Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Bob Hoskins
Things were never slow in the pedicab trade, at least not for the Handsome brothers, Joe and Guy. They had a never ending female clientele as well as the odd family, gay guys, and on this particular day...
Guy ran up to a smallish man who was wrestling several large bags and a green spiked collar meant maybe for a dog the size of Clifford. “Here, let me help you with that.”
“Thanks, buddy.” The man was stout, and beginning to show a certain amount of pattern balding. He was dressed, quite surprisingly in a green toga, which was hiked up to show very loud yellow red and green plaid shorts and huarachi sandals with white tube socks.
Joe, who was deep into his actuarial tables saw and heard nothing until the man settled into his pedicab.
All the bags were deposited into Guy's pedicab, but the man saw Joe's screen just as he closed it and said, “an insurance man!”
So he introduced himself as Lee Berto. His small company was also an insurance and investment counseling place, called Liberty, on account, he explained that his goal was to free people from worry about death, dismemberment and retiring on a dog food diet.
“Yes, if you consider the payments as an annuity over the years...” Joe began to agree.
Here, Guy interrupted. “What is with the toga and the pycopay dog collar?”
Cut to commercial: Steampunk. *images of Vernesque mechanizations and happy, albeit mad, scientists in rose colored goggles.
“Oh, that.” Lee laughed, “this is my statue of Liberty costume!” He explained that he intended to spend the day in costume, waving at all passers by in order to bolster business.
“No offense,” Joe remarked casting a long and contemplative look over his shoulder at his passenger, “but people really want an insurance broker to seem serious... maybe even dour.”
“Not here.” Lee Berto countered, “this is Paradise. In Paradise people like a bloke with a sense of humor.”
“But the Statue of Liberty is a tall stout woman.” Guy just had to put that out there.
“I could stand outside with maybe just the tiara and torch and you could actually look like you to speak to customers.” Joe offered before his occipital lobe and his frontal cortex could synchronize. (He just loved being in Insurance.)
“You are a pair of righteous Dudes.” Lee Berto remarked. “Would you?”
And so, for the rest of the day, Joe did just that. Standing out in front of the sign that proclaimed, Liberty from Fear of Death, Dismemberment or Retirement on the Dog Food Menu Plan.
Guy wondered how he ended up involved, but since he was, he undertook to entertain the children of the mostly female clientèle who dropped in, with games of freeze tag, and red rover, as their Moms spoke to Lee Berto, and most of their Moms chatted up his brother and himself as well. Especially the single ones.
Pele laughed. It never ceased to amuse her that neither Guy nor Joe Handsome could figure out why so many women flocked around them. “Goofballs.” She whispered to you all, dear audience.
Our next Episode: Katty on a hot tin Roof.
25 March, 2011
24 March, 2011
Tonight's Episode: She-Who-Shapes-The-Sacred-Land
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Stars: Kaliponi Hula Company
Handsome brothers in hammocks sway; Ukuleles begin to play,
Pretty Pele begins to comb her dark black hair in her vaulted home.
Pahula platform is set in groves where flowering trees are met
By dancers stout and dancer lean, who as in ancient times are seen.
Like the flowing of each tress, Pele's fire can't suppress
Streaming flows the living land, birth and death both hand in hand.
The story flows from foot and drum, fire wand and finger strum.
Ancient tales of loss and love, and magma flowing from above.
Like Pele's tresses to the sea, the land is restless, so is she.
She who shapes the sacred land, with fiery wit and gentle hand.
When others of her divine ilk have gone to rest on beds of silk,
When others, tired, and unseen, still she toils, this Island Queen.
When others faded like legends lost, she puts forth her best and most.
When others skulk like a shade, Pele refuses to bow and fade.
She sits in her mountain home and heat rises on molten foam
She hums a hula melody as liquid rock floes singe the sea.
The changing Island never rests as the mountain's growing crests
Glowing fissures and pitch black ground, devour slowly all around.
Yet, like lovers often do, passions heat will renew
Fertile flowering land and earth, Pele's anger gives rebirth.
Come see my caldera she'll invite, but bring libation or I'll bite.
Come worship beauty on my slope, and look on me with fear and hope.
