Tonight's Episode: Trouble

 Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.

Guest Star:  Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI

“Get a grip, gentlemen,”  Nebuchadnezzar growled softly.  “We're in public.”

Guy looked at him and wanted to explain to him that the juxtaposition of the woman being named Honey and calling them Big Jim and the Twins was one of the funniest things, ever.  But then he remembered that not everyone was a grade school gym teacher, and some people were jaded by life.  This fellow was jaded.  Harder, maybe, than diamonds.

Instead he said, “I can't help but notice that you are wearing an unbuttoned silk shirt.”

Joe's eyes bugged slightly.  He hadn't noticed.  Or maybe he had noticed but not realized what he had noticed.  “The Big Man said that you were the person to come to if we needed help.”

“Did he?”

Honey brought the beer and set the bottles down, and Joe paid her, and gave her a good tip, right up front.  He had a stringent moral code regarding servers, and  how they should be treated.

“Yes, he said: If you can't find the A-Team, then you need Nebuchadnezzar, PI.”  Guy stated it flat out.
That made Nebuchadnezzar laugh.  He had a goodly laugh, even though he didn't get the sort of mileage on it he’d used to.  He drew deep on his beer and mashed his chin contemplatively, “I think I have more staying power,” he replied, deadpan. Then he asked, “so what is the nature of your emergency?”

“It isn't an emergency, yet,”  Joe explained,  “It is a potential problem, a problem with getting off the Island.”  His words dropped into a hush.

Cut to commercial:  Tonight's episode is brought to you by NSFW.  Which does not mean North South Freaking West, no matter what your kids tell you!

“You're making a break for it?”  Nebuchadnezzar queried, amused.

“Yes, and no,”  Guy told him, “Joe has an important function to attend to in Chicago.”

“And you need a plane?” The Craggy Man supposed.

“We have a flight out,”  Joe was pleased to admit.  “We need to make certain that she,”  he paused for dramatic effect, “that she doesn't notice until it is too late for her to do anything about it.”

“So,” he said drifting forward and a little to the left and folding his arms, “you want me to fool a goddess?” Nebuchadnezzar cocked his head, “is that all?”

“Yessir.”  Guy nodded.  “We need to have a safe take off, and get clear.  The Big Man said, if anyone can do it, Nebuchadnezzar can.”

Now the man's enormous even white teeth broke through in a real smile.  They were a sharp contrast to his sun darkened skin, and even more so to the big bushy mustache, and the smile almost created lumens enough to outshine the candle.  “Could be...  fun,” he admitted.  “Could be lots of trouble, too.  And you fellows don't have a dime, do you?”

“We...  have some money, not a lot,”  Guy was up front about this.  “Most of our assets are in Chicago.”

“Would you take PayPal?”  Joe asked.

Our next episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot.