Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Get a grip, gentlemen,” Nebuchadnezzar growled softly. “We're in public.”
Guy looked at him and wanted to explain to him that the juxtaposition of the woman being named Honey and calling them Big Jim and the Twins was one of the funniest things, ever. But then he remembered that not everyone was a grade school gym teacher, and some people were jaded by life. This fellow was jaded. Harder, maybe, than diamonds.
Instead he said, “I can't help but notice that you are wearing an unbuttoned silk shirt.”
Joe's eyes bugged slightly. He hadn't noticed. Or maybe he had noticed but not realized what he had noticed. “The Big Man said that you were the person to come to if we needed help.”
“Did he?”
Honey brought the beer and set the bottles down, and Joe paid her, and gave her a good tip, right up front. He had a stringent moral code regarding servers, and how they should be treated.
“Yes, he said: If you can't find the A-Team, then you need Nebuchadnezzar, PI.” Guy stated it flat out.
That made Nebuchadnezzar laugh. He had a goodly laugh, even though he didn't get the sort of mileage on it he’d used to. He drew deep on his beer and mashed his chin contemplatively, “I think I have more staying power,” he replied, deadpan. Then he asked, “so what is the nature of your emergency?”
“It isn't an emergency, yet,” Joe explained, “It is a potential problem, a problem with getting off the Island.” His words dropped into a hush.
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by NSFW. Which does not mean North South Freaking West, no matter what your kids tell you!
“You're making a break for it?” Nebuchadnezzar queried, amused.
“Yes, and no,” Guy told him, “Joe has an important function to attend to in Chicago.”
“And you need a plane?” The Craggy Man supposed.
“We have a flight out,” Joe was pleased to admit. “We need to make certain that she,” he paused for dramatic effect, “that she doesn't notice until it is too late for her to do anything about it.”
“So,” he said drifting forward and a little to the left and folding his arms, “you want me to fool a goddess?” Nebuchadnezzar cocked his head, “is that all?”
“Yessir.” Guy nodded. “We need to have a safe take off, and get clear. The Big Man said, if anyone can do it, Nebuchadnezzar can.”
Now the man's enormous even white teeth broke through in a real smile. They were a sharp contrast to his sun darkened skin, and even more so to the big bushy mustache, and the smile almost created lumens enough to outshine the candle. “Could be... fun,” he admitted. “Could be lots of trouble, too. And you fellows don't have a dime, do you?”
“We... have some money, not a lot,” Guy was up front about this. “Most of our assets are in Chicago.”
“Would you take PayPal?” Joe asked.
Our next episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot.
02 August, 2011
30 July, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Plot Complications
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
Blick's Cafe Novocaine promised that when you left, you would be feeling no pain. It was one of those places that looked like a disreputable hole in the wall from the outside, and was worse once you entered. A den of iniquity.
How bad was it? You might well ask. Aside from the fact that they admitted people who were inappropriately attired (and I am not speaking of polka dot shirts and plaid shorts, although there was a fellow wearing Birkenstock knock-offs and black socks, with that horrendous combination,) they chose their brand of beer based upon which bottles were the hardest to shatter, just to cut down on the amount of glass they had to dig out of injuries.
At the very moment that the Handsome brothers happened to enter the bar, the Cantina music from Star Wars started up on the juke box, http://www.thesoundarchive.com/play-wav-files.asp?sound=starwars/Cantina1.mid which added a new dimension to an already surreal experience.
Then they saw... him. Craggy, mustachioed visage, with a slouch that indicated a devil may care attitude, and eyes shaded by heavy, albeit not quite menacing brows. He wore a silk floral shirt, unbuttoned, with a pukka shell necklace that caught the small amount of light thrown by the inappropriate yellow glass candle on the table. White plastic mesh that looked like a refugee from the produce department of the Piggly-Wiggly decorated the glass of the candle holder. He caught their entrance and leaned back in his booth, one arm raised slightly above his head, and the other hidden beneath the table. “You boys the Handsome brothers?” He asked. His voice as graveled as his visage was craggy. “Of course you are.” He said, his mustache twitching in something that might have been a controlled burst smile. “Sit. Beer?” He held forth a Coots bottle. It was an empty Coots bottle, and he had been scratching at the label, but despite that the word Coots was still visible.
Joe scootched into the booth first. He was not at all certain about meeting this person. The only thing worse would have been if he happened to have an eye-patch, which – thankfully – he did not.
Guy sat next to his brother and said, “that's a joke right? Coots?”
Cut to commercial: Ghost Story, the most recent addition to the Dresden Files novels by Jim Butcher. Buy it, read it, thank me later!
“Never kid a man about his beer.” The man said. Like everything he said it came out an admixture of laconic and axiom. They had the distinct impression that, had there been a spittoon, the man would have made use of it for punctuation.
“Sure, a beer would be nice,” Joe replied politely. Courtesy was a useful tool for times when you were in an awkward social situation. He decided that he would probably rate this among his top three awkward social situations. Number one was the time he woke up in the fountain on campus dressed as Dr. Frankenfuter. Number two was the time his mother had set him up on a blind date with a female contortionist who only spoke a rudimentary Engrish, and his misinterpretation of the phrase: “wordo you riku foruk?” (As opposed, he later found out, to chopsticks. He would have otherwise gladly eaten with chopsticks.) And now, this was his number three. So far.
“Good.” The man said and he beckoned to a waitress who could have given an ugly stepsister a run for her money. “Three, Honey.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Honey replied. “Big Jim and the Twins.” She winked a heavily false eye-lashed lid at them.
Guy couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped him at her observation. He looked at his brother, which proved a mistake, as that set Joe off as well.
For his part, the Craggy Man rolled his eyes. These were good eggs. And good eggs always meant only one thing: Trouble.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
Blick's Cafe Novocaine promised that when you left, you would be feeling no pain. It was one of those places that looked like a disreputable hole in the wall from the outside, and was worse once you entered. A den of iniquity.
How bad was it? You might well ask. Aside from the fact that they admitted people who were inappropriately attired (and I am not speaking of polka dot shirts and plaid shorts, although there was a fellow wearing Birkenstock knock-offs and black socks, with that horrendous combination,) they chose their brand of beer based upon which bottles were the hardest to shatter, just to cut down on the amount of glass they had to dig out of injuries.
At the very moment that the Handsome brothers happened to enter the bar, the Cantina music from Star Wars started up on the juke box, http://www.thesoundarchive.com/play-wav-files.asp?sound=starwars/Cantina1.mid which added a new dimension to an already surreal experience.
Then they saw... him. Craggy, mustachioed visage, with a slouch that indicated a devil may care attitude, and eyes shaded by heavy, albeit not quite menacing brows. He wore a silk floral shirt, unbuttoned, with a pukka shell necklace that caught the small amount of light thrown by the inappropriate yellow glass candle on the table. White plastic mesh that looked like a refugee from the produce department of the Piggly-Wiggly decorated the glass of the candle holder. He caught their entrance and leaned back in his booth, one arm raised slightly above his head, and the other hidden beneath the table. “You boys the Handsome brothers?” He asked. His voice as graveled as his visage was craggy. “Of course you are.” He said, his mustache twitching in something that might have been a controlled burst smile. “Sit. Beer?” He held forth a Coots bottle. It was an empty Coots bottle, and he had been scratching at the label, but despite that the word Coots was still visible.
Joe scootched into the booth first. He was not at all certain about meeting this person. The only thing worse would have been if he happened to have an eye-patch, which – thankfully – he did not.
Guy sat next to his brother and said, “that's a joke right? Coots?”
Cut to commercial: Ghost Story, the most recent addition to the Dresden Files novels by Jim Butcher. Buy it, read it, thank me later!
“Never kid a man about his beer.” The man said. Like everything he said it came out an admixture of laconic and axiom. They had the distinct impression that, had there been a spittoon, the man would have made use of it for punctuation.
“Sure, a beer would be nice,” Joe replied politely. Courtesy was a useful tool for times when you were in an awkward social situation. He decided that he would probably rate this among his top three awkward social situations. Number one was the time he woke up in the fountain on campus dressed as Dr. Frankenfuter. Number two was the time his mother had set him up on a blind date with a female contortionist who only spoke a rudimentary Engrish, and his misinterpretation of the phrase: “wordo you riku foruk?” (As opposed, he later found out, to chopsticks. He would have otherwise gladly eaten with chopsticks.) And now, this was his number three. So far.
“Good.” The man said and he beckoned to a waitress who could have given an ugly stepsister a run for her money. “Three, Honey.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Honey replied. “Big Jim and the Twins.” She winked a heavily false eye-lashed lid at them.
Guy couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped him at her observation. He looked at his brother, which proved a mistake, as that set Joe off as well.
For his part, the Craggy Man rolled his eyes. These were good eggs. And good eggs always meant only one thing: Trouble.
05 July, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Subterfuge
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
In fact, Pele was watching the brothers more closely. Not because of the reasons Joe was entertaining, but because their approach to life amused her.
Certainly as a child you watched the comings and goings of some lesser beings? Ants, perhaps. For Pele, whose life moved at geologic speeds, the daily doings and the thoughts and rushing to and fro of the people who lived upon her sloping shoulders held that same fascination. Especially when they looked like Guy and Joe Handsome, and had no shirts on.
Now, some of you, dear readers, have wondered why the brothers were not made to be bereft of pants, as well. As an ancient goddess, Pele simply was not impressed by a man's least impressive parts. (She tended to view things from the ground point of view.)
Still others of you have wondered about the lack of shirtless women, and I can only address that by saying that you need to write your own stories.
Guy, scowled at the author and rattled his newspaper so that things could move along, as they were almost to the commercial and he had not yet had any lines.
“I've been concerned,” Both brothers said to each other at the same time. Then they both paused politely to allow the other one to go first.
“You,” They both said at the same time.
“No, you,” The both said at the same time.
There followed a pause. Then Guy said, “we need subterfuge, in case we are being overheard.”
Joe could not have agreed more. “Yes.”
Cut to commercial: Ciphers can be so much fun, here is the dancing men cipher. https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuUb95QqFsLByMccvipLlAPlgasWqIOpDveEjtWj0QZELX9ftIwZhfq4LIndgf1UPUpAb2NYrlgknfskSJl5a1AvZPWQ4lXUMk6hWZIF8BkQqMTRDyuut3cUKysGVmiK4VONf_2nMAe_35/s320/encrypt04.jpg
29 June, 2011
Tonight's Episode: I'll Fly Away.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
“Soon,” Guy said pointing to the calendar, where Joe's flight to Chicago was listed.
“I'll fly away, O! Glory! I'll fly away, on that morning! Yes, I'll fly, Hallelujah, by and by! I'll fly away!” Joe sang.
Pedaling furiously as as their fares were shouting about being late, Guy looked over at Joe and sang, “Some glad morning when this life is o'er...”
And Joe sang back, “I'll fly away?”
“To our home, on Chicago's Eastern shore!” Guy sang out.
“I'll fly away! I'll fly away!” Joe sang out.
Pele noted that something was... different about the Handsome brothers, and not just because when she was carried past them by her bearers that they began to sing.
“When the shadows of this life have gone,” Guys sang softly as Pele passed.
“I'll fly away?”
“Like a bird! From prison bars has flown!”
“ I'll fly away.”
“Fly away,” Guy made a ZZ Top gesture, implying the universal concept of 'outta here.'
Joe waved.
Cut to commercial: Brought to you by my Quilt Quest Stash! http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc139/blazeorama/quilt%20quest/DSC02087.jpg
As they grilled a couple of fish they had caught for dinner, Joe sang softly: “I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away!”
“... on that morning! In the sky, Hallelujah, by and by...” Guy reminded his brother.
“I'll fly away!”
The next morning, they transported a family with four year old twins and a Newfoundland dog who needed drooling bibs, and the dog had weak bladder.
“Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away.” Joe whispered to his brother.
“Chicago land, where the Antics never end.” Guy teased him.
“I'll fly away!” Joe agreed. “I'll fly away.”
“Those two are up to something,” Pele mused aloud, mostly to the camera, “I just know it.”
“Soon,” Guy said pointing to the calendar, where Joe's flight to Chicago was listed.
“I'll fly away, O! Glory! I'll fly away, on that morning! Yes, I'll fly, Hallelujah, by and by! I'll fly away!” Joe sang.
Pedaling furiously as as their fares were shouting about being late, Guy looked over at Joe and sang, “Some glad morning when this life is o'er...”
And Joe sang back, “I'll fly away?”
“To our home, on Chicago's Eastern shore!” Guy sang out.
“I'll fly away! I'll fly away!” Joe sang out.
Pele noted that something was... different about the Handsome brothers, and not just because when she was carried past them by her bearers that they began to sing.