Upon my shoulders come and dance;draw my dark and smoldering glance.
Remind me, ancient though I be, that people still come to honor me.
She rises groomed, dons her gown, the lava ceases streaming down.
Her lissome limbs her unshod feet, Step upon a mortal street
Her eyes they glisten as they look, as she sighed the Islands shook.
The cursed in their hammocks sway, and Pele loves it just that way.
She loves the new just as the old, she loves beauty when it is bold
She is capricious, gracious, grand surveying changing living land.
A kiss she plants upon each cheek, and shushes all who might speak
The brothers sleep, unaware of what's in store for the pair.
Pele summons her bearers then, to bring forth her pretty palanquin,
“Bear me forth in quiet hush, for works afoot and I must rush.”
Our next episode: Lee Berto.
Guest Stars: Kaliponi Hula Company
Handsome brothers in hammocks sway; Ukuleles begin to play,
Pretty Pele begins to comb her dark black hair in her vaulted home.
Pahula platform is set in groves where flowering trees are met
By dancers stout and dancer lean, who as in ancient times are seen.
Like the flowing of each tress, Pele's fire can't suppress
Streaming flows the living land, birth and death both hand in hand.
The story flows from foot and drum, fire wand and finger strum.
Ancient tales of loss and love, and magma flowing from above.
Like Pele's tresses to the sea, the land is restless, so is she.
She who shapes the sacred land, with fiery wit and gentle hand.
When others of her divine ilk have gone to rest on beds of silk,
When others, tired, and unseen, still she toils, this Island Queen.
When others faded like legends lost, she puts forth her best and most.
When others skulk like a shade, Pele refuses to bow and fade.
She sits in her mountain home and heat rises on molten foam
She hums a hula melody as liquid rock floes singe the sea.
The changing Island never rests as the mountain's growing crests
Glowing fissures and pitch black ground, devour slowly all around.
Yet, like lovers often do, passions heat will renew
Fertile flowering land and earth, Pele's anger gives rebirth.
Come see my caldera she'll invite, but bring libation or I'll bite.
Come worship beauty on my slope, and look on me with fear and hope.
Upon my shoulders come and dance;draw my dark and smoldering glance.
Remind me, ancient though I be, that people still come to honor me.
She rises groomed, dons her gown, the lava ceases streaming down.
Her lissome limbs her unshod feet, Step upon a mortal street
Her eyes they glisten as they look, as she sighed the Islands shook.
The cursed in their hammocks sway, and Pele loves it just that way.
She loves the new just as the old, she loves beauty when it is bold
She is capricious, gracious, grand surveying changing living land.
A kiss she plants upon each cheek, and shushes all who might speak
The brothers sleep, unaware of what's in store for the pair.
Pele summons her bearers then, to bring forth her pretty palanquin,
“Bear me forth in quiet hush, for works afoot and I must rush.”
Our next episode: Lee Berto.
22 March, 2011
Tonight's Episode: “Pele loves Palindromes”
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest stars: Orlando Bloom, America Ferrera, Seth Green, Ashton Kutcher, Jasika Nicole and Jewel Stait
“Dammit, I'm mad!” Pele vented.
Of her bearers, ten dip a rapid net. Now she has fish to serve! So many dynamos.
She sets the Gateman's nametag.
Guy and Joe come and are impressed into tending bar and waiting.
“I prefer pi.” Joe confides to his brother.
“ Yo! Banana boy!” Pele calls to Guy. She wishes to know of the fruit salad.
“ No lemons, no melon.” Guy calls back to the goddess.
The guests begin to arrive.
Ed calls out: “All erotic, I lose lame female solicitor Ella.”
Al lets Della call Ed, Stella.
Betty delights in fresh caught fish! “Doc, note, I dissent, A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.”
"Bed stress!" asserts Deb. “Deny me not; atone, my Ned.”
Joe to Guy confides: “ Red rum, sir, is murder.”
“Party Boobytrap!” Guy agrees.
Cut to commercial: Fringe. A show for peeps who like palindromes! Walternate? Peter and Re-Peter! Olivia and Fauxlivia!
