Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Joe said, “so what do you want to do today, Uncle Howie?”
The three men were hanging out on the beach near the cottage, Guy and Howard Handsome in hammocks and Joe Handsome on his laptop in a lawn chair.
All in all they had been having a wonderful time together during Uncle Howie's vacation. Howard successfully sloughed off questions into his vocation, and the brothers avoided explaining why they didn't ever wear shirts, or why they were not returning to Chicago and their regular lives.
It was a guy thing.
“I think I would like to just kick back and have some time to myself, today.” Howie said casually. “If that is okay with you both?”
Guy looked at his Uncle, “We have invites to a Luau tonight,” He said.
“I'll make certain that I am back by then,” Howard promised. Then he gave each of his nephews a hug and departed for his time to himself.
Pele was standing on the rim to her favorite caldera. She was wearing her favorite gown, the one with the fitted bodice and the voluminous full length skirt with the tightly ruffled flounce that followed the slit from the ground to her hip. Behind her ear was a hibiscus blossom as boldly red as the gown she wore.
Of course, she was expecting company. And, as a goddess is not apt to be disappointed, she saw the massively stud-like Howard Handsome walking up, his white linen shirt mostly unbuttoned, and his sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm. His black trousers fit just right, clinging to his gladiator's thighs, and giving her an urge to make him turn around, so she could check the fit there, as well.
“I think you are what is keeping my nephews here,” He said as he came face to face with her. Which was really more chest to face, since he had a height advantage. He seized her shoulders and pulled her close, making her look up into his eyes.
Pele licked her lips and smiled secretively, “I don't think you know as much about me as you pretend to,” she replied.
Somewhere a tango began to play.
Cut to Commercial: http://crab.rutgers.edu/~pbutler/bransler.html The Bhakaili Branslers -- Best medieval dance band... EVER!
Howard's hand found the small of Pele’s back and he began to sing:
“Molten fire,
you make me burn
With molten fire
to melt my heart,
a heart of stone.
Black as stone,
black as night,
black are your eyes
yet they burn
with molten fire.”
Together they moved to the beat of the music, move countering move, swaying and maintaining each other’s gaze.
As he snapped her to arms length and coiled her back in, Pele sang back:
“Your heat,
the steam it rises,
Your waves
pound the shore
of fire.
Yet my heart
melts a distant
icy shore
glacier graced
with ardor.”
Howard bent her back and dragged her across the pumice and ash. His rich full voice rang out:
“Free on the wind
your hair lifts
free as your gaze
free as your smile,
can you not be free?
Soft dark curves
Like the mountains
heave with a sigh.
roll like the meadows
in the wind.”
Pele raked her hands through his hair and smacked him, twice, across the face then pushed him backwards with a palm to his chest, always to the unrelenting rhythm, singing:
“Who are you
to know my heart
my soul of fire
and what moves
my world?
You can not
fight the force
of nature,
of creation,
that I am.”
Needless to say, Howard was late for the luau, but he never explained why. And seeing the look in his eyes, the Handsome brothers never asked.
Our next Episode: Luau!
15 May, 2011
13 May, 2011
Tonight's episode: Uncle Howard
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Howard Handsome came walking toward his favorite two nephews in a pair of faded denims and an off white linen shirt that he wore with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons all open, and he wasn't even cursed. “Guy! Joe!” He called out to them in a faint Aussie accent that, while the brothers didn't find it sexy, every woman in the area was instantly transfixed by.
The Handsome Brothers were always so pleased to see their Uncle that they never paused to think about why his accent was so different from their father's or theirs. Much hugging and back pounding ensued and then Uncle Howie, being in Rome, did as the Roman's do and took his shirt off entirely, (which caused two women to faint.)
“So, you make a living here pedaling bikes?” Howie asked, genuinely interested. Then suddenly he excused himself, disappearing into the crowd.
“I just love when Uncle How is around,” Joe said. “He always makes me feel better.”
“Yeah,” Guy agreed, He secured Uncle Howie's luggage on his cab, because Joe had won the honor of driving their uncle around. (In a rousing game of rock, paper, scissors.)
About fifteen minutes later, Howie returned, carrying a container of shave ice for each of them. “Where were we?”
“I am actually still working as an actuarial, too, Unc,” Joe said, as they sat around and nibbled their ices. “I telecommute four days a week.”
“And he is going to be going to the Actuarial Antics in Chicago,” Guy added.
“And you,” Howard said, “your Mum told me that you came in second in the Iron Man.” He said it proudly.
“I did.”
Then they started to pedal, discussing everything in their lives, and creating a itinerary that would keep their Uncle entertained and far from the volcano, limited only by the odd “no shirt, no shoes...” warning.
Cut to Commercial: Jill Parisi Studios http://jillparisi.com fine art for home, office or public spaces. Creative, Innovative, Aesthetic.
It was not the first time that the Handsome brothers noticed that their Uncle How disappeared several times a day for up to an hour. But when this occurred at the Ala Moana Beach Park and Magic Island, it was difficult not to notice that someone had suddenly appeared to rescue a couple of tourists from a severe riptide, and when it happened again at the 'Iolani Palace they noticed that someone snatched a small boy just as he plummeted from a balcony.
