“They call me Cuban Pete, I'm the king of the rumba beat
when I play my maracas I go
chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom
Yes sir I'm Cuban Pete, I'm the craze of my native street
when I start to dance everything goes
chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom
The senorita, they sing and they swing with terampero
It's very nice, so full of spice
And when they dancin they bring a happy ring that era keros
singin a song, all the day long
so If you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete,
and I'll teach you to chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom ...”
Everyone joined in! Soon the whole crowd was doing the merengue holding onto each others hips and
the Big Man was laughing loudly.
Then a serious and beautiful red headed woman slunk out of the shadows. “Howie.” She beckoned. She was wearing a black jumpsuit like a second skin.
“What is it Kestrel?” Uncle Howard asked.
“You're needed, sir,” She replied.
Guy and Joe only got a brief hug and goodbye (and not from the fetching young woman, either) before their Uncle departed, sarong and all.
Our Next Episode: Life without Howie.
15 May, 2011
Tonight's episode: Caldera Tango
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Joe said, “so what do you want to do today, Uncle Howie?”
The three men were hanging out on the beach near the cottage, Guy and Howard Handsome in hammocks and Joe Handsome on his laptop in a lawn chair.
All in all they had been having a wonderful time together during Uncle Howie's vacation. Howard successfully sloughed off questions into his vocation, and the brothers avoided explaining why they didn't ever wear shirts, or why they were not returning to Chicago and their regular lives.
It was a guy thing.
“I think I would like to just kick back and have some time to myself, today.” Howie said casually. “If that is okay with you both?”
Guy looked at his Uncle, “We have invites to a Luau tonight,” He said.
“I'll make certain that I am back by then,” Howard promised. Then he gave each of his nephews a hug and departed for his time to himself.
Pele was standing on the rim to her favorite caldera. She was wearing her favorite gown, the one with the fitted bodice and the voluminous full length skirt with the tightly ruffled flounce that followed the slit from the ground to her hip. Behind her ear was a hibiscus blossom as boldly red as the gown she wore.
Of course, she was expecting company. And, as a goddess is not apt to be disappointed, she saw the massively stud-like Howard Handsome walking up, his white linen shirt mostly unbuttoned, and his sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm. His black trousers fit just right, clinging to his gladiator's thighs, and giving her an urge to make him turn around, so she could check the fit there, as well.
“I think you are what is keeping my nephews here,” He said as he came face to face with her. Which was really more chest to face, since he had a height advantage. He seized her shoulders and pulled her close, making her look up into his eyes.
Pele licked her lips and smiled secretively, “I don't think you know as much about me as you pretend to,” she replied.
Somewhere a tango began to play.
Cut to Commercial: http://crab.rutgers.edu/~pbutler/bransler.html The Bhakaili Branslers -- Best medieval dance band... EVER!
Howard's hand found the small of Pele’s back and he began to sing:
“Molten fire,
you make me burn
With molten fire
to melt my heart,
a heart of stone.
Black as stone,
black as night,
black are your eyes
yet they burn
with molten fire.”
Together they moved to the beat of the music, move countering move, swaying and maintaining each other’s gaze.
As he snapped her to arms length and coiled her back in, Pele sang back:
“Your heat,
the steam it rises,
Your waves
pound the shore
of fire.
Yet my heart
melts a distant
icy shore
glacier graced
with ardor.”
Howard bent her back and dragged her across the pumice and ash. His rich full voice rang out:
“Free on the wind
your hair lifts
free as your gaze
free as your smile,
can you not be free?
Soft dark curves
Like the mountains
heave with a sigh.
roll like the meadows
in the wind.”
Pele raked her hands through his hair and smacked him, twice, across the face then pushed him backwards with a palm to his chest, always to the unrelenting rhythm, singing:
“Who are you
to know my heart
my soul of fire
and what moves
my world?
You can not
fight the force
of nature,
of creation,
that I am.”
Needless to say, Howard was late for the luau, but he never explained why. And seeing the look in his eyes, the Handsome brothers never asked.
Our next Episode: Luau!
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Joe said, “so what do you want to do today, Uncle Howie?”
The three men were hanging out on the beach near the cottage, Guy and Howard Handsome in hammocks and Joe Handsome on his laptop in a lawn chair.
All in all they had been having a wonderful time together during Uncle Howie's vacation. Howard successfully sloughed off questions into his vocation, and the brothers avoided explaining why they didn't ever wear shirts, or why they were not returning to Chicago and their regular lives.
It was a guy thing.
“I think I would like to just kick back and have some time to myself, today.” Howie said casually. “If that is okay with you both?”
Guy looked at his Uncle, “We have invites to a Luau tonight,” He said.
“I'll make certain that I am back by then,” Howard promised. Then he gave each of his nephews a hug and departed for his time to himself.
Pele was standing on the rim to her favorite caldera. She was wearing her favorite gown, the one with the fitted bodice and the voluminous full length skirt with the tightly ruffled flounce that followed the slit from the ground to her hip. Behind her ear was a hibiscus blossom as boldly red as the gown she wore.
Of course, she was expecting company. And, as a goddess is not apt to be disappointed, she saw the massively stud-like Howard Handsome walking up, his white linen shirt mostly unbuttoned, and his sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm. His black trousers fit just right, clinging to his gladiator's thighs, and giving her an urge to make him turn around, so she could check the fit there, as well.
“I think you are what is keeping my nephews here,” He said as he came face to face with her. Which was really more chest to face, since he had a height advantage. He seized her shoulders and pulled her close, making her look up into his eyes.
Pele licked her lips and smiled secretively, “I don't think you know as much about me as you pretend to,” she replied.
Somewhere a tango began to play.
Cut to Commercial: http://crab.rutgers.edu/~pbutler/bransler.html The Bhakaili Branslers -- Best medieval dance band... EVER!
Howard's hand found the small of Pele’s back and he began to sing:
“Molten fire,
you make me burn
With molten fire
to melt my heart,
a heart of stone.
Black as stone,
black as night,
black are your eyes
yet they burn
with molten fire.”
Together they moved to the beat of the music, move countering move, swaying and maintaining each other’s gaze.
As he snapped her to arms length and coiled her back in, Pele sang back:
“Your heat,
the steam it rises,
Your waves
pound the shore
of fire.
Yet my heart
melts a distant
icy shore
glacier graced
with ardor.”
Howard bent her back and dragged her across the pumice and ash. His rich full voice rang out:
“Free on the wind
your hair lifts
free as your gaze
free as your smile,
can you not be free?
Soft dark curves
Like the mountains
heave with a sigh.
roll like the meadows
in the wind.”
Pele raked her hands through his hair and smacked him, twice, across the face then pushed him backwards with a palm to his chest, always to the unrelenting rhythm, singing:
“Who are you
to know my heart
my soul of fire
and what moves
my world?
You can not
fight the force
of nature,
of creation,
that I am.”
Needless to say, Howard was late for the luau, but he never explained why. And seeing the look in his eyes, the Handsome brothers never asked.
Our next Episode: Luau!
13 May, 2011
Tonight's episode: Uncle Howard
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Howard Handsome came walking toward his favorite two nephews in a pair of faded denims and an off white linen shirt that he wore with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons all open, and he wasn't even cursed. “Guy! Joe!” He called out to them in a faint Aussie accent that, while the brothers didn't find it sexy, every woman in the area was instantly transfixed by.
The Handsome Brothers were always so pleased to see their Uncle that they never paused to think about why his accent was so different from their father's or theirs. Much hugging and back pounding ensued and then Uncle Howie, being in Rome, did as the Roman's do and took his shirt off entirely, (which caused two women to faint.)
“So, you make a living here pedaling bikes?” Howie asked, genuinely interested. Then suddenly he excused himself, disappearing into the crowd.
“I just love when Uncle How is around,” Joe said. “He always makes me feel better.”
“Yeah,” Guy agreed, He secured Uncle Howie's luggage on his cab, because Joe had won the honor of driving their uncle around. (In a rousing game of rock, paper, scissors.)
About fifteen minutes later, Howie returned, carrying a container of shave ice for each of them. “Where were we?”
“I am actually still working as an actuarial, too, Unc,” Joe said, as they sat around and nibbled their ices. “I telecommute four days a week.”
“And he is going to be going to the Actuarial Antics in Chicago,” Guy added.
“And you,” Howard said, “your Mum told me that you came in second in the Iron Man.” He said it proudly.
“I did.”
Then they started to pedal, discussing everything in their lives, and creating a itinerary that would keep their Uncle entertained and far from the volcano, limited only by the odd “no shirt, no shoes...” warning.
Cut to Commercial: Jill Parisi Studios http://jillparisi.com fine art for home, office or public spaces. Creative, Innovative, Aesthetic.
It was not the first time that the Handsome brothers noticed that their Uncle How disappeared several times a day for up to an hour. But when this occurred at the Ala Moana Beach Park and Magic Island, it was difficult not to notice that someone had suddenly appeared to rescue a couple of tourists from a severe riptide, and when it happened again at the 'Iolani Palace they noticed that someone snatched a small boy just as he plummeted from a balcony.