Nate bit a Tibetan. He did, eh? “Tulsa nightlife: filth, gin, a slut.” Egad, an adage!
Poor Dan is in a droop. Evil olive. “Ed, I help pink nipple hide,” but Ed is on no side.
Giselle shouts: “Doom an evil deed, liven a mood. Egad! No bondage!”
Drab as a fool, as aloof as a bard, sh! Tom sees moths.
"Am I mad, eh?" Giselle sighed, "Am I, Ma?"
Pele rejoices! “Go hang a salami! I'm a lasagna hog!”
Guy and Joe hasted to comply. Heared sipping a sneaked snort, “Lager, sir, is regal.”
"Too hot to hoot. Top spot." Party hearty at Pele's palace of Palindromes.
Guest stars: Orlando Bloom, America Ferrera, Seth Green, Ashton Kutcher, Jasika Nicole and Jewel Stait
“Dammit, I'm mad!” Pele vented.
Of her bearers, ten dip a rapid net. Now she has fish to serve! So many dynamos.
She sets the Gateman's nametag.
Guy and Joe come and are impressed into tending bar and waiting.
“I prefer pi.” Joe confides to his brother.
“ Yo! Banana boy!” Pele calls to Guy. She wishes to know of the fruit salad.
“ No lemons, no melon.” Guy calls back to the goddess.
The guests begin to arrive.
Ed calls out: “All erotic, I lose lame female solicitor Ella.”
Al lets Della call Ed, Stella.
Betty delights in fresh caught fish! “Doc, note, I dissent, A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.”
"Bed stress!" asserts Deb. “Deny me not; atone, my Ned.”
Joe to Guy confides: “ Red rum, sir, is murder.”
“Party Boobytrap!” Guy agrees.
Cut to commercial: Fringe. A show for peeps who like palindromes! Walternate? Peter and Re-Peter! Olivia and Fauxlivia!
Nate bit a Tibetan. He did, eh? “Tulsa nightlife: filth, gin, a slut.” Egad, an adage!
Poor Dan is in a droop. Evil olive. “Ed, I help pink nipple hide,” but Ed is on no side.
Giselle shouts: “Doom an evil deed, liven a mood. Egad! No bondage!”
Drab as a fool, as aloof as a bard, sh! Tom sees moths.
"Am I mad, eh?" Giselle sighed, "Am I, Ma?"
Pele rejoices! “Go hang a salami! I'm a lasagna hog!”
Guy and Joe hasted to comply. Heared sipping a sneaked snort, “Lager, sir, is regal.”
"Too hot to hoot. Top spot." Party hearty at Pele's palace of Palindromes.
Tonight's Episode: “Hang Loose”
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele. Guest Starring: Johnny Depp
“Do we know a Thelonius Hang?” Guy asked his brother.
“Who?” Joe asked. He had not heard because of trimming a particularly painful hang nail.
“Someone hung this card on the door,” Guy tossed it to his brother,
“Do you suppose we should hang around and wait for him?” Joe asked, because the card was printed on a linen stock, which was heavy and spoke of someone with taste. Which, considering the fact that neither of them had given in to shirts today... “You didn't try to wear a shirt on today did you?”
“Hang that,” Guy replied. “Haven't even looked at a shirt.
So they decided to hang out and wait for their unexpected guest.
Thelonius Hang had heard of the Handsome brothers as two gentlemen who were hung for cash, and who could be depended on for odd jobs done well. If somewhat bizarrely. Oddly enough on his way to meet the fellows he had had several encounters with first, a smoking hot mama in a magma red sun dress that hung and clung as if by magic, and following that he managed to be in the wrong place at the right time to be showered by every sprinkler between his hotel and the Cottage Handsome.
Joe was banging on his escape key as his laptop had managed to hang up during a search for the name of their visitor.
Guy was messing about with a ukelele someone had thrown out near their Pedicabs, felt he was getting the hang of it. He stopped mid-strum as a man who had, just by the sight of him, to be Thelonius Hang.
His silk suit hanging with moisture stuck to his every contour. Thelonius offered a moist hand to the brothers, “you will have to forgive my appearance.” He grinned all his teeth at the shirtless duo. Had he been a cat, his form would have disappeared, leaving the smile hanging in the air.
