Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele. Guest starring: Bill Nye.
The Handsome brothers were sitting in beach chairs, the kind that don't stick to your back if you don't have a shirt on. They were also sitting in the shade. Joe had his lap top on his lap. Guy had his cell phone and a flier from the local pharmacy on his lap. They were wearing bathing suits that looked as if they had chased down some serious skate borders, knocked them over and run off with their shorts.
Pele came walking down the beach in a french cut bikini and paused to look at Pale and Paler, then sighed. She had been cursing tourists ever since that horrid man Cook had shown up, and she still always forgot something. This time it was speedos. She hoped that the female audience could forgive her.
Joe said to his brother, wondering if he was even awake behind his sunglasses, “sunblock.”
Guy, who was always awake, but sometimes pretended to be asleep so he could vex his brother replied, “why not sunscreen?”
Pele waved smiled all her teeth and sank into the sand in a spectacular special effect that took up most of the shows budget. But when she was gone, Bill Nye stood in her place.
Cut to commercial: Tonight episode is brought to you people who think that Pluto should still be a planet. This is mostly your parents, and anyone else who is currently domed to blurt out the word NINE during trivia contests for the rest of their lives. Oh, and also by hundreds and hundreds of purchasers for school systems who don't want to shell out the big bucks for those new solar system models and posters. (“Tell 'em to just cut a hole in that poster, and say moths got to it.”)
Bill Nye was in his lab coat. This, plus suddenly appearing in Hawaii, made him suspect that he was dreaming. But he liked to be useful even in his dreams, and a magma red beach chair and what looked like a mai tai had appeared near the brothers, so he walked over ad took a seat, and a sip.
“Sun screen,” he said, “contains chemicals that protect your skin by absorbing and reflecting UV rays. It helps protect against UVA rays as well as UVB. So, you get a bit more protection. Sun screen does a great job of protecting the skin against sunburns!”
Both brothers sat bolt upright. They simultaneously lowered their sun glasses, so that they could peer over the top rim and they each raised an eyebrow, then looked at each other as if to say: Do you see him, too?
Bill Nye smiled and waved at the two. “Sun block,” he continued, “contains physical or inorganic ingredients that reflect and scatter the UVB light. It acts as a wall between your skin and the sun. While sunblocks do not protect against UVA rays, they may be a better choice for you if you have sensitive skin since titanium dioxide and zinc oxide are less irritating than Parsol 1789 found in sunscreen.”
Guy Handsome looked at his brother and mouthed the words: “It's Bill Nye.”
Joe Handsome looked at his brother and mouthed the reply, “No DUH!”
Bill wondered if he could get another mai tai in this dream and continued: “most brands of lotion are a combination of both sunblock and sunscreen and the important part, no matter what brand you choose to use, is that you do use it, all the time.
“Another important factor is SPF, or Sun Protection Factor. SPF 15 blocks about 93% of UVB rays, SPF 30 blocks about 97% and SPF 50 blocks about 99%. As long as the SPF is between 15 and 60, and you reapply regularly... you should be okay.”
Joe leaned forward to poke Bill Nye in the shoulder with a finger. When he did, Bill Nye disappeared.
That made Guy give his brother an accusatory look.
Bill Nye reappeared in his own home, and would have believed that he had only dreamed his guest spot. Except for the tiny magma colored paper umbrella in his hand.
Stay tuned for our next episode: “Hawaiian Eye Candy”