So as the pedaled home, Guy asked, “Uncle Howard? Are you a super hero?”
“No! Of course not!” Howie said, laughing. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
Joe poked a finger at the suitcase on Guy's cab. A piece of cloth was protruding from it.“Uhm, the yellow and black spandex, actually. That and the frequency of all your pit stops.”
“Unless you are on Lasics?” Guy chuckled.
Just as Howie was about to admonish his nephews for believing in Super Heroes, a gorgeous woman on a palanquin, born by more than a dozen rugged Hawaiian men stopped her transport and wafted toward him. He felt his temperature (and his heart rate) rising.
“How handsome!” Pele commented.
“Yes, I am,” Howard said charmingly, “but you have me at a disadvantage.”
“Yes, I do,” Pele replied coquettishly. “Have you taken the helicopter tour yet?” She asked.
“No, should I?” Howard asked.
“No, Uncle Howie is afraid of heights,” Guy interjected, rapidly.
“NO,” Joe admonished, heatedly, “do you know how unsafe those tours are?”
“I am not afraid,” Howard Handsome said gently, looking right into Pele's eyes, “of anything.”
“I can tell,” She replied, lifting a hand to caress his strong jawline.
“We have reservations!” Guy and Joe blurted in unison, and in perfect honesty, although which specific definition of that word was not stipulated.
“Later then,” Howard kissed the goddess' hand.
“Definitely later,” Pele cooed.
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Howard Handsome came walking toward his favorite two nephews in a pair of faded denims and an off white linen shirt that he wore with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons all open, and he wasn't even cursed. “Guy! Joe!” He called out to them in a faint Aussie accent that, while the brothers didn't find it sexy, every woman in the area was instantly transfixed by.
The Handsome Brothers were always so pleased to see their Uncle that they never paused to think about why his accent was so different from their father's or theirs. Much hugging and back pounding ensued and then Uncle Howie, being in Rome, did as the Roman's do and took his shirt off entirely, (which caused two women to faint.)
“So, you make a living here pedaling bikes?” Howie asked, genuinely interested. Then suddenly he excused himself, disappearing into the crowd.
“I just love when Uncle How is around,” Joe said. “He always makes me feel better.”
“Yeah,” Guy agreed, He secured Uncle Howie's luggage on his cab, because Joe had won the honor of driving their uncle around. (In a rousing game of rock, paper, scissors.)
About fifteen minutes later, Howie returned, carrying a container of shave ice for each of them. “Where were we?”
“I am actually still working as an actuarial, too, Unc,” Joe said, as they sat around and nibbled their ices. “I telecommute four days a week.”
“And he is going to be going to the Actuarial Antics in Chicago,” Guy added.
“And you,” Howard said, “your Mum told me that you came in second in the Iron Man.” He said it proudly.
“I did.”
Then they started to pedal, discussing everything in their lives, and creating a itinerary that would keep their Uncle entertained and far from the volcano, limited only by the odd “no shirt, no shoes...” warning.
Cut to Commercial: Jill Parisi Studios http://jillparisi.com fine art for home, office or public spaces. Creative, Innovative, Aesthetic.
It was not the first time that the Handsome brothers noticed that their Uncle How disappeared several times a day for up to an hour. But when this occurred at the Ala Moana Beach Park and Magic Island, it was difficult not to notice that someone had suddenly appeared to rescue a couple of tourists from a severe riptide, and when it happened again at the 'Iolani Palace they noticed that someone snatched a small boy just as he plummeted from a balcony.
So as the pedaled home, Guy asked, “Uncle Howard? Are you a super hero?”
“No! Of course not!” Howie said, laughing. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
Joe poked a finger at the suitcase on Guy's cab. A piece of cloth was protruding from it.“Uhm, the yellow and black spandex, actually. That and the frequency of all your pit stops.”
“Unless you are on Lasics?” Guy chuckled.
Just as Howie was about to admonish his nephews for believing in Super Heroes, a gorgeous woman on a palanquin, born by more than a dozen rugged Hawaiian men stopped her transport and wafted toward him. He felt his temperature (and his heart rate) rising.
“How handsome!” Pele commented.
“Yes, I am,” Howard said charmingly, “but you have me at a disadvantage.”
“Yes, I do,” Pele replied coquettishly. “Have you taken the helicopter tour yet?” She asked.
“No, should I?” Howard asked.
“No, Uncle Howie is afraid of heights,” Guy interjected, rapidly.
“NO,” Joe admonished, heatedly, “do you know how unsafe those tours are?”
“I am not afraid,” Howard Handsome said gently, looking right into Pele's eyes, “of anything.”
“I can tell,” She replied, lifting a hand to caress his strong jawline.
“We have reservations!” Guy and Joe blurted in unison, and in perfect honesty, although which specific definition of that word was not stipulated.
“Later then,” Howard kissed the goddess' hand.
“Definitely later,” Pele cooed.
05 May, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Cinco de Mayo, Hawaiian Style
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Starring: Davey Havok as Pizarro Fino
“Most recent statistics reveal that an estimated 84.1 million pounds of avocados will be consumed this year for Cinco de Mayo.” Joe said, not glancing up from his laptop.
“Really?” Guy said, “well, I am going to make that figure low when people taste my new invention.” He handed his brother a slice of his avocado-pineapple pie.
“I like the way you used coconut and a cherry to get that red white and green effect with it.” Joe took a bite. “Mm.”
“First place mm or second place mm?” Guy asked. Even though things had worked out well, and Tony promised that when it was time he would provide transport for Joe to Chicago, he did sometimes still wish he had won.
“Maybe third place mm.” Joe said, mostly for the reaction.
Only the proximity of the laptop save Joe from an avocado-pineapple facial and hair treatment.
The Handsome brothers had gone all out and dressed themselves and their pedicabs up for the local Cinco de Mayo. Each brother bore a wide brimmed sombrero, and Joe had thrown a Mexican Blanket, borrowed from the Madams Soo, over the seat section of his cab. Guy had gone for the red white and green crepe look, and had placed a Mexican flag just under the American flag that always adorned his pedicab, opposite the vermillion safety flag required by law.
Even Pele had gotten into the spirit of the event, she arrayed herself as an Aztec Goddess, all in crimson and gold and her bearers sported bandoliers across bare chests and handlebar mustachios. “Arriba! Arriba!” She shouted joyously.
Cut to Commercial: : http://www.vulcantourism.com/ Yes, there is a town called Vulcan in Alberta Canada, and all trekkie-types should a pilgrimage there attempt.
“Hey, guy!” Pizarro Fino shouted. He was dressed in total goth, piercings, tats, leathers, plus an outrageous serape, replete with tiny skulls throughout.
Guy stopped and said, “Si Senor?” He grinned. His Spanish accent sounded as far south as the South Side of Chicago.
“I have a gig at the Cha Cha Cha Salsaria, and I don't even know where that is? Can you get me there, and not rip me off too badly?”
“Sure.” Guy said, “my brother and I have to head over that way anyway, soon.”
“Yeah?” Pizarro settled into the pedicab. “I don't get it... what it with the whole Cinco sensation here? It is freakin' Hawaii dudes!”
Joe laughed, “what could possibly be wrong with a holiday that means eating nachos and drinking tequila?”
“What are we actually celebrating though?” The passenger asked.
“While Cinco de Mayo sees limited significance and celebration nationwide in Mexico, the date is observed as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, ” Joe informed him. “In Mexico it celebrates an unlikely Mexican victory over superior French forces at the battle of Puebla, in 1862. Although, for us, it is more like, Eat Guacamole Day.”
“You mean it isn't the Mexican fourth of July?” Their fare asked.
“That is exactly what it isn't.” Joe admitted.
Guy introduced himself and his brother to their fare, even though he technically wasn't Joe's fare. “Plus we get to hear Roshan play with the Santana Tribute band.”
“No shit? When is that?” Pizarro Fino asked.
“Just after the Son Caribe Salsa Band at 7.” Joe said, “and before that, Guy is entering his new pie in the Hawai'ispanic Desert Challenge.”
“Hey! That's the gig I am hosting!” Piz clapped his hands and laughed. “Too bad I'm not judging, I'd let you win.”
“Nah, I have to do that on my own merits or I get all gloomy,” Guy said cheerfully.
And his pie didn't make it in the top three, but did take the Best Haole Gringo Attemptola category by storm.
Guest Starring: Davey Havok as Pizarro Fino
“Most recent statistics reveal that an estimated 84.1 million pounds of avocados will be consumed this year for Cinco de Mayo.” Joe said, not glancing up from his laptop.
“Really?” Guy said, “well, I am going to make that figure low when people taste my new invention.” He handed his brother a slice of his avocado-pineapple pie.
“I like the way you used coconut and a cherry to get that red white and green effect with it.” Joe took a bite. “Mm.”
“First place mm or second place mm?” Guy asked. Even though things had worked out well, and Tony promised that when it was time he would provide transport for Joe to Chicago, he did sometimes still wish he had won.