So as the pedaled home, Guy asked, “Uncle Howard? Are you a super hero?”
“No! Of course not!” Howie said, laughing. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
Joe poked a finger at the suitcase on Guy's cab. A piece of cloth was protruding from it.“Uhm, the yellow and black spandex, actually. That and the frequency of all your pit stops.”
“Unless you are on Lasics?” Guy chuckled.
Just as Howie was about to admonish his nephews for believing in Super Heroes, a gorgeous woman on a palanquin, born by more than a dozen rugged Hawaiian men stopped her transport and wafted toward him. He felt his temperature (and his heart rate) rising.
“How handsome!” Pele commented.
“Yes, I am,” Howard said charmingly, “but you have me at a disadvantage.”
“Yes, I do,” Pele replied coquettishly. “Have you taken the helicopter tour yet?” She asked.
“No, should I?” Howard asked.
“No, Uncle Howie is afraid of heights,” Guy interjected, rapidly.
“NO,” Joe admonished, heatedly, “do you know how unsafe those tours are?”
“I am not afraid,” Howard Handsome said gently, looking right into Pele's eyes, “of anything.”
“I can tell,” She replied, lifting a hand to caress his strong jawline.
“We have reservations!” Guy and Joe blurted in unison, and in perfect honesty, although which specific definition of that word was not stipulated.
“Later then,” Howard kissed the goddess' hand.
“Definitely later,” Pele cooed.
Guest Hunk: Hugh Jackman as Howard Handsome
Howard Handsome came walking toward his favorite two nephews in a pair of faded denims and an off white linen shirt that he wore with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons all open, and he wasn't even cursed. “Guy! Joe!” He called out to them in a faint Aussie accent that, while the brothers didn't find it sexy, every woman in the area was instantly transfixed by.
The Handsome Brothers were always so pleased to see their Uncle that they never paused to think about why his accent was so different from their father's or theirs. Much hugging and back pounding ensued and then Uncle Howie, being in Rome, did as the Roman's do and took his shirt off entirely, (which caused two women to faint.)
“So, you make a living here pedaling bikes?” Howie asked, genuinely interested. Then suddenly he excused himself, disappearing into the crowd.
“I just love when Uncle How is around,” Joe said. “He always makes me feel better.”
“Yeah,” Guy agreed, He secured Uncle Howie's luggage on his cab, because Joe had won the honor of driving their uncle around. (In a rousing game of rock, paper, scissors.)
About fifteen minutes later, Howie returned, carrying a container of shave ice for each of them. “Where were we?”
“I am actually still working as an actuarial, too, Unc,” Joe said, as they sat around and nibbled their ices. “I telecommute four days a week.”
“And he is going to be going to the Actuarial Antics in Chicago,” Guy added.
“And you,” Howard said, “your Mum told me that you came in second in the Iron Man.” He said it proudly.
“I did.”
Then they started to pedal, discussing everything in their lives, and creating a itinerary that would keep their Uncle entertained and far from the volcano, limited only by the odd “no shirt, no shoes...” warning.
Cut to Commercial: Jill Parisi Studios http://jillparisi.com fine art for home, office or public spaces. Creative, Innovative, Aesthetic.
It was not the first time that the Handsome brothers noticed that their Uncle How disappeared several times a day for up to an hour. But when this occurred at the Ala Moana Beach Park and Magic Island, it was difficult not to notice that someone had suddenly appeared to rescue a couple of tourists from a severe riptide, and when it happened again at the 'Iolani Palace they noticed that someone snatched a small boy just as he plummeted from a balcony.
So as the pedaled home, Guy asked, “Uncle Howard? Are you a super hero?”
“No! Of course not!” Howie said, laughing. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
Joe poked a finger at the suitcase on Guy's cab. A piece of cloth was protruding from it.“Uhm, the yellow and black spandex, actually. That and the frequency of all your pit stops.”
“Unless you are on Lasics?” Guy chuckled.
Just as Howie was about to admonish his nephews for believing in Super Heroes, a gorgeous woman on a palanquin, born by more than a dozen rugged Hawaiian men stopped her transport and wafted toward him. He felt his temperature (and his heart rate) rising.
“How handsome!” Pele commented.
“Yes, I am,” Howard said charmingly, “but you have me at a disadvantage.”
“Yes, I do,” Pele replied coquettishly. “Have you taken the helicopter tour yet?” She asked.
“No, should I?” Howard asked.
“No, Uncle Howie is afraid of heights,” Guy interjected, rapidly.
“NO,” Joe admonished, heatedly, “do you know how unsafe those tours are?”
“I am not afraid,” Howard Handsome said gently, looking right into Pele's eyes, “of anything.”
“I can tell,” She replied, lifting a hand to caress his strong jawline.
“We have reservations!” Guy and Joe blurted in unison, and in perfect honesty, although which specific definition of that word was not stipulated.
“Later then,” Howard kissed the goddess' hand.
“Definitely later,” Pele cooed.
05 May, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Cinco de Mayo, Hawaiian Style
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Starring: Davey Havok as Pizarro Fino
“Most recent statistics reveal that an estimated 84.1 million pounds of avocados will be consumed this year for Cinco de Mayo.” Joe said, not glancing up from his laptop.