“When the shadows of this life have gone,” Guys sang softly as Pele passed.
“I'll fly away?”
“Like a bird! From prison bars has flown!”
“ I'll fly away.”
“Fly away,” Guy made a ZZ Top gesture, implying the universal concept of 'outta here.'
Joe waved.
Cut to commercial: Brought to you by my Quilt Quest Stash! http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc139/blazeorama/quilt%20quest/DSC02087.jpg
As they grilled a couple of fish they had caught for dinner, Joe sang softly: “I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away!”
“... on that morning! In the sky, Hallelujah, by and by...” Guy reminded his brother.
“I'll fly away!”
The next morning, they transported a family with four year old twins and a Newfoundland dog who needed drooling bibs, and the dog had weak bladder.
“Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away.” Joe whispered to his brother.
“Chicago land, where the Antics never end.” Guy teased him.
“I'll fly away!” Joe agreed. “I'll fly away.”
“Those two are up to something,” Pele mused aloud, mostly to the camera, “I just know it.”
19 June, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Sweeps
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele
Pele, while frequently away of late, always came home for meetings of the Polynesian Voyaging Society. She especially liked the night meetings on the beaches far from urban light sources, and also the hikes up on Mauna Kea. (Although more than once in the past several decades she had been annoyed by prohibitions on palanquins during the hikes.)
The Polynesian peoples who had first settled her Islands were a great relief to her loneliness, yes, but in an historical retrospective they had also saved her from being reviled by later Christian settlers as a demon or worse as a virgin!
But mostly, Pele loved to listen to the people talk about the star swept sky.
The stars, she knew were great furnaces so far away that one could only see them as pin pricks of light in the obsidian blackness of space.
As the ocean breeze swept her hair and her flame colored mu-mu this way and that, she wondered what those long ago voyagers had felt, and wondered how, if they were afraid in the huge tracts of darkness that their ocean crossing required, they had managed to stay the course?
“Are you chilly?” Guy asked the woman looking at the stars, and offering her the blanket that he had brought along to sit on. He had it wrapped generously around her shoulders, not even realizing who was standing before him, as Pele was wearing one of her more aged avatars.
“Thank you.” She was now grinning, “but you must be cold! Why don't you go put a shirt on?” She waited for his reply. If she had expected complaint, or remonstration she was disappointed.
“No, that is okay, I come from Chicago, and it gets so cold there you can toss a cup of coffee into the air and it makes snow.” He followed her gaze. “It is great here, isn't it?”
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by Christine's latest greatest quilt. http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC03551.jpg
Joe came jogging up to his brother, and instantly wondered how, even with dozens of beautiful wahines around, he always ended up conversing with an older person. “Sup?”
“He was telling me how it can snow coffee in your homeland,” Pele replied. “And how you don't get cold here, even when it is chilly, like now.”
Joe laughed, “yes, to us? This isn't chilly!”
“So, why do you think the Polynesians came to this land?” She asked the brothers.
Joe was about to give a dozen sociological-economic reasons for undertaking such a voyage, when he suddenly looked at Guy and recalled something from their youth. “Just a little farther.” He whispered the phrase wistfully.
Guy chuckled. “Which is why people do anything. You climb on a rock, then you have to climb on a little bit bigger rock.”
“And if you have a brother? You have to climb a little higher than he climbed,” Joe explained.
“So then of course he has to climb a little higher than that,” Guy continued, “And if your Mom and Dad let you run ahead at the park? You want to go... just a little farther.”
“So eventually you end up on the moon,” Joe finished.
“Just a little farther?” Pele realized, “I feel like that about the ocean, and how far into it the land goes.”
Her disguise lifted and the brother's were a bit startled. They watched her sweep away, still holding their blanket around herself, like some ancient chieftain.
Pele, while frequently away of late, always came home for meetings of the Polynesian Voyaging Society. She especially liked the night meetings on the beaches far from urban light sources, and also the hikes up on Mauna Kea. (Although more than once in the past several decades she had been annoyed by prohibitions on palanquins during the hikes.)
The Polynesian peoples who had first settled her Islands were a great relief to her loneliness, yes, but in an historical retrospective they had also saved her from being reviled by later Christian settlers as a demon or worse as a virgin!
But mostly, Pele loved to listen to the people talk about the star swept sky.