“Maybe third place mm.” Joe said, mostly for the reaction.
Only the proximity of the laptop save Joe from an avocado-pineapple facial and hair treatment.
The Handsome brothers had gone all out and dressed themselves and their pedicabs up for the local Cinco de Mayo. Each brother bore a wide brimmed sombrero, and Joe had thrown a Mexican Blanket, borrowed from the Madams Soo, over the seat section of his cab. Guy had gone for the red white and green crepe look, and had placed a Mexican flag just under the American flag that always adorned his pedicab, opposite the vermillion safety flag required by law.
Even Pele had gotten into the spirit of the event, she arrayed herself as an Aztec Goddess, all in crimson and gold and her bearers sported bandoliers across bare chests and handlebar mustachios. “Arriba! Arriba!” She shouted joyously.
Cut to Commercial: : http://www.vulcantourism.com/ Yes, there is a town called Vulcan in Alberta Canada, and all trekkie-types should a pilgrimage there attempt.
“Hey, guy!” Pizarro Fino shouted. He was dressed in total goth, piercings, tats, leathers, plus an outrageous serape, replete with tiny skulls throughout.
Guy stopped and said, “Si Senor?” He grinned. His Spanish accent sounded as far south as the South Side of Chicago.
“I have a gig at the Cha Cha Cha Salsaria, and I don't even know where that is? Can you get me there, and not rip me off too badly?”
“Sure.” Guy said, “my brother and I have to head over that way anyway, soon.”
“Yeah?” Pizarro settled into the pedicab. “I don't get it... what it with the whole Cinco sensation here? It is freakin' Hawaii dudes!”
Joe laughed, “what could possibly be wrong with a holiday that means eating nachos and drinking tequila?”
“What are we actually celebrating though?” The passenger asked.
“While Cinco de Mayo sees limited significance and celebration nationwide in Mexico, the date is observed as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, ” Joe informed him. “In Mexico it celebrates an unlikely Mexican victory over superior French forces at the battle of Puebla, in 1862. Although, for us, it is more like, Eat Guacamole Day.”
“You mean it isn't the Mexican fourth of July?” Their fare asked.
“That is exactly what it isn't.” Joe admitted.
Guy introduced himself and his brother to their fare, even though he technically wasn't Joe's fare. “Plus we get to hear Roshan play with the Santana Tribute band.”
“No shit? When is that?” Pizarro Fino asked.
“Just after the Son Caribe Salsa Band at 7.” Joe said, “and before that, Guy is entering his new pie in the Hawai'ispanic Desert Challenge.”
“Hey! That's the gig I am hosting!” Piz clapped his hands and laughed. “Too bad I'm not judging, I'd let you win.”
“Nah, I have to do that on my own merits or I get all gloomy,” Guy said cheerfully.
And his pie didn't make it in the top three, but did take the Best Haole Gringo Attemptola category by storm.
27 April, 2011
Tonight’s Episode: Melodrama – a Fan Fic!
NB: Tonight's episode is a fan fiction that I was sent. It was penned by the inimical Marisol_29. Thanks, Marisol! Nothing makes an author feel more loved than a fan fiction! <3 Blaze
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Stars: Andrea Bocelli and Tony Danza
Guy Handsome sat nervously on his pedicab, awaiting another customer. Joe was at home, recovering from assorted second degree burns which had been acquired from too hot bath water. He had purchased a lovely silk shirt and had sworn up and down that trying on was not the same as wearing. Apparently Pele thought differently. While Guy had not been remotely involved in the affair, still he waited for the other shoe to drop.
Two men came toward Guy’s cab, both handsome, one leading the other, who was clearly visually impaired.
“My friend,” said the slightly elder, with a thick Brooklyn accent, “needs to go to the Opera House.” He smacked Guy with an expensive leather glove, stating, “So you can understand him,” and left without another word.
The other, settled in, smile on his face, watched Guy who tried to make conversation, asking, “So… what will you be doing at the theater?”
In clear, dulcet tones of a tenor, the comely man sang, “Questa mia canzone, inno dell’amore, te la canto adesso.”
“Oh, a singer, eh?” said Guy, pedaling with some urgency, feeling as though he should be hastening to get the man to his destination.
“Con il mio dolor, così forte, così grande, che mi trafigge il cuor,” the man, whom we shall name Andrea, continued.
Not realizing he understood the words, Guy winced in sympathy. “Stabbing pain in your heart? Maybe you should go to the hospital instead.”
“Ma limpido è il mattino, tra i campi odor di vino,” sang Andrea, and Guy sniffed the air to see if he could smell the wine too.
“Io ti sognavo e adesso, ti vedo ancora lì, ah, quanta nostalgia, affresco di collina.”
Guy looked back at the dude, uncomfortable to be told he had been dreamt about frolicking among the hills. What hills?
“Io pìango che pazzia, fu andarsene poi via.” Sweat began to run down Guy’s face as he thought it was madness for him not to just leave this guy and go.
Cut To Commercial: Buy the latest CD of Andrea Bocelli
“Questa melodia, inno dell’amore, te la canto e sento, tutto il mio dolor.” Then it was, that our hero realized the man san about a girl.
“Così forte, così grande, che mi trafigge il cuor, ma limpido è il mattino, tra i campi un gran mulino.” Guy began to wonder if his passenger was Don Quixote in reverse or something… seeing a windmill in the distance instead of the volcano.
“So… you are from Italy, then?” Guy finally caught on the song was in a different language.
“lì è nato il mio destino,” the man replied.
“Reminds me of a joke, what did the lemon said to the sugar cube?”
“Amaro senza te… amaro senza te,” Andrea belted out the punchline.
Guy laughed, fully comprehending now who his customer was. “So you must be performing tonight? What will you be singing about then?”
“E questo core canta, un dolce melodrama, èl’inno dell’amor,” the tenor responded with beautiful clarity.
“Hey, what if I go see your show tonight?” “Che canterò per te,” Andrea sang cheerfully.
Then, Guy remembered that he couldn’t wear a shirt, which had begun this whole fiasco from the start. “Sorry… can’t make it after all.”
Looking disappointed, having reached his destination, the man paid, “È un melodramma che
Che canto senza te.”
25 April, 2011
Tonight’s Episode: What are the Odds?
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest star: Akebono and Robert Downy, Jr.
“You do realize,” Joe said, “even if I was immortal... free of disease and senescence, the only causes of death possible to me could be accident, suicide and homicide.. there are only one in a billion chances that I would have a median lifespan of 1,200 years and a maximum lifespan of 25,000 years, right?”
Tony cocked his head and replied, “Time and lifespan here are measured subjectively--from the viewpoint of the individual in question. People who are practically immortal are only 'immortal' until a fatal accident catches up with them. Those who are physically immortal are, roughly speaking, 'immortal' to the end of time. Those who are completely immortal are as 'immortal' as it is logically possible to be. And those who are literally immortal will simply never die, period. For our current purposes, I will take immortality to mean physical immortality, as defined above...” Then he added wryly, “give or take.”
The Big Man considered, “but say I get run down by a passing chlorofiend, there will clearly be some universes in which I survive--at least from the point of view of some time shortly before the accident occurs. At the point when major miracles would be required to save me, it is possible that my death becomes 100% fated to happen--that is, if major miracles are eliminated as a possibility. But even if they are eliminated, my doomed state will not last for very long. Given the generally chaotic nature of the world, it seems a safe bet that this doomed state will not be reached until shortly before the accident. Ergo, so long as I can live with the fact that I might, in a small percentage of universes, exist for brief periods of time with the knowledge that I will die, then minor miracles offer a kind of immunity from death by accident.”
Guy hung his head down and sighed behind the Game Master's screen. “Look, can't you guys just roll the dice and see what happens like normal people?”
“But as a Knight of the Sword, the Big Man has to factor in that even the inevitability of death by action or accident may in some way alter the Universe.” Joe postulated, “I think it merits at least some discussion.”
“Look,” Tony said, “if you took Omega Point theory...” He borrowed a white board marker, and wrote a formula on the plexiglass that overlaid the peg board which delineated the area of the adventure which they were in. “The Omega Point is thus a person, eternal, omniscient, and due to the reversibility of the Einstein field equations, omnipresent, and if one accepts that this Being contains all of the algorithms of all natural processes, omnipotent.”
The other two nodded.
Cut to Commercial: The Dresden Files RPG, available in bundled order and PDF now! http://is.gd/bSZgw
Pele glided over toward the small cadre of men sitting around the low table, all of them with their shirts off. She sipped from her cup and wondered why the lines on the table were so very interesting to them... “what are you doing?” She asked.
Soon she was handed dice, and found herself a small pizza loving creature, only 8 inches high. She could fly, and she could ride on a canine or a feline if she wished it. More importantly, she could assist a Wizard in smiting trolls under a bridge. “Oh,” she said, “this is delightful! But you boys all understand, don't you, there are no Trolls anymore outside of Scandinavia, right?”
“No more technical discussion!” Guy decreed. “During the break when we have pizza. Otherwise? Otherwise... I will have DemiWho show up, and I don't care which system we are using.”
Joe instantly put a silencing finger to his lips. “You really, really don't want him to pull out his DemiWho.”
But Pele playing with her pretty, pretty, pretty lava hued dice, wasn't actually so sure she didn't.
Our Next Episode: Cinco de Mayo, Hawaiian Style.
Guest star: Akebono and Robert Downy, Jr.
“You do realize,” Joe said, “even if I was immortal... free of disease and senescence, the only causes of death possible to me could be accident, suicide and homicide.. there are only one in a billion chances that I would have a median lifespan of 1,200 years and a maximum lifespan of 25,000 years, right?”
Tony cocked his head and replied, “Time and lifespan here are measured subjectively--from the viewpoint of the individual in question. People who are practically immortal are only 'immortal' until a fatal accident catches up with them. Those who are physically immortal are, roughly speaking, 'immortal' to the end of time. Those who are completely immortal are as 'immortal' as it is logically possible to be. And those who are literally immortal will simply never die, period. For our current purposes, I will take immortality to mean physical immortality, as defined above...” Then he added wryly, “give or take.”
The Big Man considered, “but say I get run down by a passing chlorofiend, there will clearly be some universes in which I survive--at least from the point of view of some time shortly before the accident occurs. At the point when major miracles would be required to save me, it is possible that my death becomes 100% fated to happen--that is, if major miracles are eliminated as a possibility. But even if they are eliminated, my doomed state will not last for very long. Given the generally chaotic nature of the world, it seems a safe bet that this doomed state will not be reached until shortly before the accident. Ergo, so long as I can live with the fact that I might, in a small percentage of universes, exist for brief periods of time with the knowledge that I will die, then minor miracles offer a kind of immunity from death by accident.”
Guy hung his head down and sighed behind the Game Master's screen. “Look, can't you guys just roll the dice and see what happens like normal people?”
“But as a Knight of the Sword, the Big Man has to factor in that even the inevitability of death by action or accident may in some way alter the Universe.” Joe postulated, “I think it merits at least some discussion.”
“Look,” Tony said, “if you took Omega Point theory...” He borrowed a white board marker, and wrote a formula on the plexiglass that overlaid the peg board which delineated the area of the adventure which they were in. “The Omega Point is thus a person, eternal, omniscient, and due to the reversibility of the Einstein field equations, omnipresent, and if one accepts that this Being contains all of the algorithms of all natural processes, omnipotent.”
The other two nodded.
Cut to Commercial: The Dresden Files RPG, available in bundled order and PDF now! http://is.gd/bSZgw
Pele glided over toward the small cadre of men sitting around the low table, all of them with their shirts off. She sipped from her cup and wondered why the lines on the table were so very interesting to them... “what are you doing?” She asked.
Soon she was handed dice, and found herself a small pizza loving creature, only 8 inches high. She could fly, and she could ride on a canine or a feline if she wished it. More importantly, she could assist a Wizard in smiting trolls under a bridge. “Oh,” she said, “this is delightful! But you boys all understand, don't you, there are no Trolls anymore outside of Scandinavia, right?”
“No more technical discussion!” Guy decreed. “During the break when we have pizza. Otherwise? Otherwise... I will have DemiWho show up, and I don't care which system we are using.”
Joe instantly put a silencing finger to his lips. “You really, really don't want him to pull out his DemiWho.”
But Pele playing with her pretty, pretty, pretty lava hued dice, wasn't actually so sure she didn't.
Our Next Episode: Cinco de Mayo, Hawaiian Style.
22 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Stark Realities
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Surprise guest star: Robert Downy, Jr.
The down side of the media circus was that now that Mr. Stark was around, everyone else was sort of forgotten.
Joe went over to find the judges, and appeal the entry, but even the judges were flocking around the last minute winner. So he grabbed a few complimentary water bottles and went to sit in the shade with Guy, starting by pouring one of the bottles over him.
Guy just screamed.
“Oops,” said Joe, “I meant to pour the one on you that wasn't on ice.” He tried to look innocent.
Guy gave his brother a wall-eyed glare. Then he said, “second is okay,” because really, second in a iron man was really good. “How was my time?”
Joe sighed and handed his brother the air temperature water and started to drink the cold one. “You shaved almost twenty seconds off your best time.”
Just as he sat up someone dropped a tee shirt on each of the brothers, and they both flinched away from the garments as if they had been stung. “Gee,” said the young man, “what did you think I was tossing you? Cattle prods?”
Guy looked at the shirt. It said: Stark Enterprises. Joe looked around. Everyone was being handed shirts. All of them had the man's face grinning almost... lecherously? Voraciously? Well definitely in a cat that ate the canary way.
Guy pointed to where Kaz Kaiser was shredding the shirt he had been given and then stomping it in the dust.
The brothers laughed.
Cut to commercial: Can’t afford to go to Kate and Willie’s wedding? Try the next best thing! Attend the reception at The Rhinecliff. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html Your host, James Chapman, is affable, approachable, charming and will make certain that you enjoy the best that the Hudson Valley has to offer. Whether for a drink, a meal or a stay, or better yet one of their fabulous special events, this author heartily recommends the The Rhinecliff. It would be rude not to.
It was long after the crowd cleared that Tony's limo halted by the Handsome brothers. He opened the door and said, “Get in, boys, I'll give you a ride to your car.”
Joe wasn't going to, because you don't get into a car with a stranger, but Guy was up and said yes before his sensible brother could act. That put Joe in the position of having to go, or Guy would be alone.
“May I ask an impolite question?” Guy asked. their benefactor.
Tony gave him a pleased look, “I wish you would.” He said, “but if I don't like it I get to throw you out of the limo.”
“While it is moving?” Guy asked, gamely.
Tony just waggled his eyebrows.
“Are you filthy rich?” Guy asked the man.
“Beyond the dreams of Avarice,” he nodded.
“Good, can I ask a favor then?” Guy was always pushing things.
“Within reason, although, I think your brother is busting a gut there.”
“He's an actuary.” Guy explained, solemnly.
“Ask then.”
And that is how Joe Handsome found out that he could have a free shirtless jet ride to Chicago in Tony Stark's private jet.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
Surprise guest star: Robert Downy, Jr.
The down side of the media circus was that now that Mr. Stark was around, everyone else was sort of forgotten.
Joe went over to find the judges, and appeal the entry, but even the judges were flocking around the last minute winner. So he grabbed a few complimentary water bottles and went to sit in the shade with Guy, starting by pouring one of the bottles over him.
Guy just screamed.
“Oops,” said Joe, “I meant to pour the one on you that wasn't on ice.” He tried to look innocent.
Guy gave his brother a wall-eyed glare. Then he said, “second is okay,” because really, second in a iron man was really good. “How was my time?”
Joe sighed and handed his brother the air temperature water and started to drink the cold one. “You shaved almost twenty seconds off your best time.”
Just as he sat up someone dropped a tee shirt on each of the brothers, and they both flinched away from the garments as if they had been stung. “Gee,” said the young man, “what did you think I was tossing you? Cattle prods?”
Guy looked at the shirt. It said: Stark Enterprises. Joe looked around. Everyone was being handed shirts. All of them had the man's face grinning almost... lecherously? Voraciously? Well definitely in a cat that ate the canary way.
Guy pointed to where Kaz Kaiser was shredding the shirt he had been given and then stomping it in the dust.
The brothers laughed.
Cut to commercial: Can’t afford to go to Kate and Willie’s wedding? Try the next best thing! Attend the reception at The Rhinecliff. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html Your host, James Chapman, is affable, approachable, charming and will make certain that you enjoy the best that the Hudson Valley has to offer. Whether for a drink, a meal or a stay, or better yet one of their fabulous special events, this author heartily recommends the The Rhinecliff. It would be rude not to.
It was long after the crowd cleared that Tony's limo halted by the Handsome brothers. He opened the door and said, “Get in, boys, I'll give you a ride to your car.”
Joe wasn't going to, because you don't get into a car with a stranger, but Guy was up and said yes before his sensible brother could act. That put Joe in the position of having to go, or Guy would be alone.
“May I ask an impolite question?” Guy asked. their benefactor.
Tony gave him a pleased look, “I wish you would.” He said, “but if I don't like it I get to throw you out of the limo.”
“While it is moving?” Guy asked, gamely.
Tony just waggled his eyebrows.
“Are you filthy rich?” Guy asked the man.
“Beyond the dreams of Avarice,” he nodded.
“Good, can I ask a favor then?” Guy was always pushing things.
“Within reason, although, I think your brother is busting a gut there.”
“He's an actuary.” Guy explained, solemnly.
“Ask then.”
And that is how Joe Handsome found out that he could have a free shirtless jet ride to Chicago in Tony Stark's private jet.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
20 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Who Will Win?
