Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Songs: Wish You Were Here, by Eddie Fisher – Wish You Were Here, by Pink Floyd
(For best effect start these two you tubes simultaneously in different tabs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPm4GH3UUC8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8mo2qXJnbY Watch the Pink Floyd screen unless you are reading!)
Guy picked up his ukulele and leaned back against a tree, and began to play as Joe lifted the post card and read it to Pele.
“As you read this card,” Joe read aloud, “I am tending to my horses, who must stay inside their large barn due to the passions of my most beautiful wife.”
Pele sighed, and declared, “he is the most romantic being on Earth.”
Guy change the strumming to Wish You Were Here. Joe began to hum the old tune, a favorite of his grandparents.
“They're not making the skies as blue this year - wish you were here...” He paused and read a little further, “how I miss her beautiful eyes looking into mine, dark like the blackest pahoehoe, warm as the air swept form the caldera.”
Pele nodded, missing his, blue as the skies, eyes as well. “Yesss.” She swayed to the tune.
“As blue as they used to when you were near - wish you were here” Joe sang, “and the mornings don't seem as new, Brand-new as they did with you..”
Guy joined in on the chorus, “Wish you were here, wish you were here, wish you were here.”
Cut to commercial: Fitzwilliam Darcy Rock Star, by Heather Lynn Rigaud (whom I have known since she was fourteen! Congratulations Heather!) http://www.amazon.com/Fitzwilliam-Darcy-Rock-Heather-Rigaud/dp/1402257813/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315402475&sr=1-1
Pele looked at the stars above, “ They're not shining the stars as bright, they've stolen the joy from the night...” Then she dissolved in to ash on the ocean breeze, and disappeared.
Guy looked at Joe and said, “wow, well done, brother o'mine.” There was a fist bump.
“Mostly, I just really read what he wrote. He can print really small!” Joe pointed out.
Guy put his ukulele aside and peeked at the post card. “Wow, yeah.” He furrowed his brow.
Joe got a pencil and started to decode the cypher. As he worked, Guy grabbed the ukulele again and began a different tune.
“So, do you think she can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain? Can tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?” He posed.
Joe waved at him to be quiet impatiently. Then announced, “he's in!”
Guy nodded and smiled. “Nice stamp,” He observed.
“Yep, that one is a keeper.” Joe agreed.
07 September, 2011
30 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Memorable Moments
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe danced from the mailbox to the beach chairs. “Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!”
“Who?” Guy asked. Just so he could hear his brother say the name again, mind you.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe repeated.
“Who?” Guy asked.
Joe almost fell for it, but then tossed the card to Guy, sort of like a rectangular Frisbee, instead.
Guy almost caught the card, but a gush of upwelling hot air carried it away from him. His eyes got big as Pele walked up to have the dancing card land neatly in her grasp. “Good evening!” He said.
Joe fell off of his beach chair.
“Howdy, boys.” Pele said, “got a letter from my man, I see!” Her feet were making little glass footprints in the sand, that hissed and steamed as the waves lapped over them.
“We could get a bundle for those on e-bay, I'll bet,” Joe whispered to Guy.
Guy nodded, hoping that they would live long enough to, because in the dying light he could see Pele's eyes burning a warm magma orange. “ 'Evening, Ma'am.”
“So what makes you so happy about a post card from my spouse?” Pele asked. She happened, at the moment to be very lonely for him, and hence had been sensitive to the invocation of his name.
Now, you, dear reader, have probably figured out by this juncture that neither Joe nor Guy Handsome was an accomplished, or even a mediocre, liar. Even assuming that they were gifted in the realm of subterfuge, here they were in the present of the goddess Pele, when she was striding through the surf in a smoking hot molten gold Aguaclara Solid Knots monokini, making glass trivets with each step.
“Hmm?” She asked.
Cut to Commercial:
This episode is brought to you by Rainbow Edge, by Christine
http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC02708.jpg (This quilt is for sale!)
“Memorable moments.” Guy replied.
Joe nodded like a chihuahua on the shelf in the back window of a Tijuana Taxi.
“Memorable Moments?” Pele echoed. She came closer, suspecting subterfuge. Her single-mindedness when it came to one of her spouses was, well, legendary.
“Yeah, when you meet someone from another country, you ask them to send you a post card, and then... well, you make a scrap book of all the post cards.” Guy said, “see?”
Pele did not see, so she strode closer, obsidian footprints forming in her path.
“Excuse me, Ma'am.” Joe squeaked out, “That is really terrifying when you do that.”
Pele looked down and laughed, “oops.” She wiggled her toes and stopped throwing so much heat. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Guy got up and offered Pele his chair. “We collect post cards from all over. So many people say that they will mail you a post card, but so few people actually remember to.”
“Really?” Pele sat down.
“And then we collect the ones we get and we can make a book of memorable moments.” Joe concluded.
“Don't you collect things?” Guy asked.
Pele smiled and looked at her shirtless chotchkies. “Hrm, I suppose I do....” She smiled and handed the card back to Joe. It had a tiny smoldered brown outline of her fingers. “So what does he have to say?” She asked politely, sitting in Guy's chair.
Our next episode: Wish you were here.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe danced from the mailbox to the beach chairs. “Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!”
“Who?” Guy asked. Just so he could hear his brother say the name again, mind you.
“Ástríkur Veturliði! Ástríkur Veturliði!” Joe repeated.
“Who?” Guy asked.
Joe almost fell for it, but then tossed the card to Guy, sort of like a rectangular Frisbee, instead.
Guy almost caught the card, but a gush of upwelling hot air carried it away from him. His eyes got big as Pele walked up to have the dancing card land neatly in her grasp. “Good evening!” He said.
Joe fell off of his beach chair.
“Howdy, boys.” Pele said, “got a letter from my man, I see!” Her feet were making little glass footprints in the sand, that hissed and steamed as the waves lapped over them.
“We could get a bundle for those on e-bay, I'll bet,” Joe whispered to Guy.
Guy nodded, hoping that they would live long enough to, because in the dying light he could see Pele's eyes burning a warm magma orange. “ 'Evening, Ma'am.”
“So what makes you so happy about a post card from my spouse?” Pele asked. She happened, at the moment to be very lonely for him, and hence had been sensitive to the invocation of his name.
Now, you, dear reader, have probably figured out by this juncture that neither Joe nor Guy Handsome was an accomplished, or even a mediocre, liar. Even assuming that they were gifted in the realm of subterfuge, here they were in the present of the goddess Pele, when she was striding through the surf in a smoking hot molten gold Aguaclara Solid Knots monokini, making glass trivets with each step.
“Hmm?” She asked.
Cut to Commercial:
This episode is brought to you by Rainbow Edge, by Christine
http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg50/Marisol_29/Crafts/DSC02708.jpg (This quilt is for sale!)
“Memorable moments.” Guy replied.
Joe nodded like a chihuahua on the shelf in the back window of a Tijuana Taxi.
“Memorable Moments?” Pele echoed. She came closer, suspecting subterfuge. Her single-mindedness when it came to one of her spouses was, well, legendary.
“Yeah, when you meet someone from another country, you ask them to send you a post card, and then... well, you make a scrap book of all the post cards.” Guy said, “see?”
Pele did not see, so she strode closer, obsidian footprints forming in her path.
“Excuse me, Ma'am.” Joe squeaked out, “That is really terrifying when you do that.”
Pele looked down and laughed, “oops.” She wiggled her toes and stopped throwing so much heat. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Guy got up and offered Pele his chair. “We collect post cards from all over. So many people say that they will mail you a post card, but so few people actually remember to.”
“Really?” Pele sat down.
“And then we collect the ones we get and we can make a book of memorable moments.” Joe concluded.
“Don't you collect things?” Guy asked.
Pele smiled and looked at her shirtless chotchkies. “Hrm, I suppose I do....” She smiled and handed the card back to Joe. It had a tiny smoldered brown outline of her fingers. “So what does he have to say?” She asked politely, sitting in Guy's chair.
Our next episode: Wish you were here.
17 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Define: All right.
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Veronica sat in Joe's cab. Well, a Veronica sat in both their cabs twice, but Veronica sat in Joe's cab so that she could speak more easily to Guy as they rode along.
As in many relationships where one party likes someone well enough and the other party is totally smitten with the party of first part, Joe observed, the party of the first part managed to chat glibly and comprehensibly. The party of the second part mostly gibbered. Like an idiot. So much so that Joe, being the good brother he was dropped back and stopped to examine his chain. Just to give his brother time to recover some acumen.
Guy pulled to a halt as well, but needed to stay up ahead because it was bad form to make a loop with passengers, he did start to dismount and walk back toward his brother.
“Guy, right?” Veronica said stopping him.
“Yes, 'M,” Guy came to full halt and looked right at her. “I think my brother's cab slipped a chain,” He explained the hold up.
In the other cab, the one where Joe was fussing over nothing to give his brother time to re-oxygenate his brain, the Veronicas were going over things like itineraries on their iPods. “The Palace looks so beautiful,” Veronica said.
“It is beautiful, we were just there with our Uncle Howie.” Joe told them.
“Joe has it well in hand I am sure,” Veronica said. “So how long have you known Veronica?” Ah, there, she saw it. Yes, he had a very bad case.
“College, I was a freshman.” Guy replied simply, where he could have described everything she was wearing that first time he saw her. He could have described the song playing over the radio nearby. He could have written a sonnet about it. (Actually, he had not only written a sonnet about it, he had written two.)
Both the Veronicas in Guy's cab nodded to each other. It the one who had asked who inquired further, “and how long has she known you?”
“So how did the four of you end up with this gig?” Guy asked, because his brain worked better around these two Veronicas than it did around that one Veronica.
Cut to Commercial: Find out more about Alzheimer's by going here: http://www.alz.org/index.asp This is a terrible disease, stealing our loved ones from us long before their time.
“All of us have Grandparents with Alzheimer's, and all of us are named Veronica, like the song which is about a woman who has Alzheimer's,” Veronica explained.
“We decided that if we got together, and we used the song and played off of all that, people might take notice," The other Veronica said.
“And we want to bring awareness to the disease, which is really a lingering living death for the people who get it, and so hurtful to their relatives.”
“Does it run in families?” Guy asked solemnly.
Both of the Veronicas in his cab nodded. “Deterministic genes Still, no one knows yet why those cells which carry memories fail.”
“Can I do anything to help?” Guy asked, his own problems suddenly fading into the background.
“Have you ever worked a kissing booth?” Veronica asked.
“Or been auctioned off for charity?” The other Veronica asked.
“Uh, no...” Guy said, imagining Joe's reaction when he found out what he was about to get volunteered for.
Our next Episode: Memorable Moments.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Veronica sat in Joe's cab. Well, a Veronica sat in both their cabs twice, but Veronica sat in Joe's cab so that she could speak more easily to Guy as they rode along.
As in many relationships where one party likes someone well enough and the other party is totally smitten with the party of first part, Joe observed, the party of the first part managed to chat glibly and comprehensibly. The party of the second part mostly gibbered. Like an idiot. So much so that Joe, being the good brother he was dropped back and stopped to examine his chain. Just to give his brother time to recover some acumen.
Guy pulled to a halt as well, but needed to stay up ahead because it was bad form to make a loop with passengers, he did start to dismount and walk back toward his brother.
“Guy, right?” Veronica said stopping him.
“Yes, 'M,” Guy came to full halt and looked right at her. “I think my brother's cab slipped a chain,” He explained the hold up.
In the other cab, the one where Joe was fussing over nothing to give his brother time to re-oxygenate his brain, the Veronicas were going over things like itineraries on their iPods. “The Palace looks so beautiful,” Veronica said.
“It is beautiful, we were just there with our Uncle Howie.” Joe told them.
“Joe has it well in hand I am sure,” Veronica said. “So how long have you known Veronica?” Ah, there, she saw it. Yes, he had a very bad case.
“College, I was a freshman.” Guy replied simply, where he could have described everything she was wearing that first time he saw her. He could have described the song playing over the radio nearby. He could have written a sonnet about it. (Actually, he had not only written a sonnet about it, he had written two.)
Both the Veronicas in Guy's cab nodded to each other. It the one who had asked who inquired further, “and how long has she known you?”
“So how did the four of you end up with this gig?” Guy asked, because his brain worked better around these two Veronicas than it did around that one Veronica.
Cut to Commercial: Find out more about Alzheimer's by going here: http://www.alz.org/index.asp This is a terrible disease, stealing our loved ones from us long before their time.
“All of us have Grandparents with Alzheimer's, and all of us are named Veronica, like the song which is about a woman who has Alzheimer's,” Veronica explained.
“We decided that if we got together, and we used the song and played off of all that, people might take notice," The other Veronica said.
“And we want to bring awareness to the disease, which is really a lingering living death for the people who get it, and so hurtful to their relatives.”
“Does it run in families?” Guy asked solemnly.
Both of the Veronicas in his cab nodded. “Deterministic genes Still, no one knows yet why those cells which carry memories fail.”
“Can I do anything to help?” Guy asked, his own problems suddenly fading into the background.
“Have you ever worked a kissing booth?” Veronica asked.
“Or been auctioned off for charity?” The other Veronica asked.
“Uh, no...” Guy said, imagining Joe's reaction when he found out what he was about to get volunteered for.
Our next Episode: Memorable Moments.
12 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Veronica
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Guy was shooting the breeze with the Big Man at his magazine stand, and Joe was flipping through his copy of The Actuary Magazine. (Actuaries liked that name for a magazine for actuaries.) Things were at a normal lull for a Sunday morning at the stand. People sleeping in, people at Church, people at breakfast. It was gorgeous out, the heat had not yet built and the humidity was low, and the trades were blowing in from the ocean, carrying with them hints of salt and surf that promised a day of such fun to anyone who was not working.
Of course, if you loved your work, like the Big Man, and Guy, and (to a lesser extent) Joe, it could be a good day, too.
And if a friend from home whom you hadn't seen since college suddenly showed up in your life again, you could parlay it into a great day.
Guy smelled a familiar scent, that sort of memory inducing odor that made you have to turn and look, and he did. He saw her back lit by the morning sun, her hair like dark honey and her dark eyes smiling, “Veronica?” He asked, breath caught.
Joe looked up from his magazine, because of his brother's tone of voice. An inflection that he had not heard since... “Veronica?” He looked up and saw her, and she was not alone.
Three other gorgeous women with her all said, “yes?”
But she said, “Guy? Joe!” She skipped gracefully across the sidewalk on her impossibly high heels and embraced Joe and then Guy, both of whom she kissed on each cheek.
Joe beamed, but Guy was suddenly all tongue tied, flush and didn’t seem to know what to do or say.
“Girls!” She called over her shoulder, using a term that she would have tasked any man who used it. “These are two old friends of mine. Guy and Joe Handsome!!” Then to Guy and Joe she said, “These are my co-workers, Veronica, Veronica and Veronica.” She grinned.
Cut to Commercial: Brought to you by, the Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html A fun place to eat, stay or especially to attend one of their many special events!
The women all offered hands, “Bridger,” said the first. “Gorsline,” said the second. “Spillane,” said the third.
“Pleasure,” said Guy, finding his voice, he shook each hand in turn.
“Real pleasure, “ said Joe, kissing the backs of each lady’s hand. “Would you ladies like a ride somewhere?” He motioned to his and Guy's Pedicabs.
“Oh!” Veronica said, “do you live here now?”
“Yes, well, for a little while anyway,” Guy managed. He glanced down at his chest to make certain that no one could see the beating of his heart, which he imagined to be loud enough to be heard by everyone around him.
“What are you doing here?” Joe asked, hoping the distract the Veronica's from Guy’s aberrant behavior.
“We are setting up the annual Alzheimer's Awareness Symposium.” Veronica said. “It is in Hawaii this year!” And she smiled.
The sun rose in Guy's heart with that smile, and he fell over.
All the Veronicas helped him to his feet. “Are you all right?” They asked.
Our next Episode: Define: All right.
Guest Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and Jessica Szohr as Veronica
Guy was shooting the breeze with the Big Man at his magazine stand, and Joe was flipping through his copy of The Actuary Magazine. (Actuaries liked that name for a magazine for actuaries.) Things were at a normal lull for a Sunday morning at the stand. People sleeping in, people at Church, people at breakfast. It was gorgeous out, the heat had not yet built and the humidity was low, and the trades were blowing in from the ocean, carrying with them hints of salt and surf that promised a day of such fun to anyone who was not working.
Of course, if you loved your work, like the Big Man, and Guy, and (to a lesser extent) Joe, it could be a good day, too.
And if a friend from home whom you hadn't seen since college suddenly showed up in your life again, you could parlay it into a great day.
Guy smelled a familiar scent, that sort of memory inducing odor that made you have to turn and look, and he did. He saw her back lit by the morning sun, her hair like dark honey and her dark eyes smiling, “Veronica?” He asked, breath caught.
Joe looked up from his magazine, because of his brother's tone of voice. An inflection that he had not heard since... “Veronica?” He looked up and saw her, and she was not alone.
Three other gorgeous women with her all said, “yes?”
But she said, “Guy? Joe!” She skipped gracefully across the sidewalk on her impossibly high heels and embraced Joe and then Guy, both of whom she kissed on each cheek.
Joe beamed, but Guy was suddenly all tongue tied, flush and didn’t seem to know what to do or say.
“Girls!” She called over her shoulder, using a term that she would have tasked any man who used it. “These are two old friends of mine. Guy and Joe Handsome!!” Then to Guy and Joe she said, “These are my co-workers, Veronica, Veronica and Veronica.” She grinned.
Cut to Commercial: Brought to you by, the Rhinecliff Hotel. http://www.therhinecliff.com/index.html A fun place to eat, stay or especially to attend one of their many special events!
The women all offered hands, “Bridger,” said the first. “Gorsline,” said the second. “Spillane,” said the third.
“Pleasure,” said Guy, finding his voice, he shook each hand in turn.
“Real pleasure, “ said Joe, kissing the backs of each lady’s hand. “Would you ladies like a ride somewhere?” He motioned to his and Guy's Pedicabs.
“Oh!” Veronica said, “do you live here now?”
“Yes, well, for a little while anyway,” Guy managed. He glanced down at his chest to make certain that no one could see the beating of his heart, which he imagined to be loud enough to be heard by everyone around him.
“What are you doing here?” Joe asked, hoping the distract the Veronica's from Guy’s aberrant behavior.
“We are setting up the annual Alzheimer's Awareness Symposium.” Veronica said. “It is in Hawaii this year!” And she smiled.
The sun rose in Guy's heart with that smile, and he fell over.
All the Veronicas helped him to his feet. “Are you all right?” They asked.
Our next Episode: Define: All right.
05 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Look around boys,” The Craggy Man said, “you aren't the first, and many others have tried to escape, but we all seem to end up back here.”
Joe and Guy did look around. Now that their eyes had adjusted to the hazy demi-light of the bar they could see a proliferation of shirtlessness and unbuttonedness, and even some meshness. “Great googally moogally.”
“Still, I like a challenge,” Nebuchadnezzar mused, massaging his strong jaw line with equally strong fingers. “Are you on a fixed deadline? Or would one of the festival days do? Better yet, are you all on good terms with the new husband? If we could get him to help distract her...”
Guy and Joe were in awe of the man's abilities to break down a problem as they devoured ribs, drank beers and discussed how best to get off the Island and back to Chicago.
“It doesn't have to be forever,” Joe admitted. “I mean it wouldn't be so bad to come back here, eventually. Maybe I can even get the office to open a branch here. Beach Actuary. It would suit a younger generation.”
“Plus you would get the female demographic,” Honey said in her thick, husky voice..
“Do you mind?” Nebuchadnezzar said to her, “we are scheming, here.”
“Who am I going to tell?” Honey asked, shrugging and moving away.
And if this was a different sort of story? Honey would have been a plant from Pele, set to spy upon her collection of hunks. But Pele actually didn't have anyone spying upon her favored ones. She kept no ledgers, she wasn't that sort of goddess.
Honey, truth be told, did not really believe in the common misconception held by the men who frequented Blick's Cafe, Novocaine that they were cursed by an Island goddess. She simple couldn't accept such things; however, she did enjoy the scenery. Lots.
Cut to Commercial: Tonight's Episode is brought to you Blood Hunt by Shannon K. Butcher. The latest in her Sentinel Wars series follows the incredibly gorgeous Logan. My goodness, can she tell a tale of hot, sweaty adventure!
“You boys get along really well, don't you?” Nebuchadnezzar didn't really mean it as a question, “It seems like to me...”
“Yeah, of course we get along well!” Guy blurted, “he's my brother. We're like best friends.”
“Of course we're best friends,” Joe exclaimed simultaneously, “we're brothers, it's natural to get along!”
The Craggy Man rolled his eyes. He sipped his beer to get some of the saccharine sweetness out of his mouth. Then he wiggled his mustache so the foam bubbles burst. “You fellows are un-be-lieve-able,” He said dryly.
Guy and Joe looked at each other. “We are?”
Resting his head on the back of his hands on the table, Nebuchadnezzar shook with silent laughter, “yes,” he said in conclusion, “I'll take Paypal.”
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Look around boys,” The Craggy Man said, “you aren't the first, and many others have tried to escape, but we all seem to end up back here.”
Joe and Guy did look around. Now that their eyes had adjusted to the hazy demi-light of the bar they could see a proliferation of shirtlessness and unbuttonedness, and even some meshness. “Great googally moogally.”
“Still, I like a challenge,” Nebuchadnezzar mused, massaging his strong jaw line with equally strong fingers. “Are you on a fixed deadline? Or would one of the festival days do? Better yet, are you all on good terms with the new husband? If we could get him to help distract her...”
Guy and Joe were in awe of the man's abilities to break down a problem as they devoured ribs, drank beers and discussed how best to get off the Island and back to Chicago.
“It doesn't have to be forever,” Joe admitted. “I mean it wouldn't be so bad to come back here, eventually. Maybe I can even get the office to open a branch here. Beach Actuary. It would suit a younger generation.”
“Plus you would get the female demographic,” Honey said in her thick, husky voice..
“Do you mind?” Nebuchadnezzar said to her, “we are scheming, here.”
“Who am I going to tell?” Honey asked, shrugging and moving away.
And if this was a different sort of story? Honey would have been a plant from Pele, set to spy upon her collection of hunks. But Pele actually didn't have anyone spying upon her favored ones. She kept no ledgers, she wasn't that sort of goddess.
Honey, truth be told, did not really believe in the common misconception held by the men who frequented Blick's Cafe, Novocaine that they were cursed by an Island goddess. She simple couldn't accept such things; however, she did enjoy the scenery. Lots.
Cut to Commercial: Tonight's Episode is brought to you Blood Hunt by Shannon K. Butcher. The latest in her Sentinel Wars series follows the incredibly gorgeous Logan. My goodness, can she tell a tale of hot, sweaty adventure!
“You boys get along really well, don't you?” Nebuchadnezzar didn't really mean it as a question, “It seems like to me...”
“Yeah, of course we get along well!” Guy blurted, “he's my brother. We're like best friends.”
“Of course we're best friends,” Joe exclaimed simultaneously, “we're brothers, it's natural to get along!”
The Craggy Man rolled his eyes. He sipped his beer to get some of the saccharine sweetness out of his mouth. Then he wiggled his mustache so the foam bubbles burst. “You fellows are un-be-lieve-able,” He said dryly.
Guy and Joe looked at each other. “We are?”
Resting his head on the back of his hands on the table, Nebuchadnezzar shook with silent laughter, “yes,” he said in conclusion, “I'll take Paypal.”
02 August, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Trouble
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Get a grip, gentlemen,” Nebuchadnezzar growled softly. “We're in public.”
Guy looked at him and wanted to explain to him that the juxtaposition of the woman being named Honey and calling them Big Jim and the Twins was one of the funniest things, ever. But then he remembered that not everyone was a grade school gym teacher, and some people were jaded by life. This fellow was jaded. Harder, maybe, than diamonds.
Instead he said, “I can't help but notice that you are wearing an unbuttoned silk shirt.”
Joe's eyes bugged slightly. He hadn't noticed. Or maybe he had noticed but not realized what he had noticed. “The Big Man said that you were the person to come to if we needed help.”
“Did he?”
Honey brought the beer and set the bottles down, and Joe paid her, and gave her a good tip, right up front. He had a stringent moral code regarding servers, and how they should be treated.
“Yes, he said: If you can't find the A-Team, then you need Nebuchadnezzar, PI.” Guy stated it flat out.
That made Nebuchadnezzar laugh. He had a goodly laugh, even though he didn't get the sort of mileage on it he’d used to. He drew deep on his beer and mashed his chin contemplatively, “I think I have more staying power,” he replied, deadpan. Then he asked, “so what is the nature of your emergency?”
“It isn't an emergency, yet,” Joe explained, “It is a potential problem, a problem with getting off the Island.” His words dropped into a hush.
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by NSFW. Which does not mean North South Freaking West, no matter what your kids tell you!
“You're making a break for it?” Nebuchadnezzar queried, amused.
“Yes, and no,” Guy told him, “Joe has an important function to attend to in Chicago.”
“And you need a plane?” The Craggy Man supposed.
“We have a flight out,” Joe was pleased to admit. “We need to make certain that she,” he paused for dramatic effect, “that she doesn't notice until it is too late for her to do anything about it.”
“So,” he said drifting forward and a little to the left and folding his arms, “you want me to fool a goddess?” Nebuchadnezzar cocked his head, “is that all?”
“Yessir.” Guy nodded. “We need to have a safe take off, and get clear. The Big Man said, if anyone can do it, Nebuchadnezzar can.”
Now the man's enormous even white teeth broke through in a real smile. They were a sharp contrast to his sun darkened skin, and even more so to the big bushy mustache, and the smile almost created lumens enough to outshine the candle. “Could be... fun,” he admitted. “Could be lots of trouble, too. And you fellows don't have a dime, do you?”
“We... have some money, not a lot,” Guy was up front about this. “Most of our assets are in Chicago.”
“Would you take PayPal?” Joe asked.
Our next episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
“Get a grip, gentlemen,” Nebuchadnezzar growled softly. “We're in public.”
Guy looked at him and wanted to explain to him that the juxtaposition of the woman being named Honey and calling them Big Jim and the Twins was one of the funniest things, ever. But then he remembered that not everyone was a grade school gym teacher, and some people were jaded by life. This fellow was jaded. Harder, maybe, than diamonds.
Instead he said, “I can't help but notice that you are wearing an unbuttoned silk shirt.”
Joe's eyes bugged slightly. He hadn't noticed. Or maybe he had noticed but not realized what he had noticed. “The Big Man said that you were the person to come to if we needed help.”
“Did he?”
Honey brought the beer and set the bottles down, and Joe paid her, and gave her a good tip, right up front. He had a stringent moral code regarding servers, and how they should be treated.
“Yes, he said: If you can't find the A-Team, then you need Nebuchadnezzar, PI.” Guy stated it flat out.
That made Nebuchadnezzar laugh. He had a goodly laugh, even though he didn't get the sort of mileage on it he’d used to. He drew deep on his beer and mashed his chin contemplatively, “I think I have more staying power,” he replied, deadpan. Then he asked, “so what is the nature of your emergency?”
“It isn't an emergency, yet,” Joe explained, “It is a potential problem, a problem with getting off the Island.” His words dropped into a hush.
Cut to commercial: Tonight's episode is brought to you by NSFW. Which does not mean North South Freaking West, no matter what your kids tell you!
“You're making a break for it?” Nebuchadnezzar queried, amused.
“Yes, and no,” Guy told him, “Joe has an important function to attend to in Chicago.”
“And you need a plane?” The Craggy Man supposed.
“We have a flight out,” Joe was pleased to admit. “We need to make certain that she,” he paused for dramatic effect, “that she doesn't notice until it is too late for her to do anything about it.”
“So,” he said drifting forward and a little to the left and folding his arms, “you want me to fool a goddess?” Nebuchadnezzar cocked his head, “is that all?”
“Yessir.” Guy nodded. “We need to have a safe take off, and get clear. The Big Man said, if anyone can do it, Nebuchadnezzar can.”
Now the man's enormous even white teeth broke through in a real smile. They were a sharp contrast to his sun darkened skin, and even more so to the big bushy mustache, and the smile almost created lumens enough to outshine the candle. “Could be... fun,” he admitted. “Could be lots of trouble, too. And you fellows don't have a dime, do you?”
“We... have some money, not a lot,” Guy was up front about this. “Most of our assets are in Chicago.”
“Would you take PayPal?” Joe asked.
Our next episode: It Takes More Than Corn Starch to Thicken a Plot.
30 July, 2011
Tonight's Episode: Plot Complications
Starring: Matt Bomer as Guy Handsome, Jared Leto as Joe Handsome and Special Guest Star Rosario Dawson as the Goddess Pele.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
Blick's Cafe Novocaine promised that when you left, you would be feeling no pain. It was one of those places that looked like a disreputable hole in the wall from the outside, and was worse once you entered. A den of iniquity.
How bad was it? You might well ask. Aside from the fact that they admitted people who were inappropriately attired (and I am not speaking of polka dot shirts and plaid shorts, although there was a fellow wearing Birkenstock knock-offs and black socks, with that horrendous combination,) they chose their brand of beer based upon which bottles were the hardest to shatter, just to cut down on the amount of glass they had to dig out of injuries.
At the very moment that the Handsome brothers happened to enter the bar, the Cantina music from Star Wars started up on the juke box, http://www.thesoundarchive.com/play-wav-files.asp?sound=starwars/Cantina1.mid which added a new dimension to an already surreal experience.
Then they saw... him. Craggy, mustachioed visage, with a slouch that indicated a devil may care attitude, and eyes shaded by heavy, albeit not quite menacing brows. He wore a silk floral shirt, unbuttoned, with a pukka shell necklace that caught the small amount of light thrown by the inappropriate yellow glass candle on the table. White plastic mesh that looked like a refugee from the produce department of the Piggly-Wiggly decorated the glass of the candle holder. He caught their entrance and leaned back in his booth, one arm raised slightly above his head, and the other hidden beneath the table. “You boys the Handsome brothers?” He asked. His voice as graveled as his visage was craggy. “Of course you are.” He said, his mustache twitching in something that might have been a controlled burst smile. “Sit. Beer?” He held forth a Coots bottle. It was an empty Coots bottle, and he had been scratching at the label, but despite that the word Coots was still visible.
Joe scootched into the booth first. He was not at all certain about meeting this person. The only thing worse would have been if he happened to have an eye-patch, which – thankfully – he did not.
Guy sat next to his brother and said, “that's a joke right? Coots?”
Cut to commercial: Ghost Story, the most recent addition to the Dresden Files novels by Jim Butcher. Buy it, read it, thank me later!
“Never kid a man about his beer.” The man said. Like everything he said it came out an admixture of laconic and axiom. They had the distinct impression that, had there been a spittoon, the man would have made use of it for punctuation.
“Sure, a beer would be nice,” Joe replied politely. Courtesy was a useful tool for times when you were in an awkward social situation. He decided that he would probably rate this among his top three awkward social situations. Number one was the time he woke up in the fountain on campus dressed as Dr. Frankenfuter. Number two was the time his mother had set him up on a blind date with a female contortionist who only spoke a rudimentary Engrish, and his misinterpretation of the phrase: “wordo you riku foruk?” (As opposed, he later found out, to chopsticks. He would have otherwise gladly eaten with chopsticks.) And now, this was his number three. So far.
“Good.” The man said and he beckoned to a waitress who could have given an ugly stepsister a run for her money. “Three, Honey.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Honey replied. “Big Jim and the Twins.” She winked a heavily false eye-lashed lid at them.
Guy couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped him at her observation. He looked at his brother, which proved a mistake, as that set Joe off as well.
For his part, the Craggy Man rolled his eyes. These were good eggs. And good eggs always meant only one thing: Trouble.
Guest Star: Tom Selleck as Nebuchadnezzar, PI
Blick's Cafe Novocaine promised that when you left, you would be feeling no pain. It was one of those places that looked like a disreputable hole in the wall from the outside, and was worse once you entered. A den of iniquity.
How bad was it? You might well ask. Aside from the fact that they admitted people who were inappropriately attired (and I am not speaking of polka dot shirts and plaid shorts, although there was a fellow wearing Birkenstock knock-offs and black socks, with that horrendous combination,) they chose their brand of beer based upon which bottles were the hardest to shatter, just to cut down on the amount of glass they had to dig out of injuries.
At the very moment that the Handsome brothers happened to enter the bar, the Cantina music from Star Wars started up on the juke box, http://www.thesoundarchive.com/play-wav-files.asp?sound=starwars/Cantina1.mid which added a new dimension to an already surreal experience.
Then they saw... him. Craggy, mustachioed visage, with a slouch that indicated a devil may care attitude, and eyes shaded by heavy, albeit not quite menacing brows. He wore a silk floral shirt, unbuttoned, with a pukka shell necklace that caught the small amount of light thrown by the inappropriate yellow glass candle on the table. White plastic mesh that looked like a refugee from the produce department of the Piggly-Wiggly decorated the glass of the candle holder. He caught their entrance and leaned back in his booth, one arm raised slightly above his head, and the other hidden beneath the table. “You boys the Handsome brothers?” He asked. His voice as graveled as his visage was craggy. “Of course you are.” He said, his mustache twitching in something that might have been a controlled burst smile. “Sit. Beer?” He held forth a Coots bottle. It was an empty Coots bottle, and he had been scratching at the label, but despite that the word Coots was still visible.
Joe scootched into the booth first. He was not at all certain about meeting this person. The only thing worse would have been if he happened to have an eye-patch, which – thankfully – he did not.
Guy sat next to his brother and said, “that's a joke right? Coots?”
Cut to commercial: Ghost Story, the most recent addition to the Dresden Files novels by Jim Butcher. Buy it, read it, thank me later!
“Never kid a man about his beer.” The man said. Like everything he said it came out an admixture of laconic and axiom. They had the distinct impression that, had there been a spittoon, the man would have made use of it for punctuation.
“Sure, a beer would be nice,” Joe replied politely. Courtesy was a useful tool for times when you were in an awkward social situation. He decided that he would probably rate this among his top three awkward social situations. Number one was the time he woke up in the fountain on campus dressed as Dr. Frankenfuter. Number two was the time his mother had set him up on a blind date with a female contortionist who only spoke a rudimentary Engrish, and his misinterpretation of the phrase: “wordo you riku foruk?” (As opposed, he later found out, to chopsticks. He would have otherwise gladly eaten with chopsticks.) And now, this was his number three. So far.
“Good.” The man said and he beckoned to a waitress who could have given an ugly stepsister a run for her money. “Three, Honey.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Honey replied. “Big Jim and the Twins.” She winked a heavily false eye-lashed lid at them.
Guy couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped him at her observation. He looked at his brother, which proved a mistake, as that set Joe off as well.
For his part, the Craggy Man rolled his eyes. These were good eggs. And good eggs always meant only one thing: Trouble.
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