Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Charo as Pilar Esperades
If Guy had had a tail, it would have been tucked between his legs. Not only did he have an outrageous hangover (as a gym teacher, he could count the number of times he had been so drunk on one finger) he was out his $100, and his brother was very clear on which finger her should be counting his hangover upon. His guilt weighed heavily upon him.
Joe couldn't remember the last time he and his brother had been so much at odds, but he was furious. It wasn't the money so much as the outrageous risk of entering into a punching contest with a whole gang of bikers. Didn't he understand what the odds of being really injured by doing such things were? More over, Joe thought that maybe it was his fault for being so hard line about their budget. After all, he had actually been on a date whereas Guy had not.
Things might have been grim, if it wasn't for the person who came onto their lanai at that very moment.
“Ooo, eeth thomebody chat jome?” A woman called. “Jai ham looking por thome jamtheome brotherth!” She sang out, “The oneth who do not eber wear chirtth!”
Before either of the brothers could move to answer the door, she burst into the room, a froth of hair and ruffles, and looking like the world spokeswoman for boobquake. “Choo jar tho jamthome!” She exclaimed, “in jour chortth and chour no chirtth!”
Guy and Joe stood frozen as she danced an admiring figure eight around them. Several times when either brother tried to speak, to ask what she wanted she beat them out, her words flowing a mile a minute and flowing into each other. “Jai jam looking por thomeone, no two thomeoneth to do por me theberal hodd yobs!” She declared at length. “Can jou do hodd yobs? Of courthe jou can jou jar thutch beeg thtrong men!!” She went over to their white board and wrote down her address and then added, “Jai jam Doña Pilar Ethperadeth, and Jai will meechu chat my jome.” Then with a shimmy and a wave she disappeared the way she came, leaving two speechless brothers in her wake.
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“Did you understand anything that lady just said?” Joe asked his brother.
“She has yard jobs?” Guy asked. “Or maybe hard jobs?”
Then the brothers looked at each other and began to laugh. That made everything all better.
Soon they were at the home of Doña Pilar Esperades and found out that they had Odd jobs, some of which were yard jobs, and some of which were hard jobs, but the worst of all was when Doña Pilar came over to them and said: “jou jab to come and pluck my babieth jearth.”
She pointed to two dogs which she explained, “thethe har my babieth Cuchi-cuchi and Pom-pomeranian who jab a jorrible problem with the jear wakth and jou muthst uthe jour eyeth and nothe to perform an ear inthpection. Jou look por any redneth, wakth jor anything poreign in the ear canal. Then jou mutht take the tweetherth and jou pluck pluck pluck the jairs from the inthide ob the jear!”
Guy put his hand up to his shield mouth and said out of the side of it to Joe, “I think she wants us to remove the poodles' brains.”
More pragmatic, Joe checked on his phone's internet app, “P-o-o-d-l-e-s j-e-a-r w-a-k-s,” and in that way, they knew just what to do.
Doña Pilar and her poodles were so happy that she fed them both dinner, and she played some classic Spanish guitar for them, too.