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Introducing: Persephone as Liz
7:00 am, sharp, the starting gun fired. Athletes from all over the world ran along Hapuna Beach and dove into the water. Many had ergonometric neoprene suits, but just as many, like Guy Handsome had bare chests. (Yay!)
Initially Kauhuhu wanted to have done with Guy Handsome at this first go round of the race. He figured, a well placed shark and one bite, bye-bye Guy. But that initial vision was flawed, as the mighty Waka had pointed out to him, demonstrating this by devouring not just his chicken at dinner the night before, but every chicken he could see. Yes, a lone shark would perhaps hit the wrong swimmer, and a school of sharks might cause the race to be called off all together!
Kaz Kaiser drafted off of Guy Handsome. He had almost worn an expensive neoprene wet suit, but a comment by one of the very toothsome women he had overheard several days ago had changed his mind. It had been about real Olympians, the kinds that the gods of old had favored, and how they had performed in the nude. Well, the rules prohibited nude, as did the bike riding and the subsequent chafing... not to mention bouncing and flailing of certain of his... attributes. So, shirtlessly he powered through the waters of Hawaii and secretly wondered why a shark wasn't eating his foe!
As the swim took place Mo-o was in position to sabotage the bicycle which Guy Handsome was to use. His wrench was about to descend when Waka stayed his hand and pointed to the decal on the hot pink Fuji. “Yikes!” Mo-o said. “A Hammerhead!” Waka nodded and wagged his finger in the classic, “no no no” gesture and said, “waka-waka!”
Mo-o ran to Kauhuhu who was eating a hot dog, ogling some wahines and paying no attention to the race whatsoever. “Mighty Kauhuhu!” He said.
Kauhuhu shushed his minion until he finished the dog.
Cut to commercial: Get the perspective! http://www.wix.com/illuminantphoto/illuminantperspectives Yes, Illuminant Perspectives. Fine photography for your walls and you mind. Owner operated. Buy some art and be illuminated!
“Our human is doing second best, see? We really have to help it.” Kauhuhu said, not looking at the race in favor of some hula dancers and a voluptuous shave ice vendor.
“Great One! Is there any circumstance under which we would cause harm to the vehicle of a Hammerhead?”
Kauhuhu, who liked a puzzle every now and again, and who was starting to go over to hula with the ladies, thought this out carefully and then replied, “Yes, if we needed to save that person's life.”
The swimmers, after a mile point two, exited the water at a trot. They had to cross the timing mats and run to the designated Mounting Area. Kaz Kaiser was on his composite, high tech, street mean bike seconds! whole seconds! before our hero, Guy Handsome. “Move it, move, move!” Joe shouted at his brother.
And off they all went.
Salt water was the next ploy! At each of the timing sections, Mo-o and Waka spiked the cup they thought Guy was must likely to drink with ocean water. Which might have worked if Joe wasn't at every station handing his brother a cup, only after sipping it for purity. (Have we mentioned, dear reader, that Joe Handsome is an actuarial?)
Neck and neck, or more accurately, tire and tire, Kaz and Guy jumped from their bikes at the dismount marker. Now was the time for the 13.1 mile run, and run they did. Pacing each other. Eying each other with an masculine intensity that allowed neither to see as caltrops were cast on the roadway, only to be blown aside by a stiff wind that blew by all the runners.
Footfall for footfall they neared the finish, there Guy threw his kick in. That last dreg of energy that he pulled up from deep in his soul. But envy and avarice were the fire in Kaz's pace...
They were across the finish line.
“Second!” Guy was told by his brother, and he was pleased by that and crest fallen at the same time... except...
“Third?” They heard Kaz ask, his voice winded, yet still managing to be petulant.
That was when Joe pointed to the man. “They say his name is Tony Stark, and he came in like bloody Mercury!” Joe added, “he was a late entry.”
Tony was mugging for the camera, and then said, “Liz? Right?” To the sultry photographer.
“Yes, Mr. Stark” Liz replied, suddenly finding herself dipped and kissed by the winner, who wasn't even winded.
Guy fell onto the grass and decided to hyperventilate for a while.
Kaz decided to go shark hunting the next day.
Pele and Kauhuhu decided to be big about it and were doing the bump together to the sound of the hula.
Liz decided that she had the best job in the world.
Tony decided he was God's Gift to it.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Introducing: Persephone as Liz
7:00 am, sharp, the starting gun fired. Athletes from all over the world ran along Hapuna Beach and dove into the water. Many had ergonometric neoprene suits, but just as many, like Guy Handsome had bare chests. (Yay!)
Initially Kauhuhu wanted to have done with Guy Handsome at this first go round of the race. He figured, a well placed shark and one bite, bye-bye Guy. But that initial vision was flawed, as the mighty Waka had pointed out to him, demonstrating this by devouring not just his chicken at dinner the night before, but every chicken he could see. Yes, a lone shark would perhaps hit the wrong swimmer, and a school of sharks might cause the race to be called off all together!
Kaz Kaiser drafted off of Guy Handsome. He had almost worn an expensive neoprene wet suit, but a comment by one of the very toothsome women he had overheard several days ago had changed his mind. It had been about real Olympians, the kinds that the gods of old had favored, and how they had performed in the nude. Well, the rules prohibited nude, as did the bike riding and the subsequent chafing... not to mention bouncing and flailing of certain of his... attributes. So, shirtlessly he powered through the waters of Hawaii and secretly wondered why a shark wasn't eating his foe!
As the swim took place Mo-o was in position to sabotage the bicycle which Guy Handsome was to use. His wrench was about to descend when Waka stayed his hand and pointed to the decal on the hot pink Fuji. “Yikes!” Mo-o said. “A Hammerhead!” Waka nodded and wagged his finger in the classic, “no no no” gesture and said, “waka-waka!”
Mo-o ran to Kauhuhu who was eating a hot dog, ogling some wahines and paying no attention to the race whatsoever. “Mighty Kauhuhu!” He said.
Kauhuhu shushed his minion until he finished the dog.
Cut to commercial: Get the perspective! http://www.wix.com/illuminantphoto/illuminantperspectives Yes, Illuminant Perspectives. Fine photography for your walls and you mind. Owner operated. Buy some art and be illuminated!
“Our human is doing second best, see? We really have to help it.” Kauhuhu said, not looking at the race in favor of some hula dancers and a voluptuous shave ice vendor.
“Great One! Is there any circumstance under which we would cause harm to the vehicle of a Hammerhead?”
Kauhuhu, who liked a puzzle every now and again, and who was starting to go over to hula with the ladies, thought this out carefully and then replied, “Yes, if we needed to save that person's life.”
The swimmers, after a mile point two, exited the water at a trot. They had to cross the timing mats and run to the designated Mounting Area. Kaz Kaiser was on his composite, high tech, street mean bike seconds! whole seconds! before our hero, Guy Handsome. “Move it, move, move!” Joe shouted at his brother.
And off they all went.
Salt water was the next ploy! At each of the timing sections, Mo-o and Waka spiked the cup they thought Guy was must likely to drink with ocean water. Which might have worked if Joe wasn't at every station handing his brother a cup, only after sipping it for purity. (Have we mentioned, dear reader, that Joe Handsome is an actuarial?)
Neck and neck, or more accurately, tire and tire, Kaz and Guy jumped from their bikes at the dismount marker. Now was the time for the 13.1 mile run, and run they did. Pacing each other. Eying each other with an masculine intensity that allowed neither to see as caltrops were cast on the roadway, only to be blown aside by a stiff wind that blew by all the runners.
Footfall for footfall they neared the finish, there Guy threw his kick in. That last dreg of energy that he pulled up from deep in his soul. But envy and avarice were the fire in Kaz's pace...
They were across the finish line.
“Second!” Guy was told by his brother, and he was pleased by that and crest fallen at the same time... except...
“Third?” They heard Kaz ask, his voice winded, yet still managing to be petulant.
That was when Joe pointed to the man. “They say his name is Tony Stark, and he came in like bloody Mercury!” Joe added, “he was a late entry.”
Tony was mugging for the camera, and then said, “Liz? Right?” To the sultry photographer.
“Yes, Mr. Stark” Liz replied, suddenly finding herself dipped and kissed by the winner, who wasn't even winded.
Guy fell onto the grass and decided to hyperventilate for a while.
Kaz decided to go shark hunting the next day.
Pele and Kauhuhu decided to be big about it and were doing the bump together to the sound of the hula.
Liz decided that she had the best job in the world.
Tony decided he was God's Gift to it.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
17 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Ferris Dueler's Day Off
Bow wow...
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Chicka boom...
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser
Oh yeah....
Guy was laying in bed, looking out the window. He decided that he was going to take the day before the big race off.
Joe thought that was a less than optimal concept.
Kaz Kaiser, unaware of the sudden change in plans, was beginning a foul plot to stymie Guy's last day of training.
“Aw, lighten up, Joe!” Guy said, “sometimes you have to stop and smell the Pua Aloalo!” Then he sat in the back of his brother’s pedicab and made him drive them both to breakfast.
Kaz was certain that he had glimpsed the Handsomes out of the corner of his eye, and he jumped onto his training bicycle to catch them.
On any other day, it would have been no contest, but today was the day before the Iron Man, and there were street festivals and parades. Unless you really knew your way around, like say a pedicab operator would, especially one who was also an actuarial, then as happened to Kaz, you would get bogged down in traffic and the massing of humanity.
Time and again Kaz just missed finding and catching up to the brothers. He was getting more and more aggravated by the moment. Not by his inability to catch the brothers, as much as by the fact that whenever he asked for them, people tended to get besotted looks on their faces, and say what nice guys they were. Then chat him up with an amusing anecdote. It made him fume!
Meanwhile, at the Food and Culture Festival, Guy was strumming his ukulele and singing Danke Shoen to the lady at the Sausage and Mash booth. She had given he and his brother some free samples in hopes of getting “a ride later on” when she was “off duty.”
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by the state of Hawai'i, which was once an independent kingdom. (1810 – 1893.) The Yellow Hibiscus, or Pua Aloalo, is it's state flower.
Joe saved his brother from eating too much at the festival by pointing out that there was a Parade on Ala Moana Boulevard, and a hot dog eating contest that he wanted to enter later at Hank's Haute Dogs.
Meanwhile, Kaz made a tactical error and decided to sneak around the Handsome Brother's bungalow, where he ran afoul of one of the Madam's Soo, who (having a certain prowess in the martial arts) kicked him in the nose while the other Madam Soo called the police.
Kaz found himself waking up with two black eyes in the local pokey, where he was greeted with the smiling face of Brah of the Stink Eye Pali. “I don't suppose you have heard of Guy Handsome.” Kaiser asked with disdain.
“Guy? Yeah, great fella, can't hold his Vodka.” Brah said.
Kaz rolled his eyes and sank back down.
Joe won the Hot Dog eating contest, and didn't even bat an eye. Of course it was just a local competition... Still, he got to ride on a float in the parade afterward, and he and Guy did a kick-ass lip sync of Twist and Shout together, that made everyone (except Kaz, who was getting bailed out by the German embassy and his coach) well pleased.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Chicka boom...
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser
Oh yeah....
Guy was laying in bed, looking out the window. He decided that he was going to take the day before the big race off.
Joe thought that was a less than optimal concept.
Kaz Kaiser, unaware of the sudden change in plans, was beginning a foul plot to stymie Guy's last day of training.
“Aw, lighten up, Joe!” Guy said, “sometimes you have to stop and smell the Pua Aloalo!” Then he sat in the back of his brother’s pedicab and made him drive them both to breakfast.
Kaz was certain that he had glimpsed the Handsomes out of the corner of his eye, and he jumped onto his training bicycle to catch them.
On any other day, it would have been no contest, but today was the day before the Iron Man, and there were street festivals and parades. Unless you really knew your way around, like say a pedicab operator would, especially one who was also an actuarial, then as happened to Kaz, you would get bogged down in traffic and the massing of humanity.
Time and again Kaz just missed finding and catching up to the brothers. He was getting more and more aggravated by the moment. Not by his inability to catch the brothers, as much as by the fact that whenever he asked for them, people tended to get besotted looks on their faces, and say what nice guys they were. Then chat him up with an amusing anecdote. It made him fume!
Meanwhile, at the Food and Culture Festival, Guy was strumming his ukulele and singing Danke Shoen to the lady at the Sausage and Mash booth. She had given he and his brother some free samples in hopes of getting “a ride later on” when she was “off duty.”
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by the state of Hawai'i, which was once an independent kingdom. (1810 – 1893.) The Yellow Hibiscus, or Pua Aloalo, is it's state flower.
Joe saved his brother from eating too much at the festival by pointing out that there was a Parade on Ala Moana Boulevard, and a hot dog eating contest that he wanted to enter later at Hank's Haute Dogs.
Meanwhile, Kaz made a tactical error and decided to sneak around the Handsome Brother's bungalow, where he ran afoul of one of the Madam's Soo, who (having a certain prowess in the martial arts) kicked him in the nose while the other Madam Soo called the police.
Kaz found himself waking up with two black eyes in the local pokey, where he was greeted with the smiling face of Brah of the Stink Eye Pali. “I don't suppose you have heard of Guy Handsome.” Kaiser asked with disdain.
“Guy? Yeah, great fella, can't hold his Vodka.” Brah said.
Kaz rolled his eyes and sank back down.
Joe won the Hot Dog eating contest, and didn't even bat an eye. Of course it was just a local competition... Still, he got to ride on a float in the parade afterward, and he and Guy did a kick-ass lip sync of Twist and Shout together, that made everyone (except Kaz, who was getting bailed out by the German embassy and his coach) well pleased.
16 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Iron Man 3
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Stars: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Akebono as the Big Man.
The Big Man grabbed either Handsome brother with a huge and meaty paw. “Hey, I hear you are entering in the Iron Man.” He said, now eye to eye with them.
Joe pointed to Guy, “he is. I am da coach.”
“I am,” Guy said, “he is da coach,” pointing to Joe.
“You are strange little men,” The Big Man said. “What are you going to pedal? That?” He paused and pointed to the pedicab that Guy used. Then he snorted and carried the brothers behind his stand. “Here,” He put them down and handed Guy a magnesium framed bicycle, “I want you to ride this.”
Guy looked and was amazed. “That is a Fuji D-6 COMP!”
Joe said, “it's pink.”
“Fuchsia,” the Big Man said, “it was my daughter's. She is a Hammerhead.”
“Hammerhead?” Both Brothers asked in unison, of course.
He scratched his head, and nodded, “but she is about your size, so I figured since I got her a new one, you could use this one.”
“Oh, well, in that case, thank you, Big Man,” Guy was hugging the bike.
“Yeah, no problem,” The Big Man said, “just win.” Then he went back to his booth.
Joe watched his brother make-out with the bike and asked, “Hammerhead?” They shrugged at each other. The having of a real bike resolved a lot of issues.
Most of the competitors, like Kaz Kaiser had corporate sponsors who provided equipment, whereas Guy would be wearing what he always wore to run and swimming in a speedo. Still he wasn't worried, People had been swimming long before the advent of neoprene, and well.
Cut to Commercial: Tonight’s episode is brought to you by Ghost Story by Jim Butcher and by the Butcher Boards, a fan forum for nice people to be urbane in discussions about our favorite author and his works. http://www.jim-butcher.com/posts/2011/ghost-story-publication-date-bumped-to-july
Mo-o walked with dragging feet back to Kauhuhu's cave and said, “Waka and I waited all day at the course and we didn't see a single shirtless Handsome person.” Waka agreed with an effete gesture.
“Idiots!” Kaz Kaiser snapped at them, “you can't practice on the actual route, it is against the rules.”
Kauhuhu looked up from his pool table and said, “You've heard how nowadays, good help is hard to find? Good help has always been hard to find. Maybe you should go see what is up with that Handsome Guy, yourself.”
Kaz nodded, “I shall,” And he left the cave in a huff.
“Did he sign the contract?” Kauhuhu asked Waka.
Waka nodded and held up the carefully constructed document, indicating the signature line with a sweeping gesture which would make Vanna White proud.
The three looked at each other and rolled with laughter.
Guest Stars: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Akebono as the Big Man.
The Big Man grabbed either Handsome brother with a huge and meaty paw. “Hey, I hear you are entering in the Iron Man.” He said, now eye to eye with them.
Joe pointed to Guy, “he is. I am da coach.”
“I am,” Guy said, “he is da coach,” pointing to Joe.
“You are strange little men,” The Big Man said. “What are you going to pedal? That?” He paused and pointed to the pedicab that Guy used. Then he snorted and carried the brothers behind his stand. “Here,” He put them down and handed Guy a magnesium framed bicycle, “I want you to ride this.”
Guy looked and was amazed. “That is a Fuji D-6 COMP!”
Joe said, “it's pink.”
“Fuchsia,” the Big Man said, “it was my daughter's. She is a Hammerhead.”
“Hammerhead?” Both Brothers asked in unison, of course.
He scratched his head, and nodded, “but she is about your size, so I figured since I got her a new one, you could use this one.”
“Oh, well, in that case, thank you, Big Man,” Guy was hugging the bike.
“Yeah, no problem,” The Big Man said, “just win.” Then he went back to his booth.
Joe watched his brother make-out with the bike and asked, “Hammerhead?” They shrugged at each other. The having of a real bike resolved a lot of issues.
Most of the competitors, like Kaz Kaiser had corporate sponsors who provided equipment, whereas Guy would be wearing what he always wore to run and swimming in a speedo. Still he wasn't worried, People had been swimming long before the advent of neoprene, and well.
Cut to Commercial: Tonight’s episode is brought to you by Ghost Story by Jim Butcher and by the Butcher Boards, a fan forum for nice people to be urbane in discussions about our favorite author and his works. http://www.jim-butcher.com/posts/2011/ghost-story-publication-date-bumped-to-july
Mo-o walked with dragging feet back to Kauhuhu's cave and said, “Waka and I waited all day at the course and we didn't see a single shirtless Handsome person.” Waka agreed with an effete gesture.