“Really?” Guy said, “well, I am going to make that figure low when people taste my new invention.” He handed his brother a slice of his avocado-pineapple pie.
“I like the way you used coconut and a cherry to get that red white and green effect with it.” Joe took a bite. “Mm.”
“First place mm or second place mm?” Guy asked. Even though things had worked out well, and Tony promised that when it was time he would provide transport for Joe to Chicago, he did sometimes still wish he had won.
“Maybe third place mm.” Joe said, mostly for the reaction.
Only the proximity of the laptop save Joe from an avocado-pineapple facial and hair treatment.
The Handsome brothers had gone all out and dressed themselves and their pedicabs up for the local Cinco de Mayo. Each brother bore a wide brimmed sombrero, and Joe had thrown a Mexican Blanket, borrowed from the Madams Soo, over the seat section of his cab. Guy had gone for the red white and green crepe look, and had placed a Mexican flag just under the American flag that always adorned his pedicab, opposite the vermillion safety flag required by law.
Even Pele had gotten into the spirit of the event, she arrayed herself as an Aztec Goddess, all in crimson and gold and her bearers sported bandoliers across bare chests and handlebar mustachios. “Arriba! Arriba!” She shouted joyously.
Cut to Commercial: : http://www.vulcantourism.com/ Yes, there is a town called Vulcan in Alberta Canada, and all trekkie-types should a pilgrimage there attempt.
“Hey, guy!” Pizarro Fino shouted. He was dressed in total goth, piercings, tats, leathers, plus an outrageous serape, replete with tiny skulls throughout.
Guy stopped and said, “Si Senor?” He grinned. His Spanish accent sounded as far south as the South Side of Chicago.
“I have a gig at the Cha Cha Cha Salsaria, and I don't even know where that is? Can you get me there, and not rip me off too badly?”
“Sure.” Guy said, “my brother and I have to head over that way anyway, soon.”
“Yeah?” Pizarro settled into the pedicab. “I don't get it... what it with the whole Cinco sensation here? It is freakin' Hawaii dudes!”
Joe laughed, “what could possibly be wrong with a holiday that means eating nachos and drinking tequila?”
“What are we actually celebrating though?” The passenger asked.
“While Cinco de Mayo sees limited significance and celebration nationwide in Mexico, the date is observed as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, ” Joe informed him. “In Mexico it celebrates an unlikely Mexican victory over superior French forces at the battle of Puebla, in 1862. Although, for us, it is more like, Eat Guacamole Day.”
“You mean it isn't the Mexican fourth of July?” Their fare asked.
“That is exactly what it isn't.” Joe admitted.
Guy introduced himself and his brother to their fare, even though he technically wasn't Joe's fare. “Plus we get to hear Roshan play with the Santana Tribute band.”
“No shit? When is that?” Pizarro Fino asked.
“Just after the Son Caribe Salsa Band at 7.” Joe said, “and before that, Guy is entering his new pie in the Hawai'ispanic Desert Challenge.”
“Hey! That's the gig I am hosting!” Piz clapped his hands and laughed. “Too bad I'm not judging, I'd let you win.”
“Nah, I have to do that on my own merits or I get all gloomy,” Guy said cheerfully.
And his pie didn't make it in the top three, but did take the Best Haole Gringo Attemptola category by storm.
Guest Starring: Davey Havok as Pizarro Fino
“Most recent statistics reveal that an estimated 84.1 million pounds of avocados will be consumed this year for Cinco de Mayo.” Joe said, not glancing up from his laptop.
“Really?” Guy said, “well, I am going to make that figure low when people taste my new invention.” He handed his brother a slice of his avocado-pineapple pie.
“I like the way you used coconut and a cherry to get that red white and green effect with it.” Joe took a bite. “Mm.”
“First place mm or second place mm?” Guy asked. Even though things had worked out well, and Tony promised that when it was time he would provide transport for Joe to Chicago, he did sometimes still wish he had won.
“Maybe third place mm.” Joe said, mostly for the reaction.
Only the proximity of the laptop save Joe from an avocado-pineapple facial and hair treatment.
The Handsome brothers had gone all out and dressed themselves and their pedicabs up for the local Cinco de Mayo. Each brother bore a wide brimmed sombrero, and Joe had thrown a Mexican Blanket, borrowed from the Madams Soo, over the seat section of his cab. Guy had gone for the red white and green crepe look, and had placed a Mexican flag just under the American flag that always adorned his pedicab, opposite the vermillion safety flag required by law.
Even Pele had gotten into the spirit of the event, she arrayed herself as an Aztec Goddess, all in crimson and gold and her bearers sported bandoliers across bare chests and handlebar mustachios. “Arriba! Arriba!” She shouted joyously.
Cut to Commercial: : http://www.vulcantourism.com/ Yes, there is a town called Vulcan in Alberta Canada, and all trekkie-types should a pilgrimage there attempt.
“Hey, guy!” Pizarro Fino shouted. He was dressed in total goth, piercings, tats, leathers, plus an outrageous serape, replete with tiny skulls throughout.