The stars, she knew were great furnaces so far away that one could only see them as pin pricks of light in the obsidian blackness of space.
As the ocean breeze swept her hair and her flame colored mu-mu this way and that, she wondered what those long ago voyagers had felt, and wondered how, if they were afraid in the huge tracts of darkness that their ocean crossing required, they had managed to stay the course?
“Are you chilly?” Guy asked the woman looking at the stars, and offering her the blanket that he had brought along to sit on. He had it wrapped generously around her shoulders, not even realizing who was standing before him, as Pele was wearing one of her more aged avatars.
“Thank you.” She was now grinning, “but you must be cold! Why don't you go put a shirt on?” She waited for his reply. If she had expected complaint, or remonstration she was disappointed.
“No, that is okay, I come from Chicago, and it gets so cold there you can toss a cup of coffee into the air and it makes snow.” He followed her gaze. “It is great here, isn't it?”
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by Christine's latest greatest quilt. http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC03551.jpg
Joe came jogging up to his brother, and instantly wondered how, even with dozens of beautiful wahines around, he always ended up conversing with an older person. “Sup?”
“He was telling me how it can snow coffee in your homeland,” Pele replied. “And how you don't get cold here, even when it is chilly, like now.”
Joe laughed, “yes, to us? This isn't chilly!”
“So, why do you think the Polynesians came to this land?” She asked the brothers.
Joe was about to give a dozen sociological-economic reasons for undertaking such a voyage, when he suddenly looked at Guy and recalled something from their youth. “Just a little farther.” He whispered the phrase wistfully.
Guy chuckled. “Which is why people do anything. You climb on a rock, then you have to climb on a little bit bigger rock.”
“And if you have a brother? You have to climb a little higher than he climbed,” Joe explained.
“So then of course he has to climb a little higher than that,” Guy continued, “And if your Mom and Dad let you run ahead at the park? You want to go... just a little farther.”
“So eventually you end up on the moon,” Joe finished.
“Just a little farther?” Pele realized, “I feel like that about the ocean, and how far into it the land goes.”
Her disguise lifted and the brother's were a bit startled. They watched her sweep away, still holding their blanket around herself, like some ancient chieftain.
11 June, 2011
Tonight's episode: Beer and Skittles
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Neil Patrick Harris as Nathaniel Winkle
It has to be said, that even though afflicted with Pele's curse, and unable to go into the mainstream stores, those which proudly (or wickedly) display signs proclaiming: No Shirt No Shoes No Service, this did not decrease the Handsome brother's need for supplies and sundries. It caused them to investigate the virtues of the small business owner, who valued trade above wardrobe.
Winkle's was one of those stores where a shirtless man could indeed buy a gallon of milk, some bread, peanut butter and other goods to keep body and soul together. So it was that, when on their way to work early one morning, they saw Nat Winkle's truck under an underpass, they pulled their pedicabs over and asked, “heya, Natty, sup?”
Nathaniel Winkle, technically the eighth, called Natty to distinguish him from his father, who went by the moniker Nat-fish (neither brother had yet had the time and temerity to ask regarding this.)
“Damn hammer.” Natty was somewhat sooty and looked at them from behind his thick round glasses. His white deli coat showed some stress from being on the ground.
Joe knelt and looked. “Wow, you don't see that every day.” There was claw hammer that had impaled the right rear tire of the Winklemobile.
“It's like I am cursed. You can't imagine what it is like!” The younger Winkle exclaimed.
“You might be surprised,” Joe replied quietly.
Cut to Commercial: The Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html So good!
Natty spread his hands in exasperation. “No matter where, no matter what, it is always a hammer.”
Pragmatic, Guy said, “have a jack? We can help you change the tire.” He peeked under the truck for the spare, “You have a flat spare.” He looked at Joe, “There is another hammer in it.”
“No way,” Joe’s voice was hushed.
“Way,” Guy nodded, truth being stranger than fiction.
Joe hunkered to look under the truck, “Look at that!'
“Hammer.” Natty sighed.
“No problem,” Guy said, “hop in the cab, and we'll take you to pick up a tire and bring you back.”
“First we should push you out from in the underpass, you can't believe how unsafe...” He didn't even get the words out when they heard a squeal of tires and crunching from above themselves! Down poured a familiar smelling golden liquid. On the other side of the underpass a sound like hail, or beads echoed.
“Even in the face of disaster, life can be all beer and skittles!” Natty stated and then shouted, “ow!” As a hammer dislodged from the I beam above them and landed on his foot.
Guest Star: Neil Patrick Harris as Nathaniel Winkle
It has to be said, that even though afflicted with Pele's curse, and unable to go into the mainstream stores, those which proudly (or wickedly) display signs proclaiming: No Shirt No Shoes No Service, this did not decrease the Handsome brother's need for supplies and sundries. It caused them to investigate the virtues of the small business owner, who valued trade above wardrobe.
Winkle's was one of those stores where a shirtless man could indeed buy a gallon of milk, some bread, peanut butter and other goods to keep body and soul together. So it was that, when on their way to work early one morning, they saw Nat Winkle's truck under an underpass, they pulled their pedicabs over and asked, “heya, Natty, sup?”
Nathaniel Winkle, technically the eighth, called Natty to distinguish him from his father, who went by the moniker Nat-fish (neither brother had yet had the time and temerity to ask regarding this.)
“Damn hammer.” Natty was somewhat sooty and looked at them from behind his thick round glasses. His white deli coat showed some stress from being on the ground.
Joe knelt and looked. “Wow, you don't see that every day.” There was claw hammer that had impaled the right rear tire of the Winklemobile.
“It's like I am cursed. You can't imagine what it is like!” The younger Winkle exclaimed.
“You might be surprised,” Joe replied quietly.
Cut to Commercial: The Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html So good!
Natty spread his hands in exasperation. “No matter where, no matter what, it is always a hammer.”
Pragmatic, Guy said, “have a jack? We can help you change the tire.” He peeked under the truck for the spare, “You have a flat spare.” He looked at Joe, “There is another hammer in it.”
“No way,” Joe’s voice was hushed.
“Way,” Guy nodded, truth being stranger than fiction.
Joe hunkered to look under the truck, “Look at that!'
“Hammer.” Natty sighed.
“No problem,” Guy said, “hop in the cab, and we'll take you to pick up a tire and bring you back.”
“First we should push you out from in the underpass, you can't believe how unsafe...” He didn't even get the words out when they heard a squeal of tires and crunching from above themselves! Down poured a familiar smelling golden liquid. On the other side of the underpass a sound like hail, or beads echoed.
“Even in the face of disaster, life can be all beer and skittles!” Natty stated and then shouted, “ow!” As a hammer dislodged from the I beam above them and landed on his foot.
06 June, 2011
Tonight's episode: Life without Howie.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Kelly Hu as Master Mi'na'kee
The sudden and unexplained absence of Uncle Howard put the brothers into the doldrums for many days.
Even quoting wonderful figures like, “Did you know one of the largest ever Lu'au was hosted by Kamehameha III in 1847. The list of foods prepared included 271 hogs, 482 large calabashes of poi, 3,125 salt fish, 1,820 fresh fish, 2,245 coconuts, 4,000 taro plants and numerous other delicacies. King Kalakaua, who was known as the ‘Merry Monarch’ for his love of parties and dance, invited over 1500 guests to his 50th birthday luau. They were fed in shifts of 500!” Didn't cheer Joe up.
Finding out that Kaz Kaiser's unitard during a recent race in Seattle had left him in-bare-assed, didn't cheer up Guy. Well, okay, yes it did– but not for long. (That should have been good for at least a week.)
Even the Madams Soo mentioned how things seemed a whole third less wonderful with Howard gone.
Of course there was lots of work to be done, making up for hours missed at being pedi-cabbies while they did fun stuff with Uncle Howie.
But it came to a head when Guy walked in and saw a glazed-like-a-donut Joe about to put on a shirt! “Are you crazy? What are you doing?” He cried aloud.
Joe froze and looked at the khaki colored four pocket safari shirt in his hands. He had even ironed it! “I... I don't know what got into me!” He stammered the words and placed the shirt onto a hanger. “I guess I was feeling... normal.”
Normal. The word hung there in the air like a pall. Normal. It seemed like forever since their lives had been that way, that 9 to 5 way.
“Oh, Joe,” Guy said slowly shaking his head in horror, “We need an intervention.”
Cut to Commercial: Serynzia electronic music! You can hear it here: http://bit.ly/2voHJe
They rode to the yellow and blue sign that said: Chakra Alignment.
Soon the brothers found themselves in a pergola covered garden with babbling water fountains and chimes of lun.
Master Mi'na'kee was facing them, her hands folded in greeting and she looked upon them and saw that their chakras were indeed wildly misaligned. “I can see that the earth is pulling you in many ways at once,” She said circling them. “We will need both sound and hand treatments to realign your pathways.”
Guy and Joe seated themselves, and attempted to relax.
“In the Light of the Creator...We See Only Love!” Master Mi'na'kee struck a tuning fork upon her elbow and the sound thrummed through the garden, harmonizing with some of the chimes and dissonizing with others. She brought her hands forward...
“Did I fall asleep?” Guy asked, suddenly noticing that garden was silent, “I saw myself in a place where everything tasted wonderful and yet it was all less filling.”
“Did we fall asleep?” Joe asked, seeing that the sun was much lower on the horizon, “I saw myself in a place where I could actually taste the rainbow.”
“You were wrapped in the cocoon of golden healing,” Master Mi'na'kee told them. “Your waking sleep gave you the key.”
After they bowed to the Master, (who waived her fee at this time, because the Handsome brothers had agreed that she could use photos of them in her garden on both her website and her brochures,) the brothers rode home.
They had much to contemplate.
Guest Star: Kelly Hu as Master Mi'na'kee
The sudden and unexplained absence of Uncle Howard put the brothers into the doldrums for many days.
Even quoting wonderful figures like, “Did you know one of the largest ever Lu'au was hosted by Kamehameha III in 1847. The list of foods prepared included 271 hogs, 482 large calabashes of poi, 3,125 salt fish, 1,820 fresh fish, 2,245 coconuts, 4,000 taro plants and numerous other delicacies. King Kalakaua, who was known as the ‘Merry Monarch’ for his love of parties and dance, invited over 1500 guests to his 50th birthday luau. They were fed in shifts of 500!” Didn't cheer Joe up.
Finding out that Kaz Kaiser's unitard during a recent race in Seattle had left him in-bare-assed, didn't cheer up Guy. Well, okay, yes it did– but not for long. (That should have been good for at least a week.)
Even the Madams Soo mentioned how things seemed a whole third less wonderful with Howard gone.
Of course there was lots of work to be done, making up for hours missed at being pedi-cabbies while they did fun stuff with Uncle Howie.
But it came to a head when Guy walked in and saw a glazed-like-a-donut Joe about to put on a shirt! “Are you crazy? What are you doing?” He cried aloud.
Joe froze and looked at the khaki colored four pocket safari shirt in his hands. He had even ironed it! “I... I don't know what got into me!” He stammered the words and placed the shirt onto a hanger. “I guess I was feeling... normal.”
Normal. The word hung there in the air like a pall. Normal. It seemed like forever since their lives had been that way, that 9 to 5 way.
“Oh, Joe,” Guy said slowly shaking his head in horror, “We need an intervention.”
Cut to Commercial: Serynzia electronic music! You can hear it here: http://bit.ly/2voHJe
They rode to the yellow and blue sign that said: Chakra Alignment.
Soon the brothers found themselves in a pergola covered garden with babbling water fountains and chimes of lun.
Master Mi'na'kee was facing them, her hands folded in greeting and she looked upon them and saw that their chakras were indeed wildly misaligned. “I can see that the earth is pulling you in many ways at once,” She said circling them. “We will need both sound and hand treatments to realign your pathways.”
Guy and Joe seated themselves, and attempted to relax.
“In the Light of the Creator...We See Only Love!” Master Mi'na'kee struck a tuning fork upon her elbow and the sound thrummed through the garden, harmonizing with some of the chimes and dissonizing with others. She brought her hands forward...
“Did I fall asleep?” Guy asked, suddenly noticing that garden was silent, “I saw myself in a place where everything tasted wonderful and yet it was all less filling.”
“Did we fall asleep?” Joe asked, seeing that the sun was much lower on the horizon, “I saw myself in a place where I could actually taste the rainbow.”
“You were wrapped in the cocoon of golden healing,” Master Mi'na'kee told them. “Your waking sleep gave you the key.”
After they bowed to the Master, (who waived her fee at this time, because the Handsome brothers had agreed that she could use photos of them in her garden on both her website and her brochures,) the brothers rode home.
They had much to contemplate.
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