Cut to Commercial: Hangers. We use them and abuse them, but do we ever take the time to appreciate them? Without them, our clothes would be creased, or we would all walk around with little peg lumps in the fabric from where they hung on hooks.
“Hang on,” Guy said, “let me get you a towel and something dry.” He returned with several shirts on hangers.
“Hang it all, I had wanted to make a better first impression on you both,” Thelonius stated. “I would like to hire you.”
And soon, Joe and Guy Handsome found themselves suspended from hang-glilders, snapping pictures of sails and rigging of every masted vessel they could see.
Hang, it seemed was no hanger on, but a hardware engineer whose pulleys held and hoisted half the canvas in the known world, but whose fear of heights put him at a disadvantage when he needed to see his hardware hung.
As he sat and sipped his amazingly rum free drink, the mysterious dark haired lady with the flowing couture hung over the railing behind his chair and said, “Mind if I hang out?”
"I would love that, but I will only be here until those hang gliders land." He pointed to the aerially hung Handsomes.
For the rest of the day he hung on her every word, since there turned out to be a heck of an updraft.
Pele wanted to make certain she found out if Hang was loose.
Our next episode: Pele loves Palindromes
“Do we know a Thelonius Hang?” Guy asked his brother.
“Who?” Joe asked. He had not heard because of trimming a particularly painful hang nail.
“Someone hung this card on the door,” Guy tossed it to his brother,
“Do you suppose we should hang around and wait for him?” Joe asked, because the card was printed on a linen stock, which was heavy and spoke of someone with taste. Which, considering the fact that neither of them had given in to shirts today... “You didn't try to wear a shirt on today did you?”
“Hang that,” Guy replied. “Haven't even looked at a shirt.
So they decided to hang out and wait for their unexpected guest.
Thelonius Hang had heard of the Handsome brothers as two gentlemen who were hung for cash, and who could be depended on for odd jobs done well. If somewhat bizarrely. Oddly enough on his way to meet the fellows he had had several encounters with first, a smoking hot mama in a magma red sun dress that hung and clung as if by magic, and following that he managed to be in the wrong place at the right time to be showered by every sprinkler between his hotel and the Cottage Handsome.
Joe was banging on his escape key as his laptop had managed to hang up during a search for the name of their visitor.
Guy was messing about with a ukelele someone had thrown out near their Pedicabs, felt he was getting the hang of it. He stopped mid-strum as a man who had, just by the sight of him, to be Thelonius Hang.
His silk suit hanging with moisture stuck to his every contour. Thelonius offered a moist hand to the brothers, “you will have to forgive my appearance.” He grinned all his teeth at the shirtless duo. Had he been a cat, his form would have disappeared, leaving the smile hanging in the air.
Cut to Commercial: Hangers. We use them and abuse them, but do we ever take the time to appreciate them? Without them, our clothes would be creased, or we would all walk around with little peg lumps in the fabric from where they hung on hooks.
“Hang on,” Guy said, “let me get you a towel and something dry.” He returned with several shirts on hangers.
“Hang it all, I had wanted to make a better first impression on you both,” Thelonius stated. “I would like to hire you.”
And soon, Joe and Guy Handsome found themselves suspended from hang-glilders, snapping pictures of sails and rigging of every masted vessel they could see.
Hang, it seemed was no hanger on, but a hardware engineer whose pulleys held and hoisted half the canvas in the known world, but whose fear of heights put him at a disadvantage when he needed to see his hardware hung.
As he sat and sipped his amazingly rum free drink, the mysterious dark haired lady with the flowing couture hung over the railing behind his chair and said, “Mind if I hang out?”
"I would love that, but I will only be here until those hang gliders land." He pointed to the aerially hung Handsomes.
For the rest of the day he hung on her every word, since there turned out to be a heck of an updraft.
Pele wanted to make certain she found out if Hang was loose.
Our next episode: Pele loves Palindromes
21 March, 2011
Tonight's Episode: When Changes Comes.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Joe closed his laptop and sighed. “It shipped and they can't reroute it.” He sighed.
Guy was pacing. “Hey can't we go out and just buy one, then flip for who reads it first?”