Guy stopped and said, “Si Senor?” He grinned. His Spanish accent sounded as far south as the South Side of Chicago.
“I have a gig at the Cha Cha Cha Salsaria, and I don't even know where that is? Can you get me there, and not rip me off too badly?”
“Sure.” Guy said, “my brother and I have to head over that way anyway, soon.”
“Yeah?” Pizarro settled into the pedicab. “I don't get it... what it with the whole Cinco sensation here? It is freakin' Hawaii dudes!”
Joe laughed, “what could possibly be wrong with a holiday that means eating nachos and drinking tequila?”
“What are we actually celebrating though?” The passenger asked.
“While Cinco de Mayo sees limited significance and celebration nationwide in Mexico, the date is observed as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, ” Joe informed him. “In Mexico it celebrates an unlikely Mexican victory over superior French forces at the battle of Puebla, in 1862. Although, for us, it is more like, Eat Guacamole Day.”
“You mean it isn't the Mexican fourth of July?” Their fare asked.
“That is exactly what it isn't.” Joe admitted.
Guy introduced himself and his brother to their fare, even though he technically wasn't Joe's fare. “Plus we get to hear Roshan play with the Santana Tribute band.”
“No shit? When is that?” Pizarro Fino asked.
“Just after the Son Caribe Salsa Band at 7.” Joe said, “and before that, Guy is entering his new pie in the Hawai'ispanic Desert Challenge.”
“Hey! That's the gig I am hosting!” Piz clapped his hands and laughed. “Too bad I'm not judging, I'd let you win.”
“Nah, I have to do that on my own merits or I get all gloomy,” Guy said cheerfully.
And his pie didn't make it in the top three, but did take the Best Haole Gringo Attemptola category by storm.
27 April, 2011
Tonight’s Episode: Melodrama – a Fan Fic!
NB: Tonight's episode is a fan fiction that I was sent. It was penned by the inimical Marisol_29. Thanks, Marisol! Nothing makes an author feel more loved than a fan fiction! <3 Blaze
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Stars: Andrea Bocelli and Tony Danza
Guy Handsome sat nervously on his pedicab, awaiting another customer. Joe was at home, recovering from assorted second degree burns which had been acquired from too hot bath water. He had purchased a lovely silk shirt and had sworn up and down that trying on was not the same as wearing. Apparently Pele thought differently. While Guy had not been remotely involved in the affair, still he waited for the other shoe to drop.
Two men came toward Guy’s cab, both handsome, one leading the other, who was clearly visually impaired.
“My friend,” said the slightly elder, with a thick Brooklyn accent, “needs to go to the Opera House.” He smacked Guy with an expensive leather glove, stating, “So you can understand him,” and left without another word.
The other, settled in, smile on his face, watched Guy who tried to make conversation, asking, “So… what will you be doing at the theater?”
In clear, dulcet tones of a tenor, the comely man sang, “Questa mia canzone, inno dell’amore, te la canto adesso.”
“Oh, a singer, eh?” said Guy, pedaling with some urgency, feeling as though he should be hastening to get the man to his destination.
“Con il mio dolor, così forte, così grande, che mi trafigge il cuor,” the man, whom we shall name Andrea, continued.
Not realizing he understood the words, Guy winced in sympathy. “Stabbing pain in your heart? Maybe you should go to the hospital instead.”
“Ma limpido è il mattino, tra i campi odor di vino,” sang Andrea, and Guy sniffed the air to see if he could smell the wine too.
“Io ti sognavo e adesso, ti vedo ancora lì, ah, quanta nostalgia, affresco di collina.”
Guy looked back at the dude, uncomfortable to be told he had been dreamt about frolicking among the hills. What hills?
“Io pìango che pazzia, fu andarsene poi via.” Sweat began to run down Guy’s face as he thought it was madness for him not to just leave this guy and go.
Cut To Commercial: Buy the latest CD of Andrea Bocelli
“Questa melodia, inno dell’amore, te la canto e sento, tutto il mio dolor.” Then it was, that our hero realized the man san about a girl.
“Così forte, così grande, che mi trafigge il cuor, ma limpido è il mattino, tra i campi un gran mulino.” Guy began to wonder if his passenger was Don Quixote in reverse or something… seeing a windmill in the distance instead of the volcano.
“So… you are from Italy, then?” Guy finally caught on the song was in a different language.
“lì è nato il mio destino,” the man replied.
“Reminds me of a joke, what did the lemon said to the sugar cube?”
“Amaro senza te… amaro senza te,” Andrea belted out the punchline.
Guy laughed, fully comprehending now who his customer was. “So you must be performing tonight? What will you be singing about then?”
“E questo core canta, un dolce melodrama, èl’inno dell’amor,” the tenor responded with beautiful clarity.
“Hey, what if I go see your show tonight?” “Che canterò per te,” Andrea sang cheerfully.
Then, Guy remembered that he couldn’t wear a shirt, which had begun this whole fiasco from the start. “Sorry… can’t make it after all.”
Looking disappointed, having reached his destination, the man paid, “È un melodramma che
Che canto senza te.”
25 April, 2011
Tonight’s Episode: What are the Odds?
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest star: Akebono and Robert Downy, Jr.
“You do realize,” Joe said, “even if I was immortal... free of disease and senescence, the only causes of death possible to me could be accident, suicide and homicide.. there are only one in a billion chances that I would have a median lifespan of 1,200 years and a maximum lifespan of 25,000 years, right?”
Tony cocked his head and replied, “Time and lifespan here are measured subjectively--from the viewpoint of the individual in question. People who are practically immortal are only 'immortal' until a fatal accident catches up with them. Those who are physically immortal are, roughly speaking, 'immortal' to the end of time. Those who are completely immortal are as 'immortal' as it is logically possible to be. And those who are literally immortal will simply never die, period. For our current purposes, I will take immortality to mean physical immortality, as defined above...” Then he added wryly, “give or take.”
The Big Man considered, “but say I get run down by a passing chlorofiend, there will clearly be some universes in which I survive--at least from the point of view of some time shortly before the accident occurs. At the point when major miracles would be required to save me, it is possible that my death becomes 100% fated to happen--that is, if major miracles are eliminated as a possibility. But even if they are eliminated, my doomed state will not last for very long. Given the generally chaotic nature of the world, it seems a safe bet that this doomed state will not be reached until shortly before the accident. Ergo, so long as I can live with the fact that I might, in a small percentage of universes, exist for brief periods of time with the knowledge that I will die, then minor miracles offer a kind of immunity from death by accident.”
Guy hung his head down and sighed behind the Game Master's screen. “Look, can't you guys just roll the dice and see what happens like normal people?”
“But as a Knight of the Sword, the Big Man has to factor in that even the inevitability of death by action or accident may in some way alter the Universe.” Joe postulated, “I think it merits at least some discussion.”
“Look,” Tony said, “if you took Omega Point theory...” He borrowed a white board marker, and wrote a formula on the plexiglass that overlaid the peg board which delineated the area of the adventure which they were in. “The Omega Point is thus a person, eternal, omniscient, and due to the reversibility of the Einstein field equations, omnipresent, and if one accepts that this Being contains all of the algorithms of all natural processes, omnipotent.”
The other two nodded.
Cut to Commercial: The Dresden Files RPG, available in bundled order and PDF now! http://is.gd/bSZgw
Pele glided over toward the small cadre of men sitting around the low table, all of them with their shirts off. She sipped from her cup and wondered why the lines on the table were so very interesting to them... “what are you doing?” She asked.
Soon she was handed dice, and found herself a small pizza loving creature, only 8 inches high. She could fly, and she could ride on a canine or a feline if she wished it. More importantly, she could assist a Wizard in smiting trolls under a bridge. “Oh,” she said, “this is delightful! But you boys all understand, don't you, there are no Trolls anymore outside of Scandinavia, right?”
“No more technical discussion!” Guy decreed. “During the break when we have pizza. Otherwise? Otherwise... I will have DemiWho show up, and I don't care which system we are using.”
Joe instantly put a silencing finger to his lips. “You really, really don't want him to pull out his DemiWho.”
But Pele playing with her pretty, pretty, pretty lava hued dice, wasn't actually so sure she didn't.
Our Next Episode: Cinco de Mayo, Hawaiian Style.
Guest star: Akebono and Robert Downy, Jr.
“You do realize,” Joe said, “even if I was immortal... free of disease and senescence, the only causes of death possible to me could be accident, suicide and homicide.. there are only one in a billion chances that I would have a median lifespan of 1,200 years and a maximum lifespan of 25,000 years, right?”
Tony cocked his head and replied, “Time and lifespan here are measured subjectively--from the viewpoint of the individual in question. People who are practically immortal are only 'immortal' until a fatal accident catches up with them. Those who are physically immortal are, roughly speaking, 'immortal' to the end of time. Those who are completely immortal are as 'immortal' as it is logically possible to be. And those who are literally immortal will simply never die, period. For our current purposes, I will take immortality to mean physical immortality, as defined above...” Then he added wryly, “give or take.”
The Big Man considered, “but say I get run down by a passing chlorofiend, there will clearly be some universes in which I survive--at least from the point of view of some time shortly before the accident occurs. At the point when major miracles would be required to save me, it is possible that my death becomes 100% fated to happen--that is, if major miracles are eliminated as a possibility. But even if they are eliminated, my doomed state will not last for very long. Given the generally chaotic nature of the world, it seems a safe bet that this doomed state will not be reached until shortly before the accident. Ergo, so long as I can live with the fact that I might, in a small percentage of universes, exist for brief periods of time with the knowledge that I will die, then minor miracles offer a kind of immunity from death by accident.”
Guy hung his head down and sighed behind the Game Master's screen. “Look, can't you guys just roll the dice and see what happens like normal people?”
“But as a Knight of the Sword, the Big Man has to factor in that even the inevitability of death by action or accident may in some way alter the Universe.” Joe postulated, “I think it merits at least some discussion.”
“Look,” Tony said, “if you took Omega Point theory...” He borrowed a white board marker, and wrote a formula on the plexiglass that overlaid the peg board which delineated the area of the adventure which they were in. “The Omega Point is thus a person, eternal, omniscient, and due to the reversibility of the Einstein field equations, omnipresent, and if one accepts that this Being contains all of the algorithms of all natural processes, omnipotent.”
The other two nodded.
Cut to Commercial: The Dresden Files RPG, available in bundled order and PDF now! http://is.gd/bSZgw
Pele glided over toward the small cadre of men sitting around the low table, all of them with their shirts off. She sipped from her cup and wondered why the lines on the table were so very interesting to them... “what are you doing?” She asked.
Soon she was handed dice, and found herself a small pizza loving creature, only 8 inches high. She could fly, and she could ride on a canine or a feline if she wished it. More importantly, she could assist a Wizard in smiting trolls under a bridge. “Oh,” she said, “this is delightful! But you boys all understand, don't you, there are no Trolls anymore outside of Scandinavia, right?”
“No more technical discussion!” Guy decreed. “During the break when we have pizza. Otherwise? Otherwise... I will have DemiWho show up, and I don't care which system we are using.”
Joe instantly put a silencing finger to his lips. “You really, really don't want him to pull out his DemiWho.”
But Pele playing with her pretty, pretty, pretty lava hued dice, wasn't actually so sure she didn't.
Our Next Episode: Cinco de Mayo, Hawaiian Style.
22 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Stark Realities
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Surprise guest star: Robert Downy, Jr.
The down side of the media circus was that now that Mr. Stark was around, everyone else was sort of forgotten.
Joe went over to find the judges, and appeal the entry, but even the judges were flocking around the last minute winner. So he grabbed a few complimentary water bottles and went to sit in the shade with Guy, starting by pouring one of the bottles over him.
Guy just screamed.
“Oops,” said Joe, “I meant to pour the one on you that wasn't on ice.” He tried to look innocent.
Guy gave his brother a wall-eyed glare. Then he said, “second is okay,” because really, second in a iron man was really good. “How was my time?”
Joe sighed and handed his brother the air temperature water and started to drink the cold one. “You shaved almost twenty seconds off your best time.”
Just as he sat up someone dropped a tee shirt on each of the brothers, and they both flinched away from the garments as if they had been stung. “Gee,” said the young man, “what did you think I was tossing you? Cattle prods?”
Guy looked at the shirt. It said: Stark Enterprises. Joe looked around. Everyone was being handed shirts. All of them had the man's face grinning almost... lecherously? Voraciously? Well definitely in a cat that ate the canary way.
Guy pointed to where Kaz Kaiser was shredding the shirt he had been given and then stomping it in the dust.
The brothers laughed.
Cut to commercial: Can’t afford to go to Kate and Willie’s wedding? Try the next best thing! Attend the reception at The Rhinecliff. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html Your host, James Chapman, is affable, approachable, charming and will make certain that you enjoy the best that the Hudson Valley has to offer. Whether for a drink, a meal or a stay, or better yet one of their fabulous special events, this author heartily recommends the The Rhinecliff. It would be rude not to.
It was long after the crowd cleared that Tony's limo halted by the Handsome brothers. He opened the door and said, “Get in, boys, I'll give you a ride to your car.”
Joe wasn't going to, because you don't get into a car with a stranger, but Guy was up and said yes before his sensible brother could act. That put Joe in the position of having to go, or Guy would be alone.
“May I ask an impolite question?” Guy asked. their benefactor.
Tony gave him a pleased look, “I wish you would.” He said, “but if I don't like it I get to throw you out of the limo.”
“While it is moving?” Guy asked, gamely.
Tony just waggled his eyebrows.
“Are you filthy rich?” Guy asked the man.
“Beyond the dreams of Avarice,” he nodded.
“Good, can I ask a favor then?” Guy was always pushing things.
“Within reason, although, I think your brother is busting a gut there.”
“He's an actuary.” Guy explained, solemnly.
“Ask then.”
And that is how Joe Handsome found out that he could have a free shirtless jet ride to Chicago in Tony Stark's private jet.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
Surprise guest star: Robert Downy, Jr.
The down side of the media circus was that now that Mr. Stark was around, everyone else was sort of forgotten.
Joe went over to find the judges, and appeal the entry, but even the judges were flocking around the last minute winner. So he grabbed a few complimentary water bottles and went to sit in the shade with Guy, starting by pouring one of the bottles over him.
Guy just screamed.
“Oops,” said Joe, “I meant to pour the one on you that wasn't on ice.” He tried to look innocent.
Guy gave his brother a wall-eyed glare. Then he said, “second is okay,” because really, second in a iron man was really good. “How was my time?”
Joe sighed and handed his brother the air temperature water and started to drink the cold one. “You shaved almost twenty seconds off your best time.”
Just as he sat up someone dropped a tee shirt on each of the brothers, and they both flinched away from the garments as if they had been stung. “Gee,” said the young man, “what did you think I was tossing you? Cattle prods?”
Guy looked at the shirt. It said: Stark Enterprises. Joe looked around. Everyone was being handed shirts. All of them had the man's face grinning almost... lecherously? Voraciously? Well definitely in a cat that ate the canary way.
Guy pointed to where Kaz Kaiser was shredding the shirt he had been given and then stomping it in the dust.
The brothers laughed.
Cut to commercial: Can’t afford to go to Kate and Willie’s wedding? Try the next best thing! Attend the reception at The Rhinecliff. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html Your host, James Chapman, is affable, approachable, charming and will make certain that you enjoy the best that the Hudson Valley has to offer. Whether for a drink, a meal or a stay, or better yet one of their fabulous special events, this author heartily recommends the The Rhinecliff. It would be rude not to.
It was long after the crowd cleared that Tony's limo halted by the Handsome brothers. He opened the door and said, “Get in, boys, I'll give you a ride to your car.”
Joe wasn't going to, because you don't get into a car with a stranger, but Guy was up and said yes before his sensible brother could act. That put Joe in the position of having to go, or Guy would be alone.
“May I ask an impolite question?” Guy asked. their benefactor.
Tony gave him a pleased look, “I wish you would.” He said, “but if I don't like it I get to throw you out of the limo.”
“While it is moving?” Guy asked, gamely.
Tony just waggled his eyebrows.
“Are you filthy rich?” Guy asked the man.
“Beyond the dreams of Avarice,” he nodded.
“Good, can I ask a favor then?” Guy was always pushing things.
“Within reason, although, I think your brother is busting a gut there.”
“He's an actuary.” Guy explained, solemnly.
“Ask then.”
And that is how Joe Handsome found out that he could have a free shirtless jet ride to Chicago in Tony Stark's private jet.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
20 April, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Who Will Win?
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Introducing: Persephone as Liz
7:00 am, sharp, the starting gun fired. Athletes from all over the world ran along Hapuna Beach and dove into the water. Many had ergonometric neoprene suits, but just as many, like Guy Handsome had bare chests. (Yay!)
Initially Kauhuhu wanted to have done with Guy Handsome at this first go round of the race. He figured, a well placed shark and one bite, bye-bye Guy. But that initial vision was flawed, as the mighty Waka had pointed out to him, demonstrating this by devouring not just his chicken at dinner the night before, but every chicken he could see. Yes, a lone shark would perhaps hit the wrong swimmer, and a school of sharks might cause the race to be called off all together!
Kaz Kaiser drafted off of Guy Handsome. He had almost worn an expensive neoprene wet suit, but a comment by one of the very toothsome women he had overheard several days ago had changed his mind. It had been about real Olympians, the kinds that the gods of old had favored, and how they had performed in the nude. Well, the rules prohibited nude, as did the bike riding and the subsequent chafing... not to mention bouncing and flailing of certain of his... attributes. So, shirtlessly he powered through the waters of Hawaii and secretly wondered why a shark wasn't eating his foe!
As the swim took place Mo-o was in position to sabotage the bicycle which Guy Handsome was to use. His wrench was about to descend when Waka stayed his hand and pointed to the decal on the hot pink Fuji. “Yikes!” Mo-o said. “A Hammerhead!” Waka nodded and wagged his finger in the classic, “no no no” gesture and said, “waka-waka!”
Mo-o ran to Kauhuhu who was eating a hot dog, ogling some wahines and paying no attention to the race whatsoever. “Mighty Kauhuhu!” He said.
Kauhuhu shushed his minion until he finished the dog.
Cut to commercial: Get the perspective! http://www.wix.com/illuminantphoto/illuminantperspectives Yes, Illuminant Perspectives. Fine photography for your walls and you mind. Owner operated. Buy some art and be illuminated!
“Our human is doing second best, see? We really have to help it.” Kauhuhu said, not looking at the race in favor of some hula dancers and a voluptuous shave ice vendor.
“Great One! Is there any circumstance under which we would cause harm to the vehicle of a Hammerhead?”
Kauhuhu, who liked a puzzle every now and again, and who was starting to go over to hula with the ladies, thought this out carefully and then replied, “Yes, if we needed to save that person's life.”
The swimmers, after a mile point two, exited the water at a trot. They had to cross the timing mats and run to the designated Mounting Area. Kaz Kaiser was on his composite, high tech, street mean bike seconds! whole seconds! before our hero, Guy Handsome. “Move it, move, move!” Joe shouted at his brother.
And off they all went.
Salt water was the next ploy! At each of the timing sections, Mo-o and Waka spiked the cup they thought Guy was must likely to drink with ocean water. Which might have worked if Joe wasn't at every station handing his brother a cup, only after sipping it for purity. (Have we mentioned, dear reader, that Joe Handsome is an actuarial?)
Neck and neck, or more accurately, tire and tire, Kaz and Guy jumped from their bikes at the dismount marker. Now was the time for the 13.1 mile run, and run they did. Pacing each other. Eying each other with an masculine intensity that allowed neither to see as caltrops were cast on the roadway, only to be blown aside by a stiff wind that blew by all the runners.
Footfall for footfall they neared the finish, there Guy threw his kick in. That last dreg of energy that he pulled up from deep in his soul. But envy and avarice were the fire in Kaz's pace...
They were across the finish line.
“Second!” Guy was told by his brother, and he was pleased by that and crest fallen at the same time... except...
“Third?” They heard Kaz ask, his voice winded, yet still managing to be petulant.
That was when Joe pointed to the man. “They say his name is Tony Stark, and he came in like bloody Mercury!” Joe added, “he was a late entry.”
Tony was mugging for the camera, and then said, “Liz? Right?” To the sultry photographer.
“Yes, Mr. Stark” Liz replied, suddenly finding herself dipped and kissed by the winner, who wasn't even winded.
Guy fell onto the grass and decided to hyperventilate for a while.
Kaz decided to go shark hunting the next day.
Pele and Kauhuhu decided to be big about it and were doing the bump together to the sound of the hula.
Liz decided that she had the best job in the world.
Tony decided he was God's Gift to it.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
Guest Star: Jamie Bamber as Kaz Kaiser, Fozzy Bear as Waka, Henry Cho as Mo-o, and Robin Williams as Kauhuhu
Introducing: Persephone as Liz
7:00 am, sharp, the starting gun fired. Athletes from all over the world ran along Hapuna Beach and dove into the water. Many had ergonometric neoprene suits, but just as many, like Guy Handsome had bare chests. (Yay!)
Initially Kauhuhu wanted to have done with Guy Handsome at this first go round of the race. He figured, a well placed shark and one bite, bye-bye Guy. But that initial vision was flawed, as the mighty Waka had pointed out to him, demonstrating this by devouring not just his chicken at dinner the night before, but every chicken he could see. Yes, a lone shark would perhaps hit the wrong swimmer, and a school of sharks might cause the race to be called off all together!
Kaz Kaiser drafted off of Guy Handsome. He had almost worn an expensive neoprene wet suit, but a comment by one of the very toothsome women he had overheard several days ago had changed his mind. It had been about real Olympians, the kinds that the gods of old had favored, and how they had performed in the nude. Well, the rules prohibited nude, as did the bike riding and the subsequent chafing... not to mention bouncing and flailing of certain of his... attributes. So, shirtlessly he powered through the waters of Hawaii and secretly wondered why a shark wasn't eating his foe!
As the swim took place Mo-o was in position to sabotage the bicycle which Guy Handsome was to use. His wrench was about to descend when Waka stayed his hand and pointed to the decal on the hot pink Fuji. “Yikes!” Mo-o said. “A Hammerhead!” Waka nodded and wagged his finger in the classic, “no no no” gesture and said, “waka-waka!”
Mo-o ran to Kauhuhu who was eating a hot dog, ogling some wahines and paying no attention to the race whatsoever. “Mighty Kauhuhu!” He said.
Kauhuhu shushed his minion until he finished the dog.
Cut to commercial: Get the perspective! http://www.wix.com/illuminantphoto/illuminantperspectives Yes, Illuminant Perspectives. Fine photography for your walls and you mind. Owner operated. Buy some art and be illuminated!
“Our human is doing second best, see? We really have to help it.” Kauhuhu said, not looking at the race in favor of some hula dancers and a voluptuous shave ice vendor.
“Great One! Is there any circumstance under which we would cause harm to the vehicle of a Hammerhead?”
Kauhuhu, who liked a puzzle every now and again, and who was starting to go over to hula with the ladies, thought this out carefully and then replied, “Yes, if we needed to save that person's life.”
The swimmers, after a mile point two, exited the water at a trot. They had to cross the timing mats and run to the designated Mounting Area. Kaz Kaiser was on his composite, high tech, street mean bike seconds! whole seconds! before our hero, Guy Handsome. “Move it, move, move!” Joe shouted at his brother.
And off they all went.
Salt water was the next ploy! At each of the timing sections, Mo-o and Waka spiked the cup they thought Guy was must likely to drink with ocean water. Which might have worked if Joe wasn't at every station handing his brother a cup, only after sipping it for purity. (Have we mentioned, dear reader, that Joe Handsome is an actuarial?)
Neck and neck, or more accurately, tire and tire, Kaz and Guy jumped from their bikes at the dismount marker. Now was the time for the 13.1 mile run, and run they did. Pacing each other. Eying each other with an masculine intensity that allowed neither to see as caltrops were cast on the roadway, only to be blown aside by a stiff wind that blew by all the runners.
Footfall for footfall they neared the finish, there Guy threw his kick in. That last dreg of energy that he pulled up from deep in his soul. But envy and avarice were the fire in Kaz's pace...
They were across the finish line.
“Second!” Guy was told by his brother, and he was pleased by that and crest fallen at the same time... except...
“Third?” They heard Kaz ask, his voice winded, yet still managing to be petulant.
That was when Joe pointed to the man. “They say his name is Tony Stark, and he came in like bloody Mercury!” Joe added, “he was a late entry.”
Tony was mugging for the camera, and then said, “Liz? Right?” To the sultry photographer.
“Yes, Mr. Stark” Liz replied, suddenly finding herself dipped and kissed by the winner, who wasn't even winded.
Guy fell onto the grass and decided to hyperventilate for a while.
Kaz decided to go shark hunting the next day.
Pele and Kauhuhu decided to be big about it and were doing the bump together to the sound of the hula.
Liz decided that she had the best job in the world.
Tony decided he was God's Gift to it.
Author's Note: Tony Stark is the property of Marvel Comics and the Mighty Stan Lee. *Waves to her Generalissomo* Your Brigadier loves you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)