“Idiots!” Kaz Kaiser snapped at them, “you can't practice on the actual route, it is against the rules.”
Kauhuhu looked up from his pool table and said, “You've heard how nowadays, good help is hard to find? Good help has always been hard to find. Maybe you should go see what is up with that Handsome Guy, yourself.”
Kaz nodded, “I shall,” And he left the cave in a huff.
“Did he sign the contract?” Kauhuhu asked Waka.
Waka nodded and held up the carefully constructed document, indicating the signature line with a sweeping gesture which would make Vanna White proud.
The three looked at each other and rolled with laughter.
08 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Iron Man 2
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
“I've been through all the statistics and unless you really screw up?” Joe said. He was pedaling next to his brother, who was running, not the exact Iron Man course, but a course that was 98.4% similar, since running the actual course would get one banned from competition.
“Unless I really screw up?” Guy asked, not breaking his rhythm.
“Your only real challenge is going to come from some Kaz Kaiser fellow,” Joe concluded.
“Kaz Kaiser? What a really cool name. So what do we know about Kaz Kaiser?” Guy asked, not breaking his rhythm. Guy really loved to run, almost as much as he loved to swim. It showed on his face .
Joe found it very annoying that Guy loved everything so much. Joe loved lots of things, but not everything. He almost said something, like: Loving everything is like loving nothing, but Guy would have replied that he loved that quote. Instead, he quoted the statistics and times for Kaz Kaiser in other Iron Man competitions.
Guy listened politely, because his brother was an actuarial and all. He deeply appreciated that he had taken the time to find all that out, too, but it didn't help. “No, no, no, while those are great for statistical information, they don't tell me much about Kaz Kaiser! Like, well, what would he want for Christmas?”
“Oh,” Joe said, thinking that was one of the most idiotic for instances that his brother had come out with in a long, long time. At least, he thought that until he realized that he knew the answer. No question is idiotic when you know the answer. “He would want to win.”
“Gee,” Guy said, not breaking his rhythm, “good thing it isn't Christmas.”
“Good thing.” Joe agreed. “What do you want for Christmas?” He asked as a logical follow up.
Cut to Commercial: Monty Python's Not the Messiah; You can rent it on Netflix! http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Not_the_Messiah/70135966?strackid=179f2f6dcad46dc2_0#height1453
Guy imagined his brother on a stodgy podium with stodgy actuarialists giving him a stodgy award. “A pony,” He stated, not breaking his stride.
Joe snorted. Guy had asked for this pony every year as long as he could remember. “You do understand that we can't afford, nor do we have room for a pony,” He reminded his brother. This had been his parents' standard reply.
“I guess,” Guy said, “that gives you something to ask for, for Christmas.”
“I am not writing to Santa and asking for fabulous wealth just so that I can support my brother's pony monkey.” Joe was adamant regarding this matter. Notwithstanding the fact that he had, at the age of ten, actually written to Santa stating that he would waive all rights to presents that year if that would help Santa bring Guy his pony. Of course even at that tender age, Joe had thought to add, in the case of Guy not being pony eligible, his wish list. Mrs. Handsome had raised no fools...
Unless you took into account that both her sons were cursed by Pele and living shirtless in Hawaii.
Author's note: I am on the road, which is why my posts are sporadic. Some hotels do not provide free wifi! How outrageous!
“I've been through all the statistics and unless you really screw up?” Joe said. He was pedaling next to his brother, who was running, not the exact Iron Man course, but a course that was 98.4% similar, since running the actual course would get one banned from competition.
“Unless I really screw up?” Guy asked, not breaking his rhythm.
“Your only real challenge is going to come from some Kaz Kaiser fellow,” Joe concluded.
“Kaz Kaiser? What a really cool name. So what do we know about Kaz Kaiser?” Guy asked, not breaking his rhythm. Guy really loved to run, almost as much as he loved to swim. It showed on his face .
Joe found it very annoying that Guy loved everything so much. Joe loved lots of things, but not everything. He almost said something, like: Loving everything is like loving nothing, but Guy would have replied that he loved that quote. Instead, he quoted the statistics and times for Kaz Kaiser in other Iron Man competitions.
Guy listened politely, because his brother was an actuarial and all. He deeply appreciated that he had taken the time to find all that out, too, but it didn't help. “No, no, no, while those are great for statistical information, they don't tell me much about Kaz Kaiser! Like, well, what would he want for Christmas?”
“Oh,” Joe said, thinking that was one of the most idiotic for instances that his brother had come out with in a long, long time. At least, he thought that until he realized that he knew the answer. No question is idiotic when you know the answer. “He would want to win.”
“Gee,” Guy said, not breaking his rhythm, “good thing it isn't Christmas.”
“Good thing.” Joe agreed. “What do you want for Christmas?” He asked as a logical follow up.
Cut to Commercial: Monty Python's Not the Messiah; You can rent it on Netflix! http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Not_the_Messiah/70135966?strackid=179f2f6dcad46dc2_0#height1453
Guy imagined his brother on a stodgy podium with stodgy actuarialists giving him a stodgy award. “A pony,” He stated, not breaking his stride.
Joe snorted. Guy had asked for this pony every year as long as he could remember. “You do understand that we can't afford, nor do we have room for a pony,” He reminded his brother. This had been his parents' standard reply.
“I guess,” Guy said, “that gives you something to ask for, for Christmas.”
“I am not writing to Santa and asking for fabulous wealth just so that I can support my brother's pony monkey.” Joe was adamant regarding this matter. Notwithstanding the fact that he had, at the age of ten, actually written to Santa stating that he would waive all rights to presents that year if that would help Santa bring Guy his pony. Of course even at that tender age, Joe had thought to add, in the case of Guy not being pony eligible, his wish list. Mrs. Handsome had raised no fools...
Unless you took into account that both her sons were cursed by Pele and living shirtless in Hawaii.
Author's note: I am on the road, which is why my posts are sporadic. Some hotels do not provide free wifi! How outrageous!
05 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Iron Man
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Pele was decked out as the cheerleader of the lava! She even had glowing red pompoms, (which her husband would find amusing later on...) she was excited because Guy Handsome had ponied up enough tips to enter the Iron Man competition. When he won, it would bring her much ju-ju!
But there were jealous eyes studying the Handsome brothers. Kaz Kaiser, a German ex-patriot who had time and again been defeated on the beach by the pair whom he thought of as the Hapless Brothers. They had rented that bungalow from the Soo widows right from under his nose, and they had such a niceness about them it made him want to hurl.
So, when he knew he was up against Guy Handsome in the Iron Man, he decided to get a little extra help. To that end he sought out every shaman on the Big Island, and then after each had told him how to get to Carnegie Hall... he went to Molakai, and sought the cave of the Shark god!
“Look,” said Mo-o, one of Kauhuhu's cave guards and back up singers, “take out!”
“Waka-waka!” Said Waka, the other of Kauhuhu's cave guardians and harmonist. He readied his boutonniere of death.
Kaz Kaiser was no fool, he came armed with a harpoon gun and a six pack of Heineken. “We can do this one of two ways!” He shouted down to the cave, “you can let me see your Master, the great Kauhuhu, and get some brewskis or I can shoot you and feed you to the Kauhuhu when gets home.”
Mo-o, who had no boutonniere of death, suggested, “let's chat over the beer, and then we can make an informed decision!”
Cut to Commercial: Are you reading Denwatch? It is my son’s blog! You should so totally go read it. Not immediately, of course, after you finish this episode though. Leave it open in a new tab, http://stpdenwatch.blogspot.com/ that way you won’t forget about it.
The Great Kauhuhu, who once upon a time traveled only in Shark Form had, ever since a bad experience with the Kratt Brother, and some severe disinformation in Finding Nemo, taken to traveling by jet ski and wearing a faux Shark Skin Suit. “Damn PETA people!” He shouted, mopping at ketchup.
“Waka-waka.” Waka agreed and squirted the boutonniere of death at imaginary PETA people.
Kauhuhu sniffed the air. “Well,” he shouted, as he was prone to speaking loudly when he was above water, “either there is some sort of tasty offering here or two cave guardians are about to be on unemployment.”
“Orrrrr...” Mo-o said, “you might get a little Heinie and some vengeance on that Pele biotch!”
“Don't get me started on the havok she's causing with the Greenland relations.” Kauhuhu seized Waka and shook him violently. “They can't sleep! They're Sleeping Sharks and they can't sleep!”
“Waka!” Said Waka as he sailed past Mo-o, who ducked.
Kaz stood forward and said, “I will reap your vengeance for you Lord Kauhuhu. Can you help me defeat Guy Handsome in the upcoming Iron Man?”
“Ooooh,” Kauhuhu grinned with a saw toothed smile, “yes, I do like that idea. They fooled one of my Great White hopes into swallowing a Nerf football. Let's plot!”