“Maybe if the Pig had tipped.” Joe said. “But no, we need to eat if we are going to work, and we need to pay rent, and oh yeah, we need electrical and water...”
“How long was the waiting list at the library?” Guy asked again, as if invoking the number could make it shrink.
“It would be easier getting tickets to Lion King, On Broadway, in New York City.” Joe relied, thinking to put it in less concrete terms for his brother.
It was only because of their domiciliary's proximity to that of the Madams Soo that our Handsome Brothers didn't indulge themselves in a volley of obscenities. That and Guy had worked in Elementary Schools for so long that he found cussing to be a near impossible act anymore.
As they left their small but totally cool home to go to work, the brothers slathered on sunblock, and waved to the Madams Soo, who were, by some coincidence, always on the back porch when the brothers were buttering up for a day of pedaling tourists all over.
Today was no exception; however, both sisters were peering over a hardcover copy of Changes by Jim Butcher.
Guttural noises of dismay broke from brotherly lips as they rode to the cab stand. There, four of their fellow pedicabbies were lounging, waiting for fares and reading Changes, by Jim Butcher. Two other had earbuds in. The Brothers didn't feel the need to ask.
Cut to commercial: Changes by Jim Butcher http://www.jim-butcher.com/store/ just get it and read it.
Pele spent the day with her nose in a book, the title of which we will leave it to our readers to guess. If the brother's had put on hair shirts and lederhosen she would not have noticed, let alone a shirt!
“This is killing me!” Guy lamented, his words plaintive and sincere.
“Hey, I was thinking...” Joe cut off his comment.
“A dangerous pastime.” Guy responded.
“I know.”
The brothers still managed to get a laugh out of that, despite their need of an Urban Horror fantasy fix.
Joe continued, “we are pretty lucky guys, actually.”
“True, but how so in particular?” Guys responded.
“We could have been cursed to never read our favorite author again!” The very thought of which cause the brothers to shudder in unison.
Our next episode: Hang Loose.
Author’s note: This was first written when the hard cover of Changes by Jim Butcher first came out. Now the book is out in paper back. It has been on the NYTimes best seller list for at least two weeks. If you haven’t read Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series of books? Start now! You won’t regret it.
Joe closed his laptop and sighed. “It shipped and they can't reroute it.” He sighed.
Guy was pacing. “Hey can't we go out and just buy one, then flip for who reads it first?”
“Maybe if the Pig had tipped.” Joe said. “But no, we need to eat if we are going to work, and we need to pay rent, and oh yeah, we need electrical and water...”
“How long was the waiting list at the library?” Guy asked again, as if invoking the number could make it shrink.
“It would be easier getting tickets to Lion King, On Broadway, in New York City.” Joe relied, thinking to put it in less concrete terms for his brother.
It was only because of their domiciliary's proximity to that of the Madams Soo that our Handsome Brothers didn't indulge themselves in a volley of obscenities. That and Guy had worked in Elementary Schools for so long that he found cussing to be a near impossible act anymore.
As they left their small but totally cool home to go to work, the brothers slathered on sunblock, and waved to the Madams Soo, who were, by some coincidence, always on the back porch when the brothers were buttering up for a day of pedaling tourists all over.
Today was no exception; however, both sisters were peering over a hardcover copy of Changes by Jim Butcher.
Guttural noises of dismay broke from brotherly lips as they rode to the cab stand. There, four of their fellow pedicabbies were lounging, waiting for fares and reading Changes, by Jim Butcher. Two other had earbuds in. The Brothers didn't feel the need to ask.
Cut to commercial: Changes by Jim Butcher http://www.jim-butcher.com/store/ just get it and read it.
Pele spent the day with her nose in a book, the title of which we will leave it to our readers to guess. If the brother's had put on hair shirts and lederhosen she would not have noticed, let alone a shirt!
“This is killing me!” Guy lamented, his words plaintive and sincere.
“Hey, I was thinking...” Joe cut off his comment.
“A dangerous pastime.” Guy responded.
“I know.”
The brothers still managed to get a laugh out of that, despite their need of an Urban Horror fantasy fix.
Joe continued, “we are pretty lucky guys, actually.”
“True, but how so in particular?” Guys responded.
“We could have been cursed to never read our favorite author again!” The very thought of which cause the brothers to shudder in unison.
Our next episode: Hang Loose.
Author’s note: This was first written when the hard cover of Changes by Jim Butcher first came out. Now the book is out in paper back. It has been on the NYTimes best seller list for at least two weeks. If you haven’t read Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series of books? Start now! You won’t regret it.
20 March, 2011
Tonight's Episode: “Good Eggs”
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele. Truly Special Guest Starlet: Miss Piggy. With Shecky and Waldorf.
Someone had taken the magma red sign which said: 'Reserved Parking Pele Only' and had slipped a lavender silk bag over it which read, “Reserved Parking Pour Moi” instead. This made Pele narrow her eyes. The Palanquin in the space was also mostly lavender, with touches of pink rosettes and lace and some draped ropes of pearls.
“Uh oh.” Guy said to his brother, “looks like the Pig's goose is cooked.”
Joe was busy decorating his pedicab to make it suitable for the VIP client that had hired them both for a photo shoot and tour. She was actually really grabby, but at least she always wore lavender satin gloves, so it wasn't too, too bad. “Hopefully? Not before we get paid.”
Yes, this time Joe had put on a shirt. He had to. He had a video conference with his bosses and some clients back in Chicago, and they would not have understood him “going native” on them. Which was why His was the taxi getting the make-over.
Cut to commercial: Today's show is brought to you by the Coalition to explain that Brown and White Eggs Are The Same. BAWEATS reminds you: Shell color is not an indication of nutritional content. Aracana chicken actually lay turquoise eggs, and they are still chicken eggs as well.
“Ahem.” Pele said to the lavender clad porcine princess who exited the hotel just then.
“Ohhh!” Said the Piggy. “What pretty pretty Palanquin bearers vous have.” She batted her eyes. “And Red is SO your color.”
Pele found herself nonplussed, which didn't often happen. “Why, thank you,” She said.
“Alas pour moi,” Piggy continued, “I could not bring my usual bearers. It seems the Aloha State is nervous about foreign froggies!” She gestured toward the fantastically studly bearers taking the place of her standard crew, managing to toss her ample blond locks as she did so. “These... are... ad-eeee-quate.”
An old man and his nephew Shecky from New Jersey were sitting, eating and watching the conversation. The elder gentleman said, “Ha ha ha, adequate? She needs the whole WWF to carry that litter.”
“WWF?” Shecky said, “Uncle Waldorf, the World Wrestling Entertainment is now called WWE.”
“Ha ha ha.” Said the Uncle, “no, I meant the WWF – She need the World Winching Federation to lift her up!”
“The other one is hot though.” The nephew, Shecky from New Jersey sighed. “Smokin’ hot.”
Just then Guy had to run over with a fire extinguisher to douse the pig's floaty scarf, which Pele had ignited when it blew in her face.
“You have saved moi!” Miss Piggy said, falling into Guy Handsome's manly arms and kissing him. “I just loooooove Haaaaandsome BROTH-ers.” She cooed.
"First time I've seen a shirtless guy cure a pig from becoming a smoked sausage." Shecky commented to his Uncle, who replied: "Ha ha ha!"
Joe made himself look even busier decorating.
Soon the Handsome brothers pedaled away with Miss Piggy enjoying the breeze in Joe’s cab. Tossing her hair and breathing out murmurs of, “faster, faster pour moi!”
The nephew, Shecky from New Jersey, said, “Those guys must be Good Eggs.”
“Ha ha ha,” the Uncle chortled, then in unison they said: “They'd have to be very Good Eggs to manage go with so much HAM.”
Our next episode: When Changes Comes.
Someone had taken the magma red sign which said: 'Reserved Parking Pele Only' and had slipped a lavender silk bag over it which read, “Reserved Parking Pour Moi” instead. This made Pele narrow her eyes. The Palanquin in the space was also mostly lavender, with touches of pink rosettes and lace and some draped ropes of pearls.
“Uh oh.” Guy said to his brother, “looks like the Pig's goose is cooked.”
Joe was busy decorating his pedicab to make it suitable for the VIP client that had hired them both for a photo shoot and tour. She was actually really grabby, but at least she always wore lavender satin gloves, so it wasn't too, too bad. “Hopefully? Not before we get paid.”
Yes, this time Joe had put on a shirt. He had to. He had a video conference with his bosses and some clients back in Chicago, and they would not have understood him “going native” on them. Which was why His was the taxi getting the make-over.
Cut to commercial: Today's show is brought to you by the Coalition to explain that Brown and White Eggs Are The Same. BAWEATS reminds you: Shell color is not an indication of nutritional content. Aracana chicken actually lay turquoise eggs, and they are still chicken eggs as well.
“Ahem.” Pele said to the lavender clad porcine princess who exited the hotel just then.
“Ohhh!” Said the Piggy. “What pretty pretty Palanquin bearers vous have.” She batted her eyes. “And Red is SO your color.”
Pele found herself nonplussed, which didn't often happen. “Why, thank you,” She said.
“Alas pour moi,” Piggy continued, “I could not bring my usual bearers. It seems the Aloha State is nervous about foreign froggies!” She gestured toward the fantastically studly bearers taking the place of her standard crew, managing to toss her ample blond locks as she did so. “These... are... ad-eeee-quate.”
An old man and his nephew Shecky from New Jersey were sitting, eating and watching the conversation. The elder gentleman said, “Ha ha ha, adequate? She needs the whole WWF to carry that litter.”
“WWF?” Shecky said, “Uncle Waldorf, the World Wrestling Entertainment is now called WWE.”
“Ha ha ha.” Said the Uncle, “no, I meant the WWF – She need the World Winching Federation to lift her up!”
“The other one is hot though.” The nephew, Shecky from New Jersey sighed. “Smokin’ hot.”
Just then Guy had to run over with a fire extinguisher to douse the pig's floaty scarf, which Pele had ignited when it blew in her face.
“You have saved moi!” Miss Piggy said, falling into Guy Handsome's manly arms and kissing him. “I just loooooove Haaaaandsome BROTH-ers.” She cooed.
"First time I've seen a shirtless guy cure a pig from becoming a smoked sausage." Shecky commented to his Uncle, who replied: "Ha ha ha!"
Joe made himself look even busier decorating.
Soon the Handsome brothers pedaled away with Miss Piggy enjoying the breeze in Joe’s cab. Tossing her hair and breathing out murmurs of, “faster, faster pour moi!”
The nephew, Shecky from New Jersey, said, “Those guys must be Good Eggs.”
“Ha ha ha,” the Uncle chortled, then in unison they said: “They'd have to be very Good Eggs to manage go with so much HAM.”
Our next episode: When Changes Comes.
19 March, 2011
Tonight's Episode: “Applause”
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele. Guest Star: Debbie Reynolds
“Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than by a shark attack?” Joe said to his brother as they waded in the early morning surf. He had enjoyed invoking shark images for his brother whenever they were in water ever since they had both been terrified by Jaws as kids.
Guy watched the surf and elbowed his brother “accidentally” then asked, “So why isn't there a When Coconuts Attack on the Fox network, or Coconut Week on Discovery then?” He pitched his nerf football to his brother, aiming carefully to bean him.
But Joe was already so distracted that he didn't even notice the chartreuse and cyan football careening off his cranium.
A Nun was running down the beach being pursued by ten or fifteen applauding people. “Did you put a shirt on today?” He accused his brother.
Guy walked up to watch the scene and hung his head in shame, “it was Hilfiger.”
Off to their left a Great White Shark crested and devoured the nerf football. (It had thought that it looked rather like Dory, from Finding Nemo and might be a short cut to fame.) If sharks could talk it would have shouted “Air Jaws!” at the zenith of it's leap. On the beach, Pele held up a card with 6.5 written on it in magma red. Too bad the shark didn't have it's eyes opened.
The Handsome brothers ran toward the Nun and each grabbed her by an elbow, then lifting her slightly Rubenesque form between themselves, helped her escape pursuit.
When she was safely in their beach cottage she drew a deep breath and said, “thank you. That was a close one!”
Cut to Commercial: RPGs – no, not rocket propelled grenades, Role Playing Games! What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon with friends. Imagination, socialization and co-operation. Try it!
“You may call me Sister Luc. I am in a predicament because I made a huge mistake in the sixties. Well, didn't everyone?” She fumbled with her scapular. “I had a music career.”
Guy and Joe looked politely blank.
“I prayed for success, which was probably a sin of pride, but worse, I prayed that Debbie Reynolds would be cast as me in the movie!” She leaned toward the exceptionally handsome gentlemen. As a Nun, it was quite possible that she had not ever seen such magnificent pecs.
“That Flying Nun?” Joe asked, reaching into the depths of his recall. (He could however recite Pi to two hundred and fifty places.)
“No, wrong ocean.” Guy whispered to his brother.
“Besides,” Sister Luc sighed, “I had Ricardo Montalban in my movie. That show had to settle for Fernando Lamas.”
She rose and peeked nervously though the jalousie window. “Every time I am in public, I am besieged by fans, and regaled with applause.” She smiled gratefully as Guy handed her a glass of juice. “I had to move out of L.A. The convent got no respite, especially when that girl from the Lucas film started showing up following me around and calling me Mom. They sent me here.”
“We have lots of shirts we can't use any more. We can use them to disguise you, and get you back to the convent by pedicab.” Joe assured her.
And he recited pi for her as they did.
Our next episode: “Good Eggs”
“Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than by a shark attack?” Joe said to his brother as they waded in the early morning surf. He had enjoyed invoking shark images for his brother whenever they were in water ever since they had both been terrified by Jaws as kids.
Guy watched the surf and elbowed his brother “accidentally” then asked, “So why isn't there a When Coconuts Attack on the Fox network, or Coconut Week on Discovery then?” He pitched his nerf football to his brother, aiming carefully to bean him.
But Joe was already so distracted that he didn't even notice the chartreuse and cyan football careening off his cranium.
A Nun was running down the beach being pursued by ten or fifteen applauding people. “Did you put a shirt on today?” He accused his brother.
Guy walked up to watch the scene and hung his head in shame, “it was Hilfiger.”
Off to their left a Great White Shark crested and devoured the nerf football. (It had thought that it looked rather like Dory, from Finding Nemo and might be a short cut to fame.) If sharks could talk it would have shouted “Air Jaws!” at the zenith of it's leap. On the beach, Pele held up a card with 6.5 written on it in magma red. Too bad the shark didn't have it's eyes opened.
The Handsome brothers ran toward the Nun and each grabbed her by an elbow, then lifting her slightly Rubenesque form between themselves, helped her escape pursuit.
When she was safely in their beach cottage she drew a deep breath and said, “thank you. That was a close one!”
Cut to Commercial: RPGs – no, not rocket propelled grenades, Role Playing Games! What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon with friends. Imagination, socialization and co-operation. Try it!
“You may call me Sister Luc. I am in a predicament because I made a huge mistake in the sixties. Well, didn't everyone?” She fumbled with her scapular. “I had a music career.”
Guy and Joe looked politely blank.
“I prayed for success, which was probably a sin of pride, but worse, I prayed that Debbie Reynolds would be cast as me in the movie!” She leaned toward the exceptionally handsome gentlemen. As a Nun, it was quite possible that she had not ever seen such magnificent pecs.
“That Flying Nun?” Joe asked, reaching into the depths of his recall. (He could however recite Pi to two hundred and fifty places.)
“No, wrong ocean.” Guy whispered to his brother.
“Besides,” Sister Luc sighed, “I had Ricardo Montalban in my movie. That show had to settle for Fernando Lamas.”
She rose and peeked nervously though the jalousie window. “Every time I am in public, I am besieged by fans, and regaled with applause.” She smiled gratefully as Guy handed her a glass of juice. “I had to move out of L.A. The convent got no respite, especially when that girl from the Lucas film started showing up following me around and calling me Mom. They sent me here.”
“We have lots of shirts we can't use any more. We can use them to disguise you, and get you back to the convent by pedicab.” Joe assured her.
And he recited pi for her as they did.
Our next episode: “Good Eggs”
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