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Pele was decked out as the cheerleader of the lava! She even had glowing red pompoms, (which her husband would find amusing later on...) she was excited because Guy Handsome had ponied up enough tips to enter the Iron Man competition. When he won, it would bring her much ju-ju!
But there were jealous eyes studying the Handsome brothers. Kaz Kaiser, a German ex-patriot who had time and again been defeated on the beach by the pair whom he thought of as the Hapless Brothers. They had rented that bungalow from the Soo widows right from under his nose, and they had such a niceness about them it made him want to hurl.
So, when he knew he was up against Guy Handsome in the Iron Man, he decided to get a little extra help. To that end he sought out every shaman on the Big Island, and then after each had told him how to get to Carnegie Hall... he went to Molakai, and sought the cave of the Shark god!
“Look,” said Mo-o, one of Kauhuhu's cave guards and back up singers, “take out!”
“Waka-waka!” Said Waka, the other of Kauhuhu's cave guardians and harmonist. He readied his boutonniere of death.
Kaz Kaiser was no fool, he came armed with a harpoon gun and a six pack of Heineken. “We can do this one of two ways!” He shouted down to the cave, “you can let me see your Master, the great Kauhuhu, and get some brewskis or I can shoot you and feed you to the Kauhuhu when gets home.”
Mo-o, who had no boutonniere of death, suggested, “let's chat over the beer, and then we can make an informed decision!”
Cut to Commercial: Are you reading Denwatch? It is my son’s blog! You should so totally go read it. Not immediately, of course, after you finish this episode though. Leave it open in a new tab, http://stpdenwatch.blogspot.com/ that way you won’t forget about it.
The Great Kauhuhu, who once upon a time traveled only in Shark Form had, ever since a bad experience with the Kratt Brother, and some severe disinformation in Finding Nemo, taken to traveling by jet ski and wearing a faux Shark Skin Suit. “Damn PETA people!” He shouted, mopping at ketchup.
“Waka-waka.” Waka agreed and squirted the boutonniere of death at imaginary PETA people.
Kauhuhu sniffed the air. “Well,” he shouted, as he was prone to speaking loudly when he was above water, “either there is some sort of tasty offering here or two cave guardians are about to be on unemployment.”
“Orrrrr...” Mo-o said, “you might get a little Heinie and some vengeance on that Pele biotch!”
“Don't get me started on the havok she's causing with the Greenland relations.” Kauhuhu seized Waka and shook him violently. “They can't sleep! They're Sleeping Sharks and they can't sleep!”
“Waka!” Said Waka as he sailed past Mo-o, who ducked.
Kaz stood forward and said, “I will reap your vengeance for you Lord Kauhuhu. Can you help me defeat Guy Handsome in the upcoming Iron Man?”
“Ooooh,” Kauhuhu grinned with a saw toothed smile, “yes, I do like that idea. They fooled one of my Great White hopes into swallowing a Nerf football. Let's plot!”
04 April, 2011
Tonight's episode: Odd Job
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Charo as Pilar Esperades
If Guy had had a tail, it would have been tucked between his legs. Not only did he have an outrageous hangover (as a gym teacher, he could count the number of times he had been so drunk on one finger) he was out his $100, and his brother was very clear on which finger her should be counting his hangover upon. His guilt weighed heavily upon him.
Joe couldn't remember the last time he and his brother had been so much at odds, but he was furious. It wasn't the money so much as the outrageous risk of entering into a punching contest with a whole gang of bikers. Didn't he understand what the odds of being really injured by doing such things were? More over, Joe thought that maybe it was his fault for being so hard line about their budget. After all, he had actually been on a date whereas Guy had not.
Things might have been grim, if it wasn't for the person who came onto their lanai at that very moment.
“Ooo, eeth thomebody chat jome?” A woman called. “Jai ham looking por thome jamtheome brotherth!” She sang out, “The oneth who do not eber wear chirtth!”
Before either of the brothers could move to answer the door, she burst into the room, a froth of hair and ruffles, and looking like the world spokeswoman for boobquake. “Choo jar tho jamthome!” She exclaimed, “in jour chortth and chour no chirtth!”
Guy and Joe stood frozen as she danced an admiring figure eight around them. Several times when either brother tried to speak, to ask what she wanted she beat them out, her words flowing a mile a minute and flowing into each other. “Jai jam looking por thomeone, no two thomeoneth to do por me theberal hodd yobs!” She declared at length. “Can jou do hodd yobs? Of courthe jou can jou jar thutch beeg thtrong men!!” She went over to their white board and wrote down her address and then added, “Jai jam Doña Pilar Ethperadeth, and Jai will meechu chat my jome.” Then with a shimmy and a wave she disappeared the way she came, leaving two speechless brothers in her wake.
Cut to commercial: Visit Serynzia: Fabulous artistry by a fabulous woman! http://serynzia.deviantart.com/
“Did you understand anything that lady just said?” Joe asked his brother.
“She has yard jobs?” Guy asked. “Or maybe hard jobs?”
Then the brothers looked at each other and began to laugh. That made everything all better.
Soon they were at the home of Doña Pilar Esperades and found out that they had Odd jobs, some of which were yard jobs, and some of which were hard jobs, but the worst of all was when Doña Pilar came over to them and said: “jou jab to come and pluck my babieth jearth.”
She pointed to two dogs which she explained, “thethe har my babieth Cuchi-cuchi and Pom-pomeranian who jab a jorrible problem with the jear wakth and jou muthst uthe jour eyeth and nothe to perform an ear inthpection. Jou look por any redneth, wakth jor anything poreign in the ear canal. Then jou mutht take the tweetherth and jou pluck pluck pluck the jairs from the inthide ob the jear!”
Guy put his hand up to his shield mouth and said out of the side of it to Joe, “I think she wants us to remove the poodles' brains.”
More pragmatic, Joe checked on his phone's internet app, “P-o-o-d-l-e-s j-e-a-r w-a-k-s,” and in that way, they knew just what to do.
Doña Pilar and her poodles were so happy that she fed them both dinner, and she played some classic Spanish guitar for them, too.
Guest Star: Charo as Pilar Esperades
If Guy had had a tail, it would have been tucked between his legs. Not only did he have an outrageous hangover (as a gym teacher, he could count the number of times he had been so drunk on one finger) he was out his $100, and his brother was very clear on which finger her should be counting his hangover upon. His guilt weighed heavily upon him.
Joe couldn't remember the last time he and his brother had been so much at odds, but he was furious. It wasn't the money so much as the outrageous risk of entering into a punching contest with a whole gang of bikers. Didn't he understand what the odds of being really injured by doing such things were? More over, Joe thought that maybe it was his fault for being so hard line about their budget. After all, he had actually been on a date whereas Guy had not.
Things might have been grim, if it wasn't for the person who came onto their lanai at that very moment.
“Ooo, eeth thomebody chat jome?” A woman called. “Jai ham looking por thome jamtheome brotherth!” She sang out, “The oneth who do not eber wear chirtth!”
Before either of the brothers could move to answer the door, she burst into the room, a froth of hair and ruffles, and looking like the world spokeswoman for boobquake. “Choo jar tho jamthome!” She exclaimed, “in jour chortth and chour no chirtth!”
Guy and Joe stood frozen as she danced an admiring figure eight around them. Several times when either brother tried to speak, to ask what she wanted she beat them out, her words flowing a mile a minute and flowing into each other. “Jai jam looking por thomeone, no two thomeoneth to do por me theberal hodd yobs!” She declared at length. “Can jou do hodd yobs? Of courthe jou can jou jar thutch beeg thtrong men!!” She went over to their white board and wrote down her address and then added, “Jai jam Doña Pilar Ethperadeth, and Jai will meechu chat my jome.” Then with a shimmy and a wave she disappeared the way she came, leaving two speechless brothers in her wake.
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“Did you understand anything that lady just said?” Joe asked his brother.
“She has yard jobs?” Guy asked. “Or maybe hard jobs?”
Then the brothers looked at each other and began to laugh. That made everything all better.
Soon they were at the home of Doña Pilar Esperades and found out that they had Odd jobs, some of which were yard jobs, and some of which were hard jobs, but the worst of all was when Doña Pilar came over to them and said: “jou jab to come and pluck my babieth jearth.”
She pointed to two dogs which she explained, “thethe har my babieth Cuchi-cuchi and Pom-pomeranian who jab a jorrible problem with the jear wakth and jou muthst uthe jour eyeth and nothe to perform an ear inthpection. Jou look por any redneth, wakth jor anything poreign in the ear canal. Then jou mutht take the tweetherth and jou pluck pluck pluck the jairs from the inthide ob the jear!”
Guy put his hand up to his shield mouth and said out of the side of it to Joe, “I think she wants us to remove the poodles' brains.”
More pragmatic, Joe checked on his phone's internet app, “P-o-o-d-l-e-s j-e-a-r w-a-k-s,” and in that way, they knew just what to do.
Doña Pilar and her poodles were so happy that she fed them both dinner, and she played some classic Spanish guitar for them, too